Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

Staggering lack of empathy for people who try to potty train but who have kids that genuinely struggle with it...

It’s often easier when they are younger. It’s a misconception that waiting until they’re older makes it easier. We had one poo accident (dh took dd1 to the park and forgot to toilet her first) and I can count the wee accidents on my fingers - 3 dc.

That said, some aren’t ready and will be later. I judge those who don’t try.

Mine was trained at 18 months, it wasn't distressing and it didn't take longer. It made sense to me to do it early before he could have an opinion about it.

I'll be training my twins in a few months when they turn 18 months as well.

Nursery worker here- just my 2 cents. Once the child is aware they are wet/soiled, changing becomes really awkward. When they can tell you they’ve done a wee or a poo, it’s time to toilet train. However we’ve had children up to age 3.5 still in nappies who have been telling us for months their nappies are dirty and need changing. At that point, it’s laziness through and through.
However, children who aren’t ready, aren’t ready. I’ve met just turned 2 year olds who can toilet independently, to 5 year olds who only use potty/need help wiping/need reminders every hour. Children are all so different. Do what’s best for your child!

You will be the best person to determine your own child’s readiness. Some may be 18 months, others 3 years. Probably depends on both the child’s development, their environment (I’m a stay at home mum which makes toilet training a lot easier) and the parents toilet training “philosophy”.

I have a 21 month old who is starting to show signs of being interested in using the toilet, however despite sitting her on it frequently absolutely no progress has been made. I don’t know when she’ll actually be toilet trained, it could be a year away or it could be months away and in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter.

Like many things with parenting, there needs to be more support and less judgement.

Whatever works best for your child.
Often the parents online who are prickly about being perceived as doing it 'late' are also the ones who seem to believe that all of us who did it 'early' have struggles with accidents etc etc. I mean you see that on this thread! I think it's best just to focus on your own children and what's best for them.

My eldest was trained within about a week at 2.5
2 years 4 months I trained my little one- speech delayed so I really thought he would struggle. Actually he was sorted by the end of day three, on the toilet and no potties. Neither of them showed the signs of readiness other than physically being able to learn to climb up to toilet and pull pants up and down. I just chose bank holiday weekend both times! It appears to have worked for them.

This.

All three of mine trained around their 2nd birthdays, were dry during the day in two weeks. DC1 was dry at night 5 months later, DC2 dry at night at the same time as during the day and DC3 dry at night by 3. I don’t know if not being dry at night counts or not but the convenience and expense of being dry during day just after their second birthdays was worth it. Every parent I know who waited till 3 did it because they couldn’t be arsed to stay in for a week and properly train their kids, which it what it takes. All this they are only reliably dry by 3 anyway just becomes a rhetoric to excuse the laziness (which to be honest a lot of people are open about).

I'm now a childminder and my pet hate is: child turns two, HV tells them they must be potty trained, child turns up to me in pants after a day...

Yes thats not fair at all, thats asking you to do the work. Mum or dad need to use their holiday and have the child home for a week to sort it initially.

TBH MN is weird - any time I had issues with my DC potty training people would say oh just wait, they'll do it when they're older, don't worry.

They were all late - DS1 was somewhere past 3 but before 3y3m when he started nursery. DS2 was 3y8m though he does have SEN, DS3 was the youngest, he did it about a week after turning 3, the accidental life hack was that we ended up combining the first day of letting him loose in underwear with moving house. We were too busy to hover and stress over him and he did brilliantly.

I have to say also DS2 was the quickest and easiest to potty train because he just decided he was ready and had about two accidents ever, the others were a PITA with lots of back and forth before they finally got it.

There are very obvious benefits to training them younger. No more nappies is cheaper and better for the environment. Plus child doesn’t have to sit in their own wee/ poo waiting for a change.

My DD potty trained herself at 18 months, though I had introduced the potty at 6 months and sat her on it after every nappy change and nap. She had 2 accidents and that was it. Dry day and night.

My DS I started at 2 exactly, again had been sitting him on the potty since 6 months, and he was dry within a week. Only problem I had with him is he wouldn’t initiate wees, but as long as I told him to go every 3 hours it was fine. Finally got the initiation part at 3. I am very glad I did get the idea of going to the potty into him early as he is such a stubborn 3 year old I think introducing it late would have been very hard work.

