Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

I don't know if I would call it 'lazy', but in my experience some parents don't want to deal with the effort/mess of potty training and hope that if they leave it for an extra year the child will essentially toilet train themselves within a few days.

I do think it is objectively worse for walking, talking children to be left in their own urine and faeces for a year longer than necessary and for the environment to add an extra year of plastic wrapped poo to landfill.

We waited until DD was almost 3 before we tried with her, she got it straight away. Basically over one weekend. One accident on the Saturday, one on the Sunday, dry from the Monday onwards and has never had another in 8 years. There was absolutely no stress, no worrying, nothing. She just got the hang of it. Enjoyed it, even! She got little prizes and chocolates and to feel like a big girl!

DS was a little over 3 when we tried. He was resistant from the start, absolutely detested every single second of it, cried every time we put him on the potty/toilet, despite many different incentives/flat out bribery, etc. But preschool had asked him to try on the toilet and he'd done it, so we felt we should continue it at home. We did the sticker chart and so on like we did with DD, and when we put the last sticker on he asked me if that meant he could go back to nappies. The look of betrayl when I said no, that was it, no more nappies...

He's 7 now. We're finally starting to come out the other side and he will go without an actual fight, but it's been the hardest thing about raising him, no question. It's one of the many things that put me off having a third.

My kids were at the later end - one is diagnosed with a type of ND that is known to correlate with late training, usually at an average of around 4 and a half.
Both of mine were reading before they started school though. The ND one taught themselves letters and numbers just before two and progressively built up the skill themselves until they were able to read books from about three and a half. The other spontaneously started reading a day after turning four. You won't catch me calling parents of kids who can't read before starting reception lazy, though 😁

Also agree. Pretty much everyone I know trained some time within the 18 months - 2.5 range because that is when their kids were showing the pampers approved signs of readiness even. Odd one or two were closer to 3-3.5.

Most took a couple of months to be totally accident free in the day time (although many had a younger sibling arrive in that time frame too), but all were largely done within a week on first attempt.

It is healthier not to be wearing nappies (see ERIC website) and surely more comfortable, so I think if people are leaving it beyond the first signs of readiness is unfair. It’s really not that difficult or gross to change the odd slightly wet trousers when they’ve been having too much fun and left the loo call a little late.

I don’t get it OP I’m not sure why it actually matters as long as they’re sorted before school? We started at 2.5 and dc got it in 1.5 days, then no accidents since. Easiest thing I’ve done. SO glad we didn’t start earlier. I’ve heard from so many mums who started early, it was a nightmare and then gave up and had to come back to it a few months later. I’m not sure what the point was of them doing that ie starting early. Just so they can say they’re not lazy?? No one so far on this thread has actually explained why it’s lazy other than saying yes it’s lazy. I can’t think of a reason.

We potty trained at 2 and a half mainly because it was Covid times and we were stuck at home so thought why not. She got it in a few days and went straight to the toilet. A lot of people will leave it to the summer time when they've time off work to tackle it properly.

Currently in the trenches toilet training DD who will be 2 this month. Wasn’t our ‘plan’ as wanted to wait until she was settled in next room at nursery but she has FOMO and they have a few TT at the moment so we are running with it as don’t want to miss the opportunity!

I think it's because people potty trained younger in the past? But all that pissing everywhere never happened for us and we waited until after 3. So I guess it worked out well

My second was a nightmare. Got weeing quite early but not poo. Constant accidents and it all got very distressing for everyone concerned. We were to the wire with starting school but all came good just in time. She did have chronic constipation through most of early childhood and still has gastrointestinal issues unless she avoids gluten. All children are different.

My mother genuinely thought I should start at 6/8 weeks

6-8 weeks,not 6-8 months,it seemed to involve taking the nappy off and hovering over the potty/newspaper and catching what fell

Sod that for a game of soliders-each one was just over 3 and each one sat on it themselves (with nappies on,so I took them off)

It took less than 48 hours with each one and she was horrified that they where not potty trained as almost newborns

Apparently she did it with me and then my brothers and we where all dry by 20 months (cough,bullshit,cough)

She did use Terry towlling nappies (my father didn't want to use pampers but was nowhere to be seen at any stage of using them)

Not a chance was I breaking my back for 18 months,holding a child in place on the potty on the off chance they had a piss when I could leave it and they'd train themselves

Disposable nappies - quick change - easy to delay potty training even if you are making the manufacturers £££
Terry nappies - heavy nappy buckets, nappy liners, washing machine on boil wash, horrendous tumble drier costs - potty training as soon as possible makes for an easier life.
But you can’t beat a washing line of clean white Terry nappies blowing in the wind can you?

