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AIBU?

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Original poster

To book holiday without friend

391 replies

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 09:54

Have a bit of a dilemma here and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not…

Group of 4 friends. 3 of us are what you would call ‘high earners’ whilst our 4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

Last year, we’d all agreed on a city break destination but the proposed hotel was vetoed by our friend due to being too costly, so we went to an alternative (which wasn’t great) at her request.

We are looking at going away again later this year. Early discussions between two of us (not the 4th friend). We really want to stay somewhere more luxurious but know our friend won’t be able to afford it.

Out of the options below, what do you think is most appropriate? We give our friend the option of joining, knowing full well she can’t stay there and when she suggests an alternative, say no. Or book without her knowledge and hope she doesn’t find out about it? We don’t really post on social media so that’s not an issue.

OP posts:
BySassyGreenPanda · 07/08/2025 10:26

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 09:54

Have a bit of a dilemma here and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not…

Group of 4 friends. 3 of us are what you would call ‘high earners’ whilst our 4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

Last year, we’d all agreed on a city break destination but the proposed hotel was vetoed by our friend due to being too costly, so we went to an alternative (which wasn’t great) at her request.

We are looking at going away again later this year. Early discussions between two of us (not the 4th friend). We really want to stay somewhere more luxurious but know our friend won’t be able to afford it.

Out of the options below, what do you think is most appropriate? We give our friend the option of joining, knowing full well she can’t stay there and when she suggests an alternative, say no. Or book without her knowledge and hope she doesn’t find out about it? We don’t really post on social media so that’s not an issue.

You lost me at hobby job and the stealth wealth boast that they 'only' earn £45-50k, implying that the rest of you earn much more.

LabubuMyArse · 07/08/2025 10:26

Crumbs was better at this.

This is a rather poor Lidl-style riff. Needs work.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/08/2025 10:26

If you go without telling her you’ll destroy the friendship for good. If this is an annual thing maybe you could alternate between hotels she can afford and more expensive ones so that at least she’ll be able to join you every other year. And shop around a bit more for a better deal so that the cheaper holiday is more enjoyable.

PinkyFlamingo · 07/08/2025 10:26

I'm a Nurse not earning £50k, am I in a hobby job? Never classed my job as a hobby before, kind of need it to pay my rent and bills. 🙄

Chazbots · 07/08/2025 10:26

Severely limited earning @ 50k?

Blimey, do you ever mix with the hoi polloi....

Go where you like, be honest, own the consequences.

MyCatsAreFuckwits · 07/08/2025 10:26

I think this thread will make it over to the recent "the most unreasonable of unreasonable" thread 😂
Yes, OP. You sound twatish

Campingisnexttogodliness · 07/08/2025 10:26

An outing hobby?
Makes lycra cycling clothes??

Slightyamusedandsilly · 07/08/2025 10:26

You can always go away together and she can book nearish but more suited to her budget accommodation.

Bananachimp · 07/08/2025 10:25

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 09:58

Sorry it’s quite outing so I can’t say

Show quote history

Sure it is

Lurker85 · 07/08/2025 10:25

Wow. No concierge? I can’t imagine having to carry my own bags. Definitely worth ditching a friend and making her feel shit for.

JustMyView13 · 07/08/2025 10:25

Invite her.
“X & I are looking to book to go to ABC in (date). Is this something you’d be interested in coming to? It’s £Y per person, flying from (airport) and we’re staying in (hotel). We’re looking to book this weekend, let me know if you’re interested.”

Oaktre878 · 07/08/2025 10:25

This has got to be a windup

endingintiers · 07/08/2025 10:24

YABVU for calling something a “hobby job” that “only” pays £45-50k! I have a career job with 20 years experience and it pays significantly less than that.

if I wanted to holiday with my friends I’d pick somewhere we could all afford. That’s what friends are for. why don’t you organise a group holiday that’s affordable then a separate one to the pricey place? That way the friend doesn’t miss out.

waitingforpost · 07/08/2025 10:24

and it feels a bit like we are being penalised for having successful careers.

😆 obviously a wind up

BigWillyHazyHarold · 07/08/2025 10:23

I get what you meant with the hobby term but niche does make more sense.

I think you have to go ahead and offer her the chance to decline, otherwise she will be very hurt.

If she can't go on this trip I would make sure to plan another more economical trip later in the year or early next year, to ensure she can join in.

waitingforpost · 07/08/2025 10:23

If she is your friend why leave her out? Keeping it a secret is definitely wrong

BerryTwister · 07/08/2025 10:23

Who needs friends when you can have a concierge!!
Obviously go on the fancy holiday OP, leave your peasant friend behind, on her tiny salary (which, incidentally, is what I earn as a doctor. Never realised I was in a low paid hobby job!)

Isitreallysohard · 07/08/2025 10:22

Give her the option, she doesn't have to come. I feel sorry for her but you shouldn't have to have a crappy holiday because of her

CountryQueen · 07/08/2025 10:20

🤣

Endofyear · 07/08/2025 10:20

Maybe I'm odd but I'd put spending time with my friend above staying somewhere luxurious - to me, the company of someone I love is more important. Surely it's not difficult to find something within her budget that isn't horrible? I suppose it depends on how much you value the friendship I guess 🤷‍♀️

BMW6 · 07/08/2025 10:19

People are rightly really pissed off than you are dismissing decent earnings in the Real World as somehow less worthwhile than yours.

That's what MOST people earn doing hard and exhausting, stressful work. You need a reality check.

Swiftie1878 · 07/08/2025 10:19

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 10:11

Put like that I can definitely see your point. I think we are going to have to tell her and give her the choice of joining but stand firm on where we’d like to go.

Show quote history

Is the luxury hotel more important to you than spending time with this friend? Really?
If so, I’m amazed you have even posted for advice, as this is clearly not a close friendship and you shouldn’t be worried about the consequences of making that choice.

I understand that the compromise you made last time didn’t work out too well, but that doesn’t mean that a compromise this time will end the same way. You could just be more careful about the alternative choice and check reviews before you book rather than after you have been.

GleisZwei · 07/08/2025 10:17

TarzanGirl · 07/08/2025 10:12

Blimey I wish I didn’t use the term hobby, I couldn’t think of the term to use. ‘Niche’ probably would have been better - something my friend is passionate about but has severely limiting earning potential. Of course she works hard etc.

Are you for real?

GleisZwei · 07/08/2025 10:17

TeenLifeMum · 07/08/2025 09:59

A “hobby” job that pays higher than average? Yeah leave her out so she can find less patronising friends.

This.
I'd be glad if supposed friends like that didn't include me in any future events.

paddyclampster · 07/08/2025 10:16

”Only” £50k! Stuck up cow! Pay for her to go if you’re so fucking loaded!

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