Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

I’m all for children (and parents) doing potty training when it works best for them. Usually parents know when the timing is right for their children, and it may be different amongst siblings etc.

BUT

I spent a year teaching Reception and all parents were required to sign a form stating that their children were potty trained when they started. There were a couple with additional needs, so it was expected that they might be behind and would have accidents. No problem.

In a class of 30 at least a THIRD of them were absolutely not trained. I spent so long everyday for over 6 months feeling like all I could manage was a rotation of changing children and scrubbing carpets/furniture. It wasn’t fair on me or any of the other children. I spoke to one parent about it when I repeatedly ran out of clothes for her child and had to keep borrowing from other children and she told me that she assumed it was one of the things I would be teaching him, or that he’d just get it when he saw the others doing it!!

(She would also regularly return the borrowed clothes to other parents unwashed and soiled)

My 7 year old autistic son is still in pull ups. He simply will not wee on a toilet. He happily does all his poos on the toilet with one of those seats with steps but cannot do the same for wees. I despair. The school were letting him do a reduced day but want to slowly build up to a full day and are concerned about the fact he is still in pull ups but he also will only poo on the toilet at home so im pretty stuck

I don’t know anyone who assumes that parents are lazy because a child isn’t toilet trained until 3. My experience - of both child and cat - is that there is little actual “training” required. They just do it when they’re ready. I don’t equate it with any effort on the parents’ part.

I did actually start trying to train DD at 2 years. Didn’t get very far and gave up. She just did it by herself at 2 years 4 months.

My DS was probably ready around 2yr but I wasn't, so we delayed and at 3yr it only took 2 days. Yeah ok maybe I was 'lazy' in other peoples eyes but fuck it, what difference does it make anyway.

Well it’s only “lazy” if you could have done it but haven’t because it was too much effort, surely?

How many children have you 'trained' you must be an expert to be so critical?

First dd trained at 2. This was the advice in the 90s anyway

ydd started using a potty around 20 months as she observed her older sister and wanted to be like her

The problem is more with our society, the media and the nappy companies pushing us to use their products. Obviously the fact that women now work outside the home will have an impact too. This means that children who would have been clean well before 2 are now only starting to be 'trained' after 3. Which yes I think is a shame personally. For them, for us as a society and the environmental impact.

I got all mine (4) out of nappies between 18months and 2. It would have been late by my grandmother's standard but I was working full time and didn't want to put too much pressure on the childminder so wanted to make sure no accidents. Using washable nappies helped and they were all introduced to the potty much earlier. For the main I was only dealing with wet nappies for about 9-12months before taking off the nappies altogether.

Do I judge parents who do it later as lazy? Not particularly, i don't care that much about another individual parents choice. I sometimes judge our society and what we have become but potty training is quite a small issue amongst many others to be honest.
Otherwise i did it that way for me and my children, not for anyone else's approval.

Yanbu. I left it to just over 3 for both of mine as I needed to wait for time off in-between Xmas and new year. They'd had a toilet trainer seat, potty and pull ups for well over 6 months so they could practice with encouragement when they wanted to.

It was incredibly easy moving over to proper pants as we were at home with no rushing around. All done when they went back to nursery in January with just one accident each. No bags of wet clothes or accidents when we went shopping.

We also potty trained just before 3. Nailed it almost instantly. We also never used a potty, we went straight for training seat on the toilet and after a week or two they also refused to use a training seat and confidently used the adult toilet.

Very few accidents - we just kept reminding them to try the toilet.

They were dry at night within a month as well. We’ve had a far less stressful experience than others at nursery who started 18m-2yo. We don’t have to cart around a travel potty on days out because they use the adult loo.

I imagine most people have potty trained between 18 months and 2. We then hear about the potty training problems on MN. That makes it seem like lots of people are struggling with it or are lazy.

