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Original poster

To book holiday without friend

391 replies

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 09:54

Have a bit of a dilemma here and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not…

Group of 4 friends. 3 of us are what you would call ‘high earners’ whilst our 4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

Last year, we’d all agreed on a city break destination but the proposed hotel was vetoed by our friend due to being too costly, so we went to an alternative (which wasn’t great) at her request.

We are looking at going away again later this year. Early discussions between two of us (not the 4th friend). We really want to stay somewhere more luxurious but know our friend won’t be able to afford it.

Out of the options below, what do you think is most appropriate? We give our friend the option of joining, knowing full well she can’t stay there and when she suggests an alternative, say no. Or book without her knowledge and hope she doesn’t find out about it? We don’t really post on social media so that’s not an issue.

OP posts:
OakAshRowan · 07/08/2025 16:28

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 15:25

Private jet?! We earn six figures not seven 😂😂

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Oh dear. Why did you choose a job with such limited earning potential?

CheekyCherryColaCandy · 07/08/2025 16:27

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 16:19

3 grand for four nights - not outrageously expensive? Id call that obscene tbh

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It's really not.

InterIgnis · 07/08/2025 16:27

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 16:25

Well they can leave her out and tell her later as was first suggested

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Or they can invite her, and leave it up to her to decline if she can’t afford it/doesn’t want to spend that amount of money. As was also suggested.

goldenquestion · 07/08/2025 16:26

madnessitellyou · 07/08/2025 16:17

Op you aren’t getting it at all are you.

You are talking about a lot of money for many people. Your friend (hopefully she’ll dump you soon) can’t afford what you deem reasonable. It’s fine for you to spend what you like and it’s fine for her not to be able to afford it. Even if you think it’s not excessive.

The problem is you are coming across as an absolutely insufferable snob. I cannot think this isn’t made up because even the most snobbish people I know don’t carry on like this.

It’s certainly made me very glad for the circle of friends I have, that’s for sure.

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 16:25

InterIgnis · 07/08/2025 16:23

It’s relative. For the majority of people, sure, but not for OP and the rest of her friendship group. They all want to go and can easily afford it. The circumstances of one friend should not dictate what the rest of the group does every single time.

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Well they can leave her out and tell her later as was first suggested

InterIgnis · 07/08/2025 16:23

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 16:03

Even if they do. This holiday must be hugely expensive if someone on 50k a year can't afford to go

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It’s relative. For the majority of people, sure, but not for OP and the rest of her friendship group. They all want to go and can easily afford it. The circumstances of one friend should not dictate what the rest of the group does every single time.

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 16:19

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 16:09

It’s not outrageously expensive at all. No more than £3,000 each for flights and hotel. Which for a luxury holiday is brilliant value.

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3 grand for four nights - not outrageously expensive? Id call that obscene tbh

InBedBy10 · 07/08/2025 16:18

Are you sure she cant afford it? Maybe she just didn't want to waste money on an expensive hotel when all you will be doing is sleeping there. Different people have different priorities when it comes to money/holidays. €3000 for one person to go on holiday would seem a waste to alot of people I know even though they could well afford it.

Saying that if 3 out of 4 want the expensive hotel than just tell her that's where you have picked and she can come if she wants. You dont have to compromise every year.

Side note: The fact you think 45k/50k is a low income is insane to me. That's more than most make. You sound so out of touch with reality.

madnessitellyou · 07/08/2025 16:17

Op you aren’t getting it at all are you.

You are talking about a lot of money for many people. Your friend (hopefully she’ll dump you soon) can’t afford what you deem reasonable. It’s fine for you to spend what you like and it’s fine for her not to be able to afford it. Even if you think it’s not excessive.

The problem is you are coming across as an absolutely insufferable snob. I cannot think this isn’t made up because even the most snobbish people I know don’t carry on like this.

Original poster
TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 16:13

Heronwatcher · 07/08/2025 16:11

How long is this for? I’ve just paid just over that for a family holiday to the south of France for 5 people to a nice hotel with pool!

No way would I spend that on a long weekend for 1 person (and yes I can afford it should I wish to).

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That’s for 4 nights. Each to their own of course x

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 07/08/2025 16:11

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 16:09

It’s not outrageously expensive at all. No more than £3,000 each for flights and hotel. Which for a luxury holiday is brilliant value.

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How long is this for? I’ve just paid just over that for a family holiday to the south of France for 5 people to a nice hotel with pool!

No way would I spend that on a long weekend for 1 person (and yes I can afford it should I wish to).

goldenquestion · 07/08/2025 16:11

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 15:25

Private jet?! We earn six figures not seven 😂😂

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Oh dear, do you just have hobby jobs too then? Perhaps if you worked a bit harder and didn’t sacrifice having a decent salary, you could have a really nice holiday

Original poster
TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 16:09

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 16:03

Even if they do. This holiday must be hugely expensive if someone on 50k a year can't afford to go

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It’s not outrageously expensive at all. No more than £3,000 each for flights and hotel. Which for a luxury holiday is brilliant value.

