To be struggling with friends SEN child??

Fortunately people quite that ignorant aren't that common. In general I do find most people supportive.

And that's one of the hard things about having a child with disabilities. You do have to accept there are things you can't do that others take for granted. If OP's friend can't understand why OP want to find other arrangements to meet, then that is a problem with her. You can understand the other perspective, feel very sad about it and that you can't just go round for coffee, and work with what you can do. OP could just walk away but she's not. She's looking for a way to make the friendship work.

It being hard for her friend doesn't mean OP isn't right to put limits on her home as a venue.

This is what parents are disabled children are up against.

I agree that the OP is clearly a kind & supportive person.

Nobody wants their house trashed. I feel very sorry for the friend that she can no longer go into her friends homes, that feels very othering. I get that some people won’t think it’s a big deal. But to me it’s another thing that most people take for granted that the friend can’t do.

If you don't understand the difference between a badly behaved child with no disabilities and a child with learning disabilities and Special Educational Needs, even after many people have explained the difference, you should just leave this thread as you are unable to make a intelligent contribution due to your sheer ignorance and inability to learn. Do you believe that physically disabled people in wheelchairs just need a bit of discipline and tough love and then they should be able to get up and walk? You are unbelievable in your ignorance and lack of empathy.

You are either just being goady or your lack of comprehension and understanding about children with SEN is almost unbelievable. Do you actually believe that children with learning disabilities can just stop being disabled with a bit of discipline and harsh parenting?

She would be acting 'me and mine first' if she declines to meet somewhere other than OP's home. Then she is saying that she doesn't care that the behaviours negatively impact OP's children and OP as long as her needs are met.

OP's need and her children's needs are important too. Especially in their own home where it's is most appropriate to have boundaries.

Social services supports the people with the greatest need first. Private citizens in their own homes are not expected to use their home to offer support to their detriment. A home should be a safe place for those who live there.

OP is being kind and supportive by trying to meet both needs and continue the friendship.

No im not. This is so frustrating.

SEN mum is not acting “me & mine” first. Per the OP’s first post she is doing her best. We support the people with the greatest need.

And words like “boundaries” are often used to get us out of something that would be kind or supportive but often inconvenient.

As well as the meeting in a mutual place idea, what if you just kept the visits to you visiting them for a while? Then you can leave when you like or need to. Also, I think I’d find it hard not to tell the kid off for continually breaking your kids’ stuff! I get that they are SEN but do they break stuff everywhere? Libraries? School? Their own home? How severe are their needs? I’m sure not all SEN kids go round breaking everything? Your friend also should really be making noises about replacing these broken items even if you then say no it’s okay. Hope you find a good way through this without upsetting ur friend. I also have a friend with feral kids but when we are together I just tell them off as if they are my own and she seems kind of grateful that someone is taking a firm hand and having rules. They are not SEN tho… just unruly!

Stop having them in your home and agree to meet in the middle of where you both live.
Maybe at a soft play centre or park?

Your children’s happiness and well being is more important than a coffee with your friend.
If needs be, stick to just talking on the phone.

I did wonder if there was a limited availability on bigger sized pads for pools. He is very big for his age and would need adult sized ones. I just sort of presumed they were available for complex needs adults (for things like hydrotherapy) but then maybe they are prescription only?

It’s the bit I probably struggle with most about it all. She will happily take the risk of him doing this even though it is grim, and it’s also so disruptive to everyone else in the pool. I can’t get my head round it as he wears a pad the rest of the time so I don’t know why she thinks being in a pool exempts him from one.

You sound like a lovely friend and as an SEN parent, I’d say you’ve really got two options:

Meet elsewhere – suggest meeting at her house or somewhere neutral. Lots of places now have SEN-friendly sessions that might work better.

Damage limitation at home – if they only visit occasionally then you could lock away anything precious in a bedroom upstairs. You can pick up some cheap toys from a charity shop or Facebook Marketplace for them to play with—so nothing breakable or sentimental.

You clearly care and that means a lot. I’m sure you can find a solution that works for everyone.

There's only one person talking rubbish here.

You are just goading anyway, you haven't even acknowledged the child's disability once. Not all children are capable of learning manners because they are DISABLED.

Babes, I could not possibly care less about your opinion. You’re a snowflake trying to sniff out something to be offended by. Adios :)

Well I wasn’t aware of its PREVIOUS meaning - it says ‘dated’ so it’s not a term ive ever linked to disability.
I’m far from a bully actually - I’m the mum of 2 disabled children who has had to change jobs to support my family so I found her ignorant comments rather triggering.
I find it quite rich that you’ve just pulled me for calling someone an imbecile (who has made a slew of stupid comments) and yet you’re throwing the word ‘bully’ around.

I don't have time to keep replying to a bully who uses offensive slurs deliberately to try to scream people into silence, and I have to go now.

But be aware that everyone knows you are a bully who uses offensive slurs, and regardless of any comebacks you attempt, this will always be true.

If I have time later I will check in to see if you have any more frothing and shrieking to add, but in the meantime if I ignore you it is because I have better things to do, not because you have managed to bully scream or intimidate me into silence.

Nope, it is an offensive slur. But that is why you used it, because you are a bully.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/imbecile

Says the person who talks rubbish, thinks manners are not needed and reply back with two sentences. You have nothing smart to add. 🤡🤡🤡🤡

It means ‘stupid’ you wet wipe - I know plenty of stupid people whom aren’t disabled.

I’m bowing out gracefully now as you know the saying ‘can’t argue with stupid’ 🤣🤣🤣

Calling someone an imbecile is an offensive slur. If you want to advocate for people with disabilities, do better.

They can't be for real.

And they have a four year old and apparently believe in 'good hidings'. Poor kid.

You got it wrong way round. 😂😂😂
No need to feel sorry for my kids who have got manners. I feel sorry for kids who don’t have manners cause their parents don’t teach them. That in turn effects my kids😡

are you that mum 🤡who let there 9–10 year old screaming son come into my changing cubicle today then told me he can’t help it and got cross with me for telling him to get out?(My 4 year old child knows not to do that) 🙄 odd that a child that age was even in a lady’s changing zone. I’m waiting for you to justify that or turn it back on to me😂