Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

🤣 come on, Tallulah!

Give me a nice big smile from high up on that climbing wall!!!

WAAAAAAAAAA! 😭

This.

One of my friends has a DD who is 10 months younger than my DS2. She walked at 9 months, and my DS2 walked at 2 due to his hypermobility, so she was walking first. My friend’s husband liked to tell me that their DD was “so super advanced”. 🤣

It also reminds me of taking my kids to do a paid for activity at Center Parcs and another couple forced their screaming DC all round it, I assume “for the photos” (which were awful because of their DC screaming). It ruined it for the kids who were doing it willingly!

I agree, not laziness in many cases. my ds was ready at 2 and 2 months. Zero issues, barely any accidents. With dd we tried and tried, all the leaving free of pants or nappies in the garden etc. she just held it in then wee’d all down her legs and did not get it. At exactly 3 and a half she just decided she was going to do it and got it in days. Barely any accidents since. Maybe some children you have to teach and some you have to wait to be ready. I think it’s rarely laziness as surely it’s more hassle to change nappies 🤷🏻‍♀️. I couldn’t wait for Dd to be potty trained. Also my dd is just as clever as ds 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe more so, she’s so into books, social, happy, articulate. Who knows why she took so long.

Gosh I never knew potty training was such an area Of contention. I assume we all know when we were potty trained ourselves? I personally have absolutely no idea. I’ve done pretty well in life for myself but gosh really hope my mum didn’t potty train me late and is in fact lazy all along. Who knows I’ll never ask her as I personally don’t care x

It really doesn't. I don't think anyone would think that - it's not something I've seen expressed on this thread or heard in real life.
I haven't suggested at all that I need to guess if random children have sen, or said I would judge anything.

We were incentivised to have them trained for playgroup at 2 and 9 months then for my ds 2.5. otherwise they wouldn’t take them then they went to 1/2 day nursery aligned with their primary school

There isn't 'best' practice, Inconsequential things like what age you potty train at don't have 'best' practice.

There's current practice - which will change according to whatever 'advice' is being given at any particular time.

This may be somewhat off-topic, but more and more as my DC grow I'm coming to the conclusion that a lot of harm is sometimes caused by pushing children to do things before they are ready. It is viewed as being a good thing, an achievement, to have a child who does things at an early stage and a nice reflection on you as a parent. And sometimes it is this, because it just comes naturally to a child or because they're a bright little button, but heaping too much pressure on (and excessive praise can also be pressure) can cause issues long-term. A child who is hurried though the stages of their childhood and their development, and not allowed to revisit earlier stages when they need to, is often an anxious child because they're being moved forward too quickly at a pace that doesn't suit them.

What’s best practice (in terms of child development) in toilet training?

Yes, again they're capable of a lot of things - and history has shown that. Out of nappies, eating solid food, fitting up a chimney. But is it bragging worthy? No. Is it even best practice? No. Is it even remotely important? Not really.

Lots of people don't use nappies at all and have their babies trained by mere months old so I'm sure they would look at all the smug 18mth parents as being 'lazy' too. I guess it's rather a ridiculous hierarchy.

My eldest is 39 (so back in the 90s when everybody trained earlier) She was due to start playgroup at 2 1/4 but they would only take her if she was out of nappies. Tried to train her and it was a disaster. She had no clue that she needed to go and I still remember the distress to both of us and bystanders when she let go of a full bladder in the local toy shop. Every time I picked her up she was wet. She stank all the time and the day she wet herself on my lap I gave it up as a bad job. I don't think our relationship ever recovered from that time :( She wet the bed until she was about 7. My mother helpfully reminded me that my brother was exactly the same. I look back on that time with guilt and shame that I put her through that and didn't have the courage of my convictions to ignore the virtuous.

DC2 is autistic. Aged 2.5 he said he wouldn't be wearing nappies anymore because they were disgusting, and never did again. No accidents day or night.

DC3 I don't remember, so clearly wasn't traumatic. DC4 we took on a plane at 3.5 and didn't take any nappies because he'd been trained a while, then he refused to poo anywhere but a nappy. That was a fun holiday.

DC5 clearly wasn't aware when she'd been so held off on the training until well over 3. Mother and her friends were giving me cat's bum mouth about lazy parenting. Realised we'd had a week of dry night nappies and decided to see what would happen - dry and clean day and night with zero effort.

The first part of the process is the child realising what is happening. Before that point you are training yourself to follow them round with a potty. Just as they all start to speak at different times and learn to walk at different times, they all become aware of bodily functions at different times as well.

Look at your earlier post which does imply exactly what I said.

Yes possibly but my 3 were definitely ready around 2.

i did use pampers or Huggies but it was an expense

But back in the day mums wanted to be lazy and avoid the washing....to turn the argument....so sat their children on the potty for a long time giving books, food etc on the potty while they got on with things. That's wee catching not training. Kids were always wetting and being called pissy pants at school....that started at 5. They were dosed up with stuff like cod liver oil for constipation

Just that they are capable of being trained earlier.

It is later than what people did a generation ago but perfectly fine

my own dgd was trained at 2 in last 5 years’

I personally think it's healthier and more pleasant for children, and better for the environment, to get children out of nappies as soon as possible and being unable to say the words doesn't prevent potty training.
Or you can leave it later. It's up to the individual parents, no one is going to break into your house and force you to potty train your 2 year old.

Before I started potty training my oldest I had heard stories of it taking weeks, with accidents everywhere and things like that so I was really stressed about it. DD turned out to be scared of the potty when I tried so I left it until she was 3.5, then tried and she got it pretty much straight away, no stress at all. Made me realise perhaps its more likely to be difficult if you're trying to potty train at a younger age. So with my son I waited until around 3.5 as well, and once again it was a doddle. I would do the same again, and advise others to do so too.

I didn't say that 🤔I've posted nothing about me judging anything.
You seem to be weirdly determined to create an argument that doesn't exist.

I agree with this. Both my children were late talkers but used clear signs/ grunts to mean wee and poo. It’s really not that hard. Children use non-verbal communication all the time!

This. We feel judged quite a lot but it feels so unsavoury to use DD’s medical condition to appease judgey strangers. Not to mention if we did it would insinuate it’s ok to judge children without medical conditions that are struggling with potty training.

I don’t judge women who pee themselves when they sneeze for being lazy & not doing their pelvic floors like I did. Never mind how gross & bad for the environment liners are.. oh wait, maybe they just had a different experience to me.

I don't but you said you wouldn't judge if they had an Sen which means you judge if they don't.....but how do you know

Or they can just learn to talk in their own time. What's wrong in that.? Is there a great rush to get them talking now? Seeing as they were able to talk and read before going to school and it's never affected their lives since.( All adults now)

But 3 isn't late it's within the typical range that was defined by birth to 5 and developmental matters for what 15/20 years.

But why do you want to?