OP posts:
Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 16:03

InterIgnis · 07/08/2025 16:01

They may keep separate finances 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Even if they do. This holiday must be hugely expensive if someone on 50k a year can't afford to go

InterIgnis · 07/08/2025 16:01

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 15:46

She also said that her friends husband earns well - I would question how expensive this holiday is if someone who earns 50k a year and has another income coming into the home can't afford it

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They may keep separate finances 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pomegranatecarnage · 07/08/2025 15:51

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 10:05

I don’t think covering some of the costs will work - it will set a precedent for future trips, and it feels a bit like we are being penalised for having successful careers.

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Christ- I consider myself to have a successful career but earn in the same band as your « friend ». I’d encourage her to make better friends-you sound vile.

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 15:46

InterIgnis · 07/08/2025 15:43

Context matters. She didn’t say her friend is a lower earner compared to wider society. She said that her friend is a lower earner comparative to the rest of this specific friendship group, because she is.

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She also said that her friends husband earns well - I would question how expensive this holiday is if someone who earns 50k a year and has another income coming into the home can't afford it

InterIgnis · 07/08/2025 15:43

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 15:32

50k is not lower earning by anyone's standards.

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Context matters. She didn’t say her friend is a lower earner compared to wider society. She said that her friend is a lower earner comparative to the rest of this specific friendship group, because she is.

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 15:35

Clementina49er · 07/08/2025 15:31

Flippin' heck, I'm a teacher and I don't earn "45/50k" - mine is definitely not a "hobby job"!

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I've never earned more than 26k in my life - and that was a management job. (I don't live in the south). Currently on just over 22k a year which is pretty much min wage - and I manage on that

SecretNameAsImShy · 07/08/2025 15:34

You say that the hobby job friend only earns 45/50k but her DH has a good job so clearly money is no object. Perhaps she is more frugal with her cash and doesn't want to go to the flashy hotels you want to.

Perhaps she was trying to wriggle out of it last year but you changed hotels to accommodate her. If I were her, I, too, would be trying to wriggle out of a holiday with you and your snobby friends

Roobarbtwo · 07/08/2025 15:32

hydriotaphia · 07/08/2025 13:41

But she knows her friend, and this might be true. I know women like this - Oxbridge educated, nice upper middle class London lifestyle, husband has high earning corporate job, wife quits corporate life to pursue a lower-earning but more personally rewarding career as a influencer/gallerist/podcast host - wife would not have done that without high earning husband. This is what I imagine the OP to be talking about.

50k is not lower earning by anyone's standards.

Clementina49er · 07/08/2025 15:31

Pigsrock · 07/08/2025 10:06

I can’t see past the ‘hobby job’ either. I earn roughly what she does and wouldn’t like to be seen as the poor relation. But to actually not tell her would be a shit thing to do.

Flippin' heck, I'm a teacher and I don't earn "45/50k" - mine is definitely not a "hobby job"!

Original poster
TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 15:25

Andbegin · 07/08/2025 15:05

That’s not how it needs to work though. You can stay in very expensive hotels that are a cheap flight away ( Nice flight for example - to Cannes/St Tropez/Monaco). Op can get the private jet, mate can EasyJet for £50
They could get a suite rather than individual rooms. Or Ops friend gets the cheapest room subsided by the others.
Good meals out and drinks are at every price point. There’s nothing to say Ops friend hasn’t got the money for that - just not everything high end.

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Private jet?! We earn six figures not seven 😂😂

OP posts:
Andbegin · 07/08/2025 15:17

ChildFreeAndOhSoHappy · 07/08/2025 15:09

Fair enough, if there is a way to make it work so that OP can have the holiday she wants and friend can afford it, fine, but if not then she just goes to the next one she can afford. Either way our holiday time is there to spend how we want, either her friend can afford or can't, she certainly can't blame them for not being able to afford it, at the same time if they always do stuff she can't afford then yeah, she's probably better off with some new friends but I don't think anybody is saying that.

Agreed although I think a lot of this might be down to what her friend expectations are.
I only have one friend I am comfortable going away with. She also travels a lot. I am always welcome when I can afford to tag along. Mostly she goes with other better off friends. She has subsided the hotel on a couple of occasions though ( for my or her birthday).

I am also perfectly happy with my nice holidays that DH pays for or cheap ones paid for by myself.

flippertygibbet4 · 07/08/2025 15:11

What's more important to you, the quality of a hotel where you'll stay for a few nights, or your friendship with your lower earning friend?

As a lower earning person (part-time teacher) I'd be very sad if friends I always holidayed with went without me to somewhere I couldn't afford. Part of being a good friend is kindness and compassion. Friends aren't all exactly the same or 'equal' in terms of family circumstance, earnings, health etc.