To book holiday without friend

Presumably she and her husband have holidays together? They don't invite you, do they? I don't see why you have to include everyone every time you go away. The fourth person isn't going anyway.

Not at all, I’ve seen it said elsewhere on here actually that the more senior you are, the greater the flexibility etc and I’m really happy with my work-life balance.

And on that note id say its time to wrap this up op. Book the hotel you want, let your 'friend' know in case she wants to come as well and stick to your guns if she tries to suggest a cheaper hotel. End of and Good day to you!

I'm sure there was a post just like this recently except it was about restaurants. All the friends secretly went to a restaurant that the fourth friend couldn't afford, and the fourth was super upset.

Anyway.

50k, a hobby job!!! Absolutely unbelievable snobbery

I hope the poor friend with the 'hobby job' is on mumsnet and recognises her 'friend' from this post and finds herself some new friends. What a stuck up snob!!!

Who needs enemies when they've friends like you. You sound like an awful person

I haven't read the full thread but have you considered paying her to carry your bags? That way, you get that experience and she gets to join you on the holiday.

Anyway, too much time on Mumsnet today, I need to get back to my hobby.

I’m just waiting for the deletion message for calling a £45/50K salary a “hobby” job. It’s higher than the UK average salary.

OP sounds insufferable.

I suppose it depends if you want to remain friends with her or not.

Booking something behind someone’s back and hoping they don’t find out is really awful and people who try and keep things like that secret seem to get found out.

Booking something you know she can’t afford is also telling her you don’t want her to come with you.

So I suppose it’s do the 3 of you value your friendship? Or do you give her more notice and therefore a chance to save so she can join you?

But quite honestly it feels like if you are posting the question on here, you know it’s a bit of shitty thing to do and you’re trying to justify it.

Hobby job for £50k vs being penalised for successful careers?
No concierge service?
Go on your break and maybe get your friend a job doing room service so she can really make herself useful.

Wow. I don't think you need to tell her in person , just direct her to this thread and tell her she only needs to read your posts . I'm sure she'll back out of the holiday very soon .

OP no offence but you sound awful.

A ‘hobby’ job and only earns £45k a year which btw is waaaay more than average. And you are considering not inviting her because you want to go to a better hotel, that just screams sh*t friend quite frankly.

I'd rather slum it in an average hotel and have all my close friends there, than go somewhere nicer that meant excluding one of the group. Each to their own I guess.
I wouldn't book it without telling her. That's definite mean girl behaviour and I couldn't be friends with someone who'd even consider doing that.

I don’t know if you’re deliberately trying to incense people with your friends hobby job earning only £50k 🤣 I’d just be honest. No need to mention previous. Hey skint mate we are wanting to go to x fancy it? If she suggests something cheaper just say that the 2/3 of you really fancy luxury, and let her self exclude. I think it would be werid if she kicks up a fuss.

2s company and 3s a crowd.. you have had discussions with another friend but what about the third? What does she think?

I have had a similar scenario lately. We are a group of 4 couple friends and for my special birthday next year DH and myself are flying business class to San Francisco. One couple has declined due to finances, Another couple are joining us but flying Economy and one couple is still thinking about it as has some health problems that need sorting before she commits. I have compromised on the hotel to make it affordable for all but this is a small price to pay to have friends join me.

I don't think its unreasonable to go and do what you want to do and leave it open to others joining you, but maybe rethink how you phase things and be diplomatic.... no one likes a snob.

Hobby job at 50k! Bit snobby putting it that way. My husband earns that as a doctor works very hard in the NHS he almost at consultant level.
Just go on the holiday if she can't afford it that's on her or if you all have big salaries why don't you all pitch in and get her a ticket.

Personally if it was me, I would never price out a friend for a holiday. I value their company above a fancy hotel. If I wanted a luxurious holiday, I'd maybe go with a partner or a different friend not in that group.

I just think, how would you feel if you were the only one excluded because you couldn't afford something?

Obviously it is your choice and I can understand you wanting to enjoy some luxury. I just think that by excluding her you are communicating that luxury is more important to you than seeing your friend and I think that's quite damaging to a relationship.

Give her the option and let her decline. In my local friendship group, most are richer than me (as I 'only' earn 44K working full time in a professional job that requires a degree and post graduate qualification and pays significantly above the average UK wage but isn't even at the 45-50K level of your friend's apparent 'hobby' job 😂). We don't tend to go on holiday together bu do quite a few day trips and evening things. If they're things I can afford I go and if they're things I can't I decline - either saying I can't make it or that it's too expensive, I'm comfortable with either. No point being embarrassed by wealth disparity or letting it affect anybody's choices, it's just a fact of life.

No concierge at a nice villa though. How ever would the poor darlings survive?! Practically ghastly!

something my friend is passionate about but has severely limiting earning potential.

OP, you are making it worse. £50k is not a ‘severely limited’ salary.

Maybe to you and your other friends, but you need to look more widely and raise your awareness.

Maybe not a salary that allows ‘exclusive’ hotels in expensive resorts, but it is also mega patronising to suggest that she needs a high earning ‘hubby’ to subsidise her. It’s a salary that vast numbers of people live on, and live perfectly enjoyable lives. Yes, if she and her DH like to ski in Klosters and summer in Mustique they will need to use his salary. But it doesn’t mean hers is pin money.

Seriously, maybe spend some time reflecting on your awareness and attitudes in these times of CoL etc.

It’s ok to want to spend your money your way. It isn’t that great to think about people the way you do.

Do you actually like this "friend" OP?

I think you should book the expensive hotel as it is obviously more important for you to stay in this hotel than having your friend there.

You need to tell her as otherwise you're not just being a crashing snob but also a coward.

Then maybe she can re-assess her friendships.

In the OPs eyes her friend has a 'hobby job' because she's chosen to do something that she enjoys but earns less than she could, and less than her friends, as a consequence. The OP is not thinking about anyone else outside of that frame of reference. She is not thinking being a nurse or a concierge is a hobby job - she's not thinking of the likes of nurses at all and she's only thinking of concierges in terms of her holiday wants.

Would a nice villa solve the problem? They tend to be cheaper than top end hotels.

I'm sorry you feel your friend should be more money-focused like you and not have chosen to do a job she's passionate about. As a teacher with an MBA, I suppose I could have swum with the sharks but somebody's got to educate children, even rich people's.

"Hobby job" tells us so much about you.

Tricky. I’d definitely let her know in advance. She’ll be hurt otherwise. I’d frame it that you and friend 1 are planning a weekend at x hotel in x destination. Would friends 3 and 4 fancy it? Clearly one of them will. One of them will probably say it’s unaffordable. But you haven’t deliberately excluded her or gone behind her back. Could her husband pay?

My group of friends is the same, a subset of us do a weekend somewhere every year. Not everyone can come for reasons relating to finances, childcare, other plans etc. This year we planned Mykonos for a certain weekend in Sept. Hotels there are not cheap so a couple of them aren’t coming due to finances. (The two with 4 children each in private school, so it’s not like they literally can’t afford it, they just prioritise other things). Yes we could have gone somewhere cheaper or to a different island, but not everyone can do everything and not everything should default to the lowest common denominator.

I need to find me a hobby job that pays 50k.. that would be amazing, would genuinely give up my corporate job for that

Nice of them to knock around with you paupers 😂