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AIBU?

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To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe

393 replies

Bearlionfalcon · 07/08/2025 10:06

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?

OP posts:
Pancakeorcrepe · 07/08/2025 11:51

CatsMagic · 07/08/2025 11:02

Am I reading a different thread to everyone else ?

I think you were really cheeky approaching this woman in a cafe and asking her to put headphones on - It’s a cafe not your personal office space! if you don’t like the noise then the onus is on you to find somewhere else to work.

There is nothing more annoying and rude than playing Tic Toks without headphones. Regardless if OP is working or just trying to relax in the cafe. If I went for a cafe to have a nice coffee, it would annoy me so much to have someone loudly scrolling through electronic noises on their phone. Electronic noise is so much more intrusive than people chatting to each other or children playing. The woman with the phone is the cheeky one.

NeelyOHara · 07/08/2025 11:50

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 07/08/2025 10:40

You didn’t say anything ageist! You just gave as much context as possible ffs. If you hadn’t mentioned age someone would have asked you their age anyway! There’s some right cunts in here that just love arguing drives me mad.

It’s ruining the site as well, every thread gets derailed by people wanting to archive and deliberately ignoring the information in the OP and just making shit up to suit their argument.
It is mainly able to happen due to posters being allowed to name change, people wouldn’t do it if they couldn’t as they know they’d be labelled trouble makers and ignored.
It is making the site unreadable. Which I think is the aim.

Praying4Peace · 07/08/2025 11:50

Very difficult situation and perceived differently by many.
The issue of people talking /using their phone for tiktok etc in public places affects many.
I was on a coach with a lady sitting beside me who was wfh. She was on a teams call and I was really distracted by her conversation. I politely asked her if she was going to be on her phone for the duration of the journey.
We all need to consider others in public places. In the same way that you are using the cafe to wfh, the couple may be using it for social purposes.
No easy answers

Thistoo2023 · 07/08/2025 11:48

AuntyDepressant · 07/08/2025 11:15

Let me get this straight. You treat a coffee shop like your own personal remote working space which you feel is fine for you to do as long as you buy breakfast there, you expect other customers to keep quiet and do as you say and not to play videos on their phones without headphones …… but YOU can’t believe the level of entitlement? 😂

Christ this dim-witted take AGAIN. She wasn’t anticipating that it would be as quiet as “her own personal remote working space”. She was anticipating that it would have the normal noise levels of a cafe. It’s not normal or reasonable to scroll on TikTok at full volume.

Is it really that hard to understand that some types of noise are far more intrusive than others? So no you haven’t got it straight at all.

chattychatchatty · 07/08/2025 11:48

Seymour5 · 07/08/2025 11:38

I agree, the majority have to put up with the selfish minority. On public transport, in cafes and bars, no one should be playing music or anything else without wearing headphones. I got so fed up with the noise coming from a young man’s phone on the train recently, I played some of my own. Another older lady (like me) laughed and gave me the thumbs up.

When he switched off whatever unrecognisable crap he was playing, I turned off my pipe band music. Nothing surprises like a blast of bagpipes!

I love this and am going to nick your bagpipes idea for the next time someone is dimwitted enough to think watching whatever they want at full volume in public is perfectly OK and not at all rude or inconsiderate. Greensleeves on the bagpipes, maybe: the revenge anthem of the headphone wearers.

redjeans28 · 07/08/2025 11:47

Deadringer · 07/08/2025 11:44

I wouldn't expect quiet in a cafe, perhaps the library would be a better place for you to work.

oh ffs!

Deadringer · 07/08/2025 11:44

I wouldn't expect quiet in a cafe, perhaps the library would be a better place for you to work.

thebraveryofbeingoutofrange · 07/08/2025 11:44

purplecorkheart · 07/08/2025 11:42

I actually wonder if you work in the coffee shop that is near my workplace. There are a couple in there that do things like that just so people will complain to them and they can kick off.

I actually know one of their nieces and she told me they love when some one asks them to turn down the sound on their phone or to move their bag off an empty chair etc. They boost about it. They are also daily regulars to the coffee shop. The staff have stopped interfering as they just get abuse. The manager does not appear to care.

