Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

Oh god I totally agree with you.

My friend “trained” her dd when she turned 2. I say “trained” because she was chasing her around with a potty and asking if she needed a wee every 5 minutes for about a year. I started feeling the pressure when ds1 (same age as friend’s dd) was 2.5. Tried twice over a couple of months and both times it was a disaster. Left it for a few months as was heavily pregnant and tried it again just after he turned 3. I was on maternity leave, he got the gist of it within a week. I wish I had just waited the first time.

With ds2 I’d wised up by then and waited until the May half term after his 3rd birthday. Took the week off (also for childcare for him and ds1) and potty trained him then. Easy as pie. I think he got it within about 2 days. Preschool staff were so shocked when I took him back in and told them I’d trained him and even more shocked when he never had any accidents!

Even now I have a friend who has been struggling with potty training her 3 year old for well over a year. I don’t say anything obviously but I just wonder if it is really worth the stress, all the people I know who have ongoing accidents with their kids are the ones who started early.

I’m sure people will come along and tell you that back in the 90s kids were ALL trained by the age of 18 months. That just isn’t true 🤷‍♀️ my mum said she tried to potty train me at age 2 and it was hopeless but I got it at age 3.

It’s not laziness but imo you do need to have a parent who is willing to take a few days off work to stay at home and crack it then, and also I was quite firm with my two and pressed the point that nappies were for babies, apart from at bedtime. Any accidents they had to help clean up. Both of mine would have quite happily stayed in nappies if given the choice because they didn’t want to stop what they were doing to go to the toilet. IMO, IF they are ready they will crack it within a week and if not then you should park it for a few more weeks.

Advice I was offered once was to wait until they are ready. If you try and they are not getting it, wait a bit and try again.

made sense to me and it was a breeze, no potty needed. Took a while longer to get DS2 to poo on the toilet and not in a nappy but he cracked it in the end.

Having said that, children are different. They learn at different rates. It’s just luck. If you are putting it off when they are ready, that is laziness.

We left it late. I'm also a pretty "lazy" parent. Did it at 3, was done in 2 weeks. No stress, no drama, just clicked and done. Honestly we waited until they were at home over summer, for consistency. Makes no difference to me or my DC and I don't care about anyone else making judgements on that. It isn't something we pushed with either child. I'm not going to do it earlier and make more work for myself and my child, just going with the flow 😁 they wanted them in nappies at nursery unless they were fully toilet trained so that definitely had an impact.

Because what child wants to sit in a wet or shitty nappy when they don’t need to. It’s not rocket science. And lets face if, kids haven’t changed over the last 50 years, so it’s some other reason why kids are toilet trained later isn’t it?

I don't think it's lazy, just a bit strange. But loads of my friends trained around 3 and I never thought ill of them, or superior that I'd done it earlier. Of course, I had plenty of mums telling me 2 and a bit years was ridiculously late!! And my granny of course telling me my mum, aunt and uncle were trained day and night by 12 months...

I think it’s down to understanding (which can vary massively from child to child) and method used. I did the two day method with my DD and we had no accidents and she was under two.

I think a lot of it (maybe not all, but certainly a significant amount) comes down to different children, though? Rather than some sort of superior parenting. And I’m sure this is the case for lots of other things too - “good” eaters and sleepers, for example.

My son potty trained at 2y5m. Cracked it quickly as most of his nursery peers were already trained, and I’d been delaying due to having a new baby. Never had an accident at home and never had a poo accident. Still, at just turned 4y, not dry at night.

Little sister self- initiated potty training a fortnight ago at 2y1m. I had hoped to wait a bit longer as I have a newborn, plus I thought it might be easier (lazy!) - but she instantly got it and had been dry at night since day one. I’ve not done anything differently - they are just different kids!

I think this gets contentious really quickly unfortunately. I guess my absolutely honest answer '"If I weren't afraid of hurting your feelings", as they say on social media these days - is that a huge amount of kids are ready at 2 and that we underestimate them. I think most 2 year old (2-2.5, that is) are aware they are soiling themselves and could learn quite quickly if the parent tried. Once they reach this milestone it suddenly seemed wrong to keep the nappies on.