We tried with my daughter just before 3. We had a week of weeing on the floor, never in the potty and I just put her nappy back on and we tried again just after her third birthday. That time stuck. But I'll always remember in between those two attempts I took her out somewhere and needed to change her nappy in the car. Someone walked past and said in a singsong voice "that looks awkward, probably getting a bit too big for nappies" and just carried on walking. I was so stunned that someone would say that to a complete stranger and in a singsong voice, that I didn't say anything but I still wish that I'd told her to mind her own business to this day (it was 5 years ago!)

Oh it’s just daft isn’t it.

All of my three sons were potty trained around the age of three…eldest a month younger, middle and youngest a month after. I’d tried a couple of time before between two and a half and three and they just weren’t getting it within a couple of days so we stopped.

At three…almost instant. I saw lots of other parents say their child was potty trained early, when in reality they were still asking them constantly if they needed the loo and dealing with accidents.

Memory is very subjective around this and also people love a chance to feel superior.

But the presence of other young children in the household, both parents having to work..all of that can affect when you choose to train.

I know I always had to wait until I had a good block of leave and a time when I knew I didn’t have to leave the house a lot…not as easy as it sounds when you have nursery and school drop offs etc.

In short, who cares if other people think you’re lazy.

You’re the adult in your house, you know your child and circumstances best.

No-one is going to ask them at a job interview if they were two or three when they achieved bladder control!

I work FT and took time off work several times with no results each time we tried to potty train my son. People only have a limited number of days of annual leave, you know.

Mine are now in their 40s. In the dark ages it was usually around the age of two that people started potty-training, if I remember rightly. DS1 was a summer baby so that was easy as could leave him bare-bummed at times; DS2 was winter so he wasn't dry until around two and a half.

The GC are teens and they were trained around the same ages. It works for some but not for everyone.

I tried to potty train my son several times between the age of just 2 and 3, and it was just a disaster every time.

In the end we had to force the issue just after he turned 3 because we live in France and he was only 2 months off starting school by that point. It was stressful though.

That stupid "Oh Crap" book was completely unhelpful and just made me stress more than ever.

I'm the opposite of lazy where my kids are concerned.

We did the same but 40+ years ago. Helped that we had a garden and the week was warm and sunny! As I said upthread, we were all pleased to get rid of the towelling nappies and hard plastic pants - disposable nappies are too comfy and convenient to encourage toilet training.

Why do you think potty training earlier than others makes parents feel superior?

This thread. Just an example...

Younger doesn't means longer. 2 of mine were dry before 2 almost instantly. With no accidents after day 2.

DS was definitely ready at 18 months but it did take more than 2 days and I'm glad I didn't give up at that point because by the end of the week he was potty trained.

Surely if they aren't robots and there's no set age, they aren't automatically not ready if they aren't potty trained within a day or 2?

Don’t be ridiculous. 3 is a perfectly normal age to potty train and ime children have to be “ready” for most milestones. And if you catch them when “ready” it’s easy for them. If you go too early or too late, you will both struggle. That’s not lazy. That’s just common sense. With potty training, children have to be able to not just realise they have “gone” they have to understand what that feeling is when they are about to go and know that this means they need the potty/toilet and then have the understanding to act on that in time to get there, remove clothes and sit. So you are completely incorrect in saying that children must just basically be walking and able to remove clothes.

HNRTFT but I waited until nearly 3 and all trained within 48hours. Maybe I was being lazy but couldn’t be arsed with futile potty chasing!
All fully continent adults now 😉

My 2 are older, 21&19 and back then it was more normal to have them toilet trained when they were 2.
i took a week off work for the sole purpose of doing it. We didn’t use a potty either and both were dry in 3 days.
I wouldn’t say waiting till they are 3 is lazy parenting at all, it does take effort but that’s the same if they are 2 or 3

surely it's obvious?

If the child is ready, he's potty trained within a day or 2 at most, and never has accident. They're not robots, there's no set age.

if it takes forever and the child has countless accidents, even weeks later, day or night, then he wasn't ready.

Either they're potty trained or they're not.