How old are these obnoxious people?

KimberleyClark · 07/08/2025 11:43

CompleteLackOfDisrespect · 07/08/2025 11:30

Oh you sweet summer child. You haven't been in a public library for a very long time have you?

Are you really suggesting coffee shops are quieter to work in than libraries?

Where I live, libraries are now called hubs. They are still libraries, but also workspaces. They even have small meeting rooms.

With people who work in coffee shops, I think there is an element of wanting things both ways - they want to work and relax at the same time. Coffee shops are essentially leisure spaces.

thebraveryofbeingoutofrange · 07/08/2025 11:43

waitingforpost · 07/08/2025 11:42

The OP comes across as entitled and intolerant

😆😆

Same 🤣🤣

waitingforpost · 07/08/2025 11:42

The OP comes across as entitled and intolerant

😆😆

purplecorkheart · 07/08/2025 11:42

I actually wonder if you work in the coffee shop that is near my workplace. There are a couple in there that do things like that just so people will complain to them and they can kick off.

I actually know one of their nieces and she told me they love when some one asks them to turn down the sound on their phone or to move their bag off an empty chair etc. They boost about it. They are also daily regulars to the coffee shop. The staff have stopped interfering as they just get abuse. The manager does not appear to care.

zacsGranny · 07/08/2025 11:41

This situation is why I applaud shops who refuse to serve people who are on their phones.

Cherrysoup · 07/08/2025 11:41

I’m not sure the staff are going to be happy to have someone taking up a seat to work rather than allowing others to use the space as it’s meant to be.

If you need quiet, is there not a local library?

She’s being very antisocial, I’ve had business men taking/making endless loud calls in the train’s quiet carriage, drives me nuts, but the glares you get if you look askance is not worth the hassle. Equally, parents allowing their dc to watch iPads/phones at full volume in the same situation drives me nuts. I get far too worried about this in advance to even want to use the train now. 😢 Some people are just incredibly rude.

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 07/08/2025 11:41

The OP comes across as entitled and intolerant.

Entitled and intolerant for not wanting to listen to TikTok videos playing out loud on other people’s phones? I would have thought most people wouldn’t want to listen to that, regardless of why they are in the cafe.

Viviennemary · 07/08/2025 11:41

I think it's extremely. cheeky to use a cafe as your place of work. And woman shouldn't be playing videos in a cafe without headphones. You are both as bad as each other

Bearlionfalcon · 07/08/2025 11:39

@PersephoneSeethes thats simply not the case here. As I said I wouldn’t go to work in a cafe in that scenario, I value our local cafes and definitely wouldn’t act in that way. This cafe is pretty large, I’d say 25 tables. At the time this happened this was a weekday morning, I would estimate it was about a third occupied. Of that, about half of the people in the cafe were working quietly like me.
I was there an hour and a half, and I ordered breakfast and two coffees. This couple were there much longer and they had one coffee each. I don’t accept that the simple fact of having a laptop - with the sound off - makes you anti social or a bad customer. If I was keeping someone else from a table I simply would not stay in a cafe with my laptop. Also, surely if that was an issue for a cafe, the cafe would manage this by restricting laptop use to specific times of day. Some cafes local to me do this, others like the one I’m describing don’t restrict it as presumably they’ve decided the custom is worthwhile to them.

OP posts:
Seymour5 · 07/08/2025 11:38

Zebedee999 · 07/08/2025 11:21

You are acting very considerately; the older lady is totally inconsiderate.

Consideration for others is a rare value nowadays (30% of voters here sadly do not care aboutg others peace and quiet)

I agree, the majority have to put up with the selfish minority. On public transport, in cafes and bars, no one should be playing music or anything else without wearing headphones. I got so fed up with the noise coming from a young man’s phone on the train recently, I played some of my own. Another older lady (like me) laughed and gave me the thumbs up.

When he switched off whatever unrecognisable crap he was playing, I turned off my pipe band music. Nothing surprises like a blast of bagpipes!

Flightyandmighty · 07/08/2025 11:38

I’m with you op this is so irritating. I had similar on a train the other day. The person playing music then turned it up super loud as I answered a call on my phone. Normally I try and talk quietly so everyone doesn’t hear but I had no choice but to try and shout over the music. Some people seem to have no concept of anyone but themselves!