This. Plus there is a lot of confusion around day time and night time. These are completely separate for some children, especially boys. Just focus on day time dryness. Almost all children are ready to use a toilet by aged 3. But it's not like all are going to walk uo to you and say this..parents need to have some time frame and commit..2 is too young for many..

^ I agree. I don’t like the insinuation on this thread from some that if your child was trained at 2 there was ‘fuss and drama’ along the way.

Both mine were trained at 2. There wasn’t any ‘fuss or drama’ or loads of accidents for months on end.

@WiseFinch absolutely this! At that point it definitely is laziness.

Like with everything to do with parenting it turns judgey and competitive!
I had people at toddler groups who “couldn’t believe it” when I said I hadn’t started potty training my 2yo yet - because their 18mo was “fully trained day and night and only had a few accidents if they were too busy playing” 🙄 when in reality what they meant was the child could see in the toilet when they were taken there at regular intervals but the child never initiated going to the toilet and if they weren’t taken at regular intervals they would wet themself - which isn’t actually potty trained at all. It’s just an 18mo without a nappy 🫠

DS started coming to me at about 2.5ish telling me he’d done a wee/poo and needed a new nappy. At that point we potty trained and he cracked it straight away 🙌🏻
Had maybe a fortnight when he started nursery at 3yo where he was having a wee accident during the day but it was always that he was busy playing and worried he’d miss the game if he went to the loo so by the time he decided to go he’d be desperate and wouldn’t make it in time. As soon as he settled into nursery that stopped 👍🏻
Other than the 2 weeks of accidents at nursery, he’s never had a wee/poo accident at all! But is still wet at night at 4.5!

Generally the later you leave it the easier they get it. I started mine around 2 and a half, although DS 2 was using the potty at 22 months, copying his big brother 😆

I think it also depends on circumstances, so if you’re picking one up from nursery, then going to school to collect another, then needing to go to the shop/an activity or whatever. One of my kids pood 2-3 times a day, another every two days - guess which one stayed in nappies longer when we had to go out?

I can’t imagine why you would leave your child in nappies if you could help them. To me it’s unkind because I would hate to wear a nappy if I didn’t have to.

Not laziness, but being misinformed a lot of the time. ‘Readiness’ is a very misunderstood concept and overused as an excuse not too. And then very often the wrong method is employed and so parents give up on it.

My eldest was dry at a little over 2, she asked one day to wear big girl pants. Very few accidents and was dry at night. My younger daughter we tried at similar age she just didnt get it waited till nearly 3 she was dry during the day, but wasnt dry fully at night to when she was around 4.

Each child went at their own pace and when ready. My eldest is autistic and i think when i look back now she absolutely hated the feeling of wet/ nappy so for her she didnt want to still wear them! We always had a potty around from about 18 months & had bought pants etc so we talked about it but waited till each was ready and understood.

This is how I feel as well. Most children can learn at 2!!

I genuinely feel once you start getting out of the potty ready period then you start actually training toddlers to get used to wees and poos in their nappies.

potty trained dc1 by their 2nd birthday. DC2 has just turned 2 and will be potty training shortly (and have a newborn…)

My son was between 3 and 3 1/2 when he was potty trained. I tried it a couple
of times earlier due to peer pressure and he got so upset because he kept wetting himself, so I decided to wait until he was ready.

He literally got out of bed one day, asked to wear big boy pants and we never looked back. He’s only had one accident where he wet himself, never pooped himself, has never wet the bed. He sleeps naked at night when it’s hot. He is 4 now getting ready to start school and the mums who I felt pressured by still have their kids wearing pull ups at night so I don’t think it matters at all.

In my opinion as long as they are potty trained before school that’s fine by me.

I don't understand why it's an issue...we had no bathroom as it was being done up... literally using water from tap outside...dd decided a few weeks before she turned 3 she wanted to wear pants...that was potty training...no accidents night and day from that decision.. probably left it too late due to no bathroom but so easy....best decision ever was not to potty train even if it was by accident

My two didn’t have the language either

Mine were also about 3. Before that they couldn't even talk to say they needed to go