And for both of mine it has made their bowel movements more regular as they think about it when they sit down for a wee.

I don’t judge other parents in a negative way for not potty training earlier, just think they are making their lives harder than necessary and spending more money!

People also are completely unrealistic about young childrens toileting independence as well. They will claim 2 year old "wasn't ready" because they needed:

• reminders/prompting
• help wiping or with clothes

If you waited until they never needed prompting some boys wouldn't be "ready" till about puberty.

A child is still toilet trained if the caregiver is reminding, or using strategies like prompting a group of kids to go before meals or activities. I think a lot of parents these days want to wait until they simply don't have to think about reminding/helping the child at all.

Some parents do leave it late because they are lazy but that's not the case for every parent who trains late. Some kid's are are just not ready.

I potty trained all 3 of my boys just after there 2nd birthday. There was no way I wanted to be changing 3 year olds dirty nappies unless necessary. It was fairly straight forward.

Because 50 years ago they'd have been sitting in a cold, wet terry-towelling nappy rather than now when the wee is wicked away from their skin. Pampas etc are just too comfortable. And parents had the incentive to train them earlier so they didn't have the performance of dealing with the soiled towelling nappies!

I agree with this.

Well, on the bigger picture level disposable nappies are not good for the environment.

that’s a big benefit of training early, much fewer nappies going to landfill.

not really a benefit for the child or the parents as such though.

saves money I guess.

But where is the benefit in doing it early

Seriously? They get to stop wetting and soiling themselves 8 times a day and having a heavy, soggy plastic nappy hanging off their bum.

Masses of nappies (hundreds per month) going to landfill. Or if you are using washables, masses of electricity, detergent and water to wash them, plus wear and tear on the machine.

I've never really understood the race to do it either. I got a bit caught up in it with my first and everyone in our little group was whipping out the potty at 20 months, multiple changes of clothes and running to the toilet etc. I spent a frustrating week doing the same but DS never really caught on. Gave it a rest, everyone else fought the good fight for a few more weeks / months with accidents here and there but I suppose eventually they got it. But me and DS much happier in nappies - then, at 3 we tried again and he got it literally in 24 hours, no accidents, no tears, off we go.

Didn't even try with my other DC until they were well and truly ready, all past 3

I put it off 'til they were just 3 (twins). Combination of laziness, avoidance, a house move and other priorities.
It was a no drama transition, with only one wee on the floor and life moved on. 😀

Daughter was 18mo, son was 3 but horrendous at night for yeeears.

I'm now a childminder and my pet hate is: child turns two, HV tells them they must be potty trained, child turns up to me in pants after a day...

I tried my dd when she was 2 and it made it harder. She finally cracked it at 3 and 4 months but started withholding poo and I’m sure that was something to do with trying her too early. It was a nightmare tbf

Because its dirty, gross and bad for the environment to leave children in nappies any later than they need to be.

Yes it's hard work, yes toddlers might be stubborn and get upset about it but since when did we let 2 year olds decide what was good for them??

Its not a myth that children used to be out of nappies earlier. The vast majority did, there's lots of evidence. It was not easy to get them out of nappies, but people did manage it.

My son has pretty much got used to the potty now but my husband won't get on board with the no nappies situation. When you're not on the same page it's difficult to get anything done.

That's great, I'm jealous. My son once wet himself sitting at the top of a slide at softplay.

DD1 decided at 2 years 10 months she didn’t want to wear nappies and that was that. One day of accidents and then done.

I was therefore waiting for DD2 to do the same (so perhaps you could call that lazy, but why put yourself through the stress if you don’t need to!), but by 3.3 I realised she probably wasn’t going to and she too got it in a day.

DC3 we trained at 3.1. It was a very traumatic Easter weekend of bribing him to sit on the potty and he genuinely didn’t seem to have a clue if he needed to go or not and didn’t care at all if he wet himself. Luckily he got poos as wees were traumatic enough. I literally begged nursery to take him and help on day 5 and he did get it eventually. Touch wood he is now trained and is now dry overnight at 3.4 which his sisters weren’t.

I cannot imagine why anyone would want to train a child like DC3 younger and go through weeks / months of accidents. It’s not impacting anyone else a child being in nappies at 3.