Tabitha005 · 07/08/2025 11:37

CatsMagic · 07/08/2025 11:02

Am I reading a different thread to everyone else ?

I think you were really cheeky approaching this woman in a cafe and asking her to put headphones on - It’s a cafe not your personal office space! if you don’t like the noise then the onus is on you to find somewhere else to work.

.... and if everyone in OPs office , or wherever else she worked decided to watch videos on their phones with no headphones on, what then?

Also, I work with quite a few people who wear headphones with loud music still audible in that horrible, tinny way - their hearing must be fucked. It drives me mad. I don't actually want to wear headphones all day myself - shutting off ALL noise from the outside world in its entirety is a shit way for me to have to work just because a few other people simply can't get through the day without listening to music constantly while they work.

It's also pretty antisocial to eliminate ALL interaction with your colleagues in this way but, hey, if you're an antisocial sort of person in the first place, whether you're being antisocial by ignoring everyone in favour of clamping headphones over your ears or irritating the shit out of people within earshot of your phone is a moot point.

But, of course, being human means having to rub along with others as far as possible without going completely crackers. It might help if a few obnoxious fuckwits had a bit of self-awareness and didn't pollute everyone else's surroundings with their apparent 'need' to watch fucking Tik Tok videos in public spaces at an audible volume.

waitingforpost · 07/08/2025 11:37

All hail the mighty Edgelord who has come to bestow us with her witty comments !

That would be not often then! 😆

LarkspurLane · 07/08/2025 11:37

PersephoneSeethes · 07/08/2025 11:32

Thank you. The OP comes across as entitled and intolerant.

Regularly going to work in a cafe with a laptop is very annoying for cafes and restaurants. People think that a Bircher muesli and a coffee will make up for the loss of earnings from the two covers that a person and their laptop take for hours on end. it doesn’t.

Go to the library.

It's the cafe's decision whether people work there or not. Some cafes near me encourage it, some don't.
You are not allowed to work in my local library, not enough space and usually other things going on. It's certainly not quiet - although they may not be tolerant of people on phones.

ElectoralControversy · 07/08/2025 11:36

You need something like this death metal playlist OP:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Wu5a8j0WzMtxHGsa8vOKa?si=Y2rooPV0RXCtx6GHZ_W7kg&pi=JA6sNe4lRPG-4

When she starts the tiktoks look her in the eye and press play on your phone

"What? I love a bit of Cannibal Corpse! No I don't want to put headphones on, why on earth should I?"

Spotify

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Wu5a8j0WzMtxHGsa8vOKa?pi=JA6sNe4lRPG-4&si=Y2rooPV0RXCtx6GHZ_W7kg

redjeans28 · 07/08/2025 11:36

Elizabeth1000 · 07/08/2025 11:03

I’m in 2 minds about it. Whilst it is a bit antisocial to have TikTok noise blaring, a cafe isn’t a quiet area at all. People chatting, kids making a bit of noise etc. I’m not sure why you think the cafe should be your quiet workspace. Yes you buy enough food/drink to have reasonable use of the table, but you can’t command what is going on at other tables.

Why on earth would you not read OPs posts before posting? OP has not once said she wants quiet in the cafe, quite the opposite actually which you would know if you'd read her posts.

MzHz · 07/08/2025 11:36

Bearlionfalcon · 07/08/2025 10:18

@Lemonadeat8 I can see that point - although to me the normal hum of conversation is so different to phone noise - I find WFH quite lonely as my job doesn’t involve and human interaction and so I actually like to work somewhere with the hum of chatter around me and don’t find it distracting. Someone skipping through short clips of videos on their phone speakers repeatedly is a completely different and more jarring quality of noise

Oh ffs, this is not your office.

the fact that you don’t like wfh is nobody else’s problem

you like the sound of chatter? Find a white noise chatter sound track and play that in the background.

yes it’s annoying when people play noise over their speakers, but people using leisure spaces for extended periods of time, jogging tables and chairs for hours on a single cup of coffee is way more annoying for others trying to use the cafe.

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