It’s a Christmas one sorry! AIBU not inviting my in-laws to spend it with my family?

Again, I am pleased to see that majority agree with you OP.

Good for you for not letting your cheeky, pushy husband make your mum's life harder by rudely inviting people who don't need an invite and will be fine on their own.

Good for you for insisting that he agrees to the agreement he made and doesn't bulldozer your boundaries to suit himself.

They'll be fine.

Hahahahaha!

Nah.

Just like in the 'cheating friend's thread, MN's double standards are once more obvious.

If this were a woman asking to host her mum and sister and DH had the big family shindig, there would be no talk of coersion or bulldozering boundaries but about the spirit of Christmas and inclusion. The DH would also be called useless and lazy for implying adding 2 more persons would lead to more work for his mum (as he should)😅

The thing is, OP and her DH seem to live much closer to her family so inevitably see them more. It isn't just Christmas where his family loses out.

My compromise would be:

• OP's family only
• DH's family only
• Combined families

By then, OP should have her own place to host.

Don’t be so mean

You're right in some ways, because I had to invite awkward and slightly estranged FIL to DCs birthday party this year. By had to, I mean I felt I should. But I just left him to it, and he seemed to have a nice time and I told DH it was his job to keep FIL entertained so I feel it doesn't need to be a big deal unless you let it. I just drank lots of wine and enjoyed myself. I wish re Maldives! Hope you have a lovely Christmas too 😊

@Isitreallysohard

ok, maybe, coerced was a wee bit strong but sometimes "perceived social expectation" detracts from the joy of the celebration?

Have a merry full house this Christmas lovely 😉(but I bet you're off to the Maldives or some other exotic) 😄

That's fair, I'm the more the merrier type. The language is so strong though, coerced etc is quite extreme, it's just Christmas 🎄 😳

Tell dh that you will certainly ask your mum to include them and she probably will.

And the next year will your in laws be ready to host for 12 extra people? Because that is how it is working right?

by the same token though @Isitreallysohard why should people have to be coerced into any situation?

I get that you wouldn't mind an "extra two" but that is not what is at play here, is it?

I'm genuinely shocked at how many people think this man's proposal is fine. He's not hosting. It's not his decision. He's not even suggesting ways to make this huge imposition easier on the host.

OP makes it very clear that when she lives in a house where she is able to host then things will most likely change. But until then, DH is going to have to live with the current situation.

The solution would be that DH spends the rest of the year making sure his mum and sister are not lonely and feel loved and embraced by him People don't only feel lonely at christmas.

That's what I was wondering, won't everyone be bringing food anyway? We always have enough food for double the people. Don't most people have leftovers for days?

MN: Why is there no community anymore? Why don't I have any friends? Why is my family not very close? It takes a whole village ... etc

Also MN: Do not under any circumstances invite your MIL and SIL to Christmas, they can stay at home. F them, stand your ground. Your husband is a dick. LTB

🤣🤣🤣 never a dull moment 😉

Oh, it's a shame you didn't read the OPs words because she explained precisely why it is a big deal :)

Feminist stance? Eh? Now I know you are responding to a comment I didn't make, imply or infer 😂

Nah, it's a big deal to the OP who has remembered the spirit of Christmas is not rudely inviting people to other people's crowded, busy homes when they will be perfectly fine with one another in their own home. As agreed.

So that's that :)

Only read a couple of your replies but 12-14 makes no difference really (I regularly cooked for 20+), so enough with your DM running herself ragged for a couple of extra guests. If that's really the case then your family are lazy. It should fall to everyone not just her

To me it's not about the husband or some feminist stance. Two extra people at Christmas is not a big deal, and it's nice to invite people who are otherwise going to have a sad, lonely Christmas. That is actually what Christmas is about. This thread is actually a great insight into how everyone has forgotten the actual point of Christmas 😞😮‍💨

Genuinely bizarre that some are pretending that just inviting extra people into an already overcrowded house when someone else is doing the hosting and has NOT invited them is ok or nice.

So glad that OP is sticking up for her mum and that she won't just let her husband change the arrangement he agreed to now that it's his turn.

And the way people are talking about the mother and sister like they're waifs and strays in an alleyway instead of adult humans who will be cosy and safe at home with one another for company. Bizarre.

The drama that a minority are trying to invoke because a woman wants to stick to a perfectly fair, amicable arrangement that works for everyone except her pushy husband is like something out of a bloody Dickens novel 😂

To everyone berating the op for not wanting to invite her in laws because "it's only 2 more". What if her siblings brought all their in laws too?

I was thinking the same thing @CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson. If the OP brings her DH’s side, her siblings might want to do the same and her Mum would be in a really difficult position then.

I don’t think that they can invite more people to her Mum’s already crowded house. When they’re hosting, fine.

ofc it is, absolutely, but at whose expense?

and just because @OtterlyMad's husband decides it should be so?

It's not nice to try to force your wife to break an arrangement you have agreed to because it's your turn, and similarly not nice to rudely ask someone to invite people they haven't chosen to invite into an already overcrowded and busy home 🤷🏻‍♀️

But it's perfectly nice to just stick to the arrangement and see them next year.

Nice is subjective.

Because it's ok to be nice 🤷🏻‍♀️

And yes, of course two extra people is far too many extra given your post which explains the matter clearly :)

It's very mean spirited of your husband to try to bulldozer your arrangement now that it's your turn.

It's two extra people, it really isn't much if there are already lots of people coming and it won't mean cooking extra food. Don't be stingy and mean. They are your family too, it's Christmas!

It's great to see most agree with you OP, you're definitely not being unreasonable.

It's also, as noted, very rude to ask your mother to add people to her already busy, crowded house, as she is quite capable of making that suggestion herself if she wants to and it puts her in a position where she has to say yes - and yep, everybody understands that this is the case.

So no, he can go visit them or he can do the right thing and stick to the agreement. And of course they will NOT be alone and have one another and next year will be their turn.

They'll be fine.

Yes, YABU. I completely understand your DH's point of view - how can he enjoy the day if the sad thought of his lonely mother and sister are at the back of his mind the whole time?

If your DM is willing, be generous. They don’t have to sleep at your mother's - why not suggest they book a B&B?

If they don’t enjoy the free-and-easy atmosphere perhaps they would refuse future invitations. That’s up to them. But perhaps they would enjoy it.