But wet nappies at night is mostly hormonal - you can’t really change / force that

Same here. When they’re ready, they’re ready and I barely remember toilet training my two. It was over and done with in less than a week.
Obviously there would have been an issue if they were getting close to starting school but they both showed signs of being ready at around 3yo.
Night time training took longer and DS2 was dry before his 3 years older brother. Again it’s very much about when they are ready physically.

Well that's great for your daughter but some kids genuinely do take a lot longer to figure it out.
The problem is that whatever you do, you literally cannot make a toddler shit on command.
If you happen to be the mum whose kid took a longer time to potty train then you have to deal with being seen as an inferior parent and you are downgraded in friendship circles.

My DC got it at 2.5 in one day. Kids are much smarter than we give them credit for.

Mine were all 2years & a few months, depending on when it suited our schedule. No fuss, no drama, no accidents after the first couple of days. Also took night nappies away within the same month and have changed less than 3 wet beds in my life.

I think it’s one of those things where if you find it easy, you don’t understand what the fuss is about. I certainly didn’t. I remember staying with family when youngest 2yrs 8mo and being offered a night nappy by a sister with a child a whole year older than mine (our bags were unavailable) and I think i must have offended her as I was genuinely confused and flippantly said what would I want that for?

Probably because the advice is to do it before 3, potty training does take some effort as all things so that's probably why people think it's lazy (and assuming you're hoping by leaving later it will be easier for you)

@NavyRose here here!
It took me well over a year to potty train my ds but he had cracked it by 3.5 and was also dry overnight. It didn't help that he had some awful digestives issues that were making it hard for him to poo and he developed what seemed to be anxiety about doing a number 2 anywhere other than his nappy. I think I had 3 in person GP appointments and 3 phone consultations before I went private and we actually got some answers regarding the chronic constipation he had been experiencing. Absolute nightmare and set our potty training efforts back by a good few months.
None of the 3 day/oh crap stuff worked on my kid by the way. It just. Did. Not. Work.
But yeah, apparently I'm lazy.
Look, if that makes you mums whose kids potty trained at a "correct" age feel better about yourselves by comparison to a slovenly mum like me then go for it, bask in it, have a medal 🥇 you win.

I’m happy for you to think I’ve been done over by Big Pampas. DS got it in about three days when we got off our lazy arses and did it pretty much on nursery’s orders at 34 months. It set him up much better than his peers who were pushed too soon and still having accidents months and months after starting.

I think waiting until they can pick it up quickly is "working smarter not harder", as opposed to lazy.

3 is certainly late and yes, I think it's lazy parenting and environmentally rather irresponsible. "Readiness" (beyond basic physical ability to stand, walk and pull down clothes) is largely a myth promulgated by Pampers etc and seized on by parents who can't cope with a few accidents or actually having to teach their child something rather than waiting for them to do it of their own accord.

Same nearly 35 years ago now. Didn't see the point and straight to insert seat on loo. Potty were too low, tipped over as they sat down/ stood up, Gave that up quickly as it was off putting for them. All trained within a week, day and night 2.5 to 3 yrs across 3 kids.

Just turned 3 isn't late? It's about average for boys I think, based on my friends. Girls seemed to be ready a bit earlier, more like 2.5. I did it the week after mine turned 3 and it took him a week to even slightly get it, with months of regular accidents - with hindsight I probably should have waited a bit longer.

my DD and my D Niece are same age, DN was started at 2, and ended up with severe constipation, and scared of the loo, SIL had to abandon it for 18mo.

I waited until DD was just 4, and it took 2 weeks.

I don't think its lazy to wait til the kid is ready, whatever age that is.

we did it late, but both my kids are AuDHD, and my DS had dyspraxia too, so he's never been great on learning his bodies cues.

In both cases, i waited until they showed signs of wanting to, and went at their pace.

DS was just short of 5 when he 'got it' to at least be dry, the other side took a bit more work and there were accidents in reception.

DD was just 4.