do people think this is normal behaviour

I’m not on fb but my WhatsApps go back many years.

I think when it comes to saving chats the key point is whether it’s done actively or passively. If chats automatically save and you have to actively delete them then saving them is passive. So no one is deliberately saving your messages, they just haven’t deleted them, which is pretty normal for a lot of people, myself included. If the messaging service you were using automatically deleted messages after a certain time and you had to make a point of deliberately saving them then I’d understand being upset that someone was saving them, though you do always need to be aware that this is a possibility. However, I think you’re being really unfair to object to someone “saving” your messages when actually all they’ve done is not delete them. You made an assumption about what they would do, based on what you yourself would do, and that assumption was wrong. They are not at fault here. Just politely say you’d like them to delete your messages.

I appreciate from your other posts that there is more going on here. But your original point about deleting messages is unreasonable.

Christ, I have enough actual admin in my life without creating unnecessary admin tasks like deleting Facebook messages.

Your friend and her partner have done nothing wrong. I appreciate that you have issues but that doesn't excuse you being so demanding.

That's a really good lesson then on not sharing things on SM .

That's definitely not my intention. I'm in long term therapy. Have been for over 15 years. Because it's not really safe to trust people, especially those you don't know. One on one therapy is therefore great. I believe most people should have it tbh.

I've been there and done that many times myself- being vulnerable and questioning whether I should have, with that person and so on.

I'd never want group therapy genuinely because I don't see how that gets to the core reason behind anyone's struggles. I do believe it does have benefits though for learning techniques and meeting people in a similar position. No more than that though.

If you don’t want people to save your chats then you need to use something like Snapchat where your messages disappear and you get a warning if the recipient screenshots.
“Assume that people are keeping receipts” is something that most teens will know.

I wouldn't tell her or anyone too much about you. People really can be dicks. Even if they aren't, the unease that you now feel is a huge sign that you need to protect your privacy and things that are very private, especially don't put anything in writing.

Maybe a one on one private counsellor instead of group therapy ( or in addition to) would be good. Therapy is so personal, people need to have a private confidential space to be totally themselves safely.

She’s copying and pasting the bit she wants to reply to but not using quotation marks so at first glance it looks like her words.

OP that’s unique. I know one person in life who actually does this, the norm is you just leave it there. I’m not saying it’s weird, just not common. And referring to something you said before is just how conversation works? Means they have listened to you and are relating things. I think this is probably your anxiety talking.

Just someone who doesn't know how to quote.

I never delete Facebook chats, so I think it's normal.

What help? Deleting messages?

I’m confused about how this thread has gone from asking about deleting messages to being blocked because you’ve kicked off that they haven’t asked you to spend time with them when you’ve told them you’re feeling down / are struggling!? They are two totally unrelated concepts. 🤯

Whilst I can understand you feeling let down that they haven’t at least acknowledged your message, especially when you’ve shared that you are struggling, which I agree is pretty shit of them, you also sound quite needy. There was nothing stopping you asking them for coffee etc if you felt you needed some company. I think a movie at a house with a couple sounds very third wheel!

You sound very paranoid. I dont delete chats, seems most on here dont either.

What have you done to be 'there for them' ? What are you expecting from them?

I think what you’re forgetting is that you met these friends at support groups. You’re all dealing with stuff. Don’t make the friendship an extension of the support group, your friends probably want to talk about and do something else outside of those groups. Use the groups for support and friendships from those groups as something lighter.

I’m sorry OP but this really is a you problem. You can’t expect your friend and their partner to drop everything to support you, you’re not their child or their responsibility. You are (presumably) a grown adult, you need to find a support system professionally for the anxiety.

Yes, you are definitely the outlier for deleting chats.

Re the 'expecting them to come over' - we'd all need a lot more context to know about that, which obviously you don't need to share here, but no, I wouldn't expect some people I met at a support group who I had become friendly with to anticipate I wanted them to come over at any point, without asking them directly.

tbh i think that is the odd behaviour here.

No one has suggested that it is one sided. But for whatever reason, that night your friend and her bf (best friend? Boyfriend?) were unable to offer you support.

And, yes, if someone wanted support from you but you felt overwhelmed by it or were doing something nice for yourself and didn't want it interrupted or just plain didn't want to, it would be fine for you to not get involved then too.

It's important to recognise and honour your own needs and not just other people's.