To be struggling with friends SEN child??

So what? SEN mum should just understand. She should just understand that she was handed harder cards in life than her friends. But none of them will have her over any more, in case her SEN child breaks something. Even though according to the first post SEN mum does her best & she is nice person who is a good friend So she can just endure her hard & lonely life.

What a bloody awful existence.

Riding rough shod over everybody doesn't take any energy.

She just takes her child to somebody's house and sits back, and allows her to break everything and rip things up. Zero energy required.

You can ride roughshod over somebody or something passively, you know.

Suggest you meet in a softplay instead next time so the kids can run wild in a safe, enclosed space and you can possibly get a 5 min conversation

I can nigh on guarantee you that that woman doesn’t have the energy to ride roughshod over anyone, which is probably why OP is so keen to support her, and how they’ve arrived here.

Parenting a SENd child can at points be nothing short of a crisis. And PP are right - it’s incredibly isolating.

We’ve had to organise my partner’s birthday this year, without our son. He’s going into respite so we can have family round, otherwise he just wouldn’t tolerate us even celebrating it at all.

There are no family Sunday lunches, no play dates, no days out with other families, and quite often a trip to the park to encounter other humans involves leaving shortly after. It’s a very, very difficult life sometimes.

There are things OP’s friend could do, and the last time our son broke something (grandparents £500 TV), we replaced it. But she’s probably just trying to inject some normality into her life and really that needs to be considered too.

Like I’ve said earlier, we don’t condone destruction from our kid, and we absolutely act on it. But we can’t keep him under lock and key because he’s got needs.

Also children aren't great at empathy. Doesn't mean they aren't kind.It means they're children. You can't apply adult standards of logic and empathy to children.They just don't get it.

They won't be able to say or the poor child and the poor mum all they see is my stuff is getting broken and I m sick of this.

That the child isn’t doing it deliberately makes it no less upsetting for the children getting their belongings destroyed. That the child isn’t doing it deliberately doesn’t mean the others have to tolerate this level of destruction of the things, and the hand waving away of it by the mother.

That her life is hard does not give her carte blanche to ride roughshod over others and the things valuable to them, and it’s ludicrous to suggest that it does. “Suck it up because I have to” isn’t an attitude that is going to gain her support, and nor should it.

Spend a bit a time online and see people talk about how other people react to their disabled children.

Professional support for disabled children isn’t a given. The reality is having a disabled child is a lonely and exhausting experience.

Yes, it is upsetting for a child that a toy was broken. But it wasn’t done by a bold or nasty child.

To the friend whose life has been taken over by a disabled child, who can’t sit down for a cup of tea without her child breaking something a toy is a material item. Because a child being upset about a toy doesn’t come close to the struggle she has to endure.

If you have a disabled child in Ireland the likelihood is you will have to mind them until you drop dead & then they will be stuck in
an OAP nursing home. Let’s not kid ourselves that there is support elsewhere the friend can avail of. It’s likely minimal.

OP, you sound like you make a wonderful friend, but it is disrespectful of your friend for her to tell you she’s visiting when she knows your children’s things are going to be broken and that it will be hard work for all of you. Your children might care for her, but she is t showing them the same care or any courtesy.

I expect your friends attitude is what has made her lose all her other friends and social circles, and not her daughter’s behaviour. Most decent people would try and accommodate a child with SN, but not for an ungrateful parent who doesn’t care about anyone else’s children’s feelings.

Disability is not an excuse for damaging other peoples’ property - why would you think it is ? If friend is struggling she needs to seek professional support, not lean on the good nature of friends to the detriment of their own family. OP should absolutely bring up the damaged toys. She can’t afford to replace them and it’s not acceptable to ask her own children to accept the consequences of her friends’ inability to cope. What kind of message about inclusivity and empathy does that send ?

I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to my child. Nor would I want to see my friend in an environment where I can’t actually spend quality time with my friend. The only thing I can suggest is she has a babysitter or you go to see her on an evening when her child is in bed. Your home and belongings are not there for others to destroy.

Her children come before the friendship. She would be sending the message that they’re allowed to have the very reasonable boundary of not allowing their home and belongings to be trashed in the name of being ‘nice’.

Continuing to inflict this on them is one way to ensure resentment, not just towards this child but also their mother for failing to prioritize them.

You think ? How about that OP values her friendship, recognises that her life is very difficult and wants to support her ? There are a few options for compromise here which will protect her children and their belongings without affecting the friendship, or sending the message to her own children that the only way to deal with disability is to cut it out of your life.

Being a good friend at the expense of her children in their own home is not admirable.

Don’t have her over to your house then 😂 Meet at the park or go for a day out together. Or ask to go to her house!

PICA is an eating disorder. It can be associated with SEN but doesn’t jus mean the child puts the item in their mouth - PICA means they actually try to eat it.

There is. There’s an NHS incontinence service for each NHS trust area and your GP can refer you. you usually have to undergo a face to face assessment to determine what’s appropriate and the amount of supplies needed, but be warned, there are strict guidelines on the supply of products. As an example, my 94 year old mum has dementia and is bladder incontinent at night. They prescribed small stick on pads to be worn inside panties, which she took off at the first opportunity. It took us months of back and forth between the service and our GP before they would accept that she needed adult pull ups to prevent nightly bed wetting.

Meet at the park next time x

Not to the point of prioritising someone else's child over her own, it’s not.

It’s not about the OP “not protecting them”, it’s about the OP trying to be a good friend as she has said herself which is very admirable.

I’m not surprised she’s feeling isolated, does she really think people are happy to have their houses and gardens trashed???

I feel bad, youre getting some really nasty comments here.

Kind of understand how you feel... someone very close to me has a child with SEN issues, also excluded and feeling isolated. It hurts her, but sometimes you have to be honest. Perhaps suggest to go to her, or meet in park. If it continues, then have the tricky talk

I have - thank you though 😊.

We’re currently using Splash About and at the risk of getting graphic, it comes out the top - they’re not entirely watertight.

I’m sure they are on smaller/other children, but the gigantic child in my house can get his toilet activities out of them unfortunately 😂.

We did used to “double bag” and put a standard nappy underneath but he’s in such large ones of those now too that he ends up with a big bumblebee type bum, and they start falling apart.

I’m thinking Swim Mates adult nappies underneath them for next time - but they’re £70 a pack so I had been trying to hold off!

Sorry don't know why that links the float suit! But the website will take you on the drop down menu to the stuff am on about!

@x2boys and @SleeplessInWherever have you come across this company?

Toddler Float Suit | Confidence-Building Swimwear | Splash About UK https://www.splashabout.com/collections/learn-to-swim-floatsuit?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=1072330457&gclid=Cj0KCQjwndHEBhDVARIsAGh0g3AhgAJYNRVSjWyQbSzfEhLVvh9hSxLbPFbnhDChBLpwdDsx3Tl2CnUaApCEEALw_wcB

They do continence swim wear for all ages.