MIL on holiday with us at the moment but all she has done is mope

speaking generally I would say,

Unless you are the person bereaved (or have been to someone that close) then imo you don’t have any right to berate someone for not being happy. Losing your spouse is the most awful thing in the whole world and until you’ve been there and got that t shirt you have no idea.

but I also agree that ‘spoiling’ a holiday is not great either. Get DH to chat with her kindly about what it’s about and see if you can find a solution.

signed by someone who recently lost their nearest and dearest and find social and life in general incredibly hard without my love beside me.

This is an all time low on Mumsnet, for MIL comments.

Clearly I'm the weird one here. Because when I was widowed I was at pains to not let my grief affect those around me. Of course it's devastating to lose a spouse, and even now, after some years, something will hit me hard. But I've always just quietly found myself a bit of space to recover myself, and kept myself together for others.

There's no way, ever, that I would have let my behaviour ruin a holiday or a day out for those I love most. If I braved a decision that didn't quite work out, it was my problem and I didn't make it anyone else's. Particularly not my daughters', given that they were grieving their dad, too. I wanted the three of us to still experience happiness without guilt.

Both my MIL and my own mum managed to do the same, and I don't think it's unusual at all.

I don’t need you to tell me what grief is when a husband dies. I know, because I’ve lived it. My opinion might differ from yours but it’s no less valid.

This, and the other compassionate responses. God, your poor MiL. I feel very, very sorry for her. She may well have not anticipated how she would feel, but she is newly widowed and experiencing all the 'firsts' as a widow. She is not 'wallowing in self pity' ffs. Jeez.

Christ it's one holiday, just leave her alone if that's what she wants, no biggie for you. Ask her in the morning if she's up to stuff, say you understand if she wants to be left alone and go do your thing, have a bit of sympathy. My mother in law was whooping it up weeks after fil died and and left her £££££, you'd have loved it on holiday with her, I didn't, she was a fucking embarrassment frankly. 😂

She's not moaning and minging - she's grieving. Her husband only died a few months ago. She is still overwhelmed by her loss.

She's grieving and her worst crimes include sitting on her own, not talking much and almost wallowing in self pity.

For one minute can't you put yourself in her shoes. She has lost per long term partner. Her world has been turned upside now.

Maybe you would be all cartwheels and rainbows but the average person takes quite some time to get to grips with it. In fact most never do, their world has

It's horrible that you describe her grief as wallowing in self pitting. I suspect I would wallowing in self pity for a while if my partner died.

Ever single time I think MNs can no longer surprise me, it does yet again.....have some of you never experienced grief? I am shocked that there are so many people posting who appear to have not even a modicum of understanding or empathy.

That’s the way it looks to me too.

Such heartless comments on here, it’s sickening to read some of these replies.

I suspect if it was OP's mother, this thread wouldn't exist....

This!

Bloody hell OP- it's a holiday. She's sad, as could be expected. You don't have to focus on it.

You guys are her closest family, she's processing her grief. Shame on you both that you can't be a bit kinder.
I despair

I’m a ‘Boomer’ so we’re all my friends, most of my colleagues and my sister.

We all went to university, relationship breakups, we all ‘lived alone’ at several points in our life. Some lived alone for all of it.

Such bollocks and generalisation about his a previous generation lived.

Some people on this thread have never known the depths of really paralysing and deep grief. I’m glad that you haven’t and I understand you can’t have empathy as a result. But surely you can have some sympathy.

You are totally projecting what happened to you onto the OP. Her mother in law hasn't been vile, wanted to go out drinking or lock anyone in their bedroom. She is simply grief stricken.

”Sorry you’re grieving (which we knew before we invited you on holiday) but as you’re bumming us out we’ve booked you on the 6:30pm to Luton - don’t worry though - we’re paying! (And we checked the prices first - we’re not made of money!)”

Grief is not as black and white as that. One moment you like the idea of something and want to do something fun, the next the reality of it can be paralysing. You’re trying to exist in a world that keeps on turning, whilst your own has been shattered. There’s no quick remedy for grief, and you can’t plan it.

I agree.

I think she wanted 100% validation and people telling her how awful her MIL was. There have been a few with hearts of stone, but OP hasn't had it all her own way.

I can't see anything wrong with pointing that out to some people. So many on here seem clueless about it and are totally lacking in empathy.

It doesn’t look like the OP is returning.

I don't think she's doing anything wrong if she's taking herself away and quietly sitting on her own. Grief is terrible and unfortunately sometimes you can't just put a mask on and pretend you are okay to make others happy. Just give her space and get on with your holiday and do whatever you want. It's not like she's kicking off or being nasty.

Is there a reason the cousin visit wasn't rearranged?

I went on holiday with my mother and DD1 a year after my DDad had died. She wanted to go away, and wanted to go to the seaside. She was vile to me and DD the whole week. I get that she was missing my Dad, but all she wanted to do was go out drinking, and to lock DD in the room. When I refused to do this, and suggested we got wine from the bar and some snacks, and sat on the balcony, this wasn’t good enough, and I was “shit as a daughter.” We ended up going out late in the evenings so that she could have a drink, taking poor old DD with us in her stroller. DD couldn’t do anything right either - she should have been speaking/potty trained etc etc. I get that the anger was grief (and it continued for about 15 years), but I never went away with her again after that. I think you don’t know how people are going to react, but a bit of self awareness would have been nice. So I sort of get where you are coming from, OP!

The only people stopping you enjoying it is you OP. She isn’t making demands she is just quiet so what. Go out for the day let her do what she wants to do and you do you