MIL on holiday with us at the moment but all she has done is mope

I disagree, sometimes all you need is a bit of sympathy. She IS feeling this way. Dismissing her feelings would make it worse.

I agree with you. I lost my husband in 2024. I miss him terribly. When I cry in front of my family they understand and let me have my moment. That is because they know that I am trying very hard to be cheerful. I don’t want to be a misery and spoil things for them. I look on time with other people as a blessing, even if it is only because it’s passing a few hours.
I think that you should try to enjoy the rest of your holiday. I’d suggest saying “We’re going to do so & so. Do you want to come?” And if she says yes, then say “Lovely, glad you’re feeling a bit better “ If she says no, then just say “Ok, see you later “ If she comes and is miserable then try to ignore her. She’s being very selfish.

Absolutely the right approach. Hats off to your folks. ❤️

Thank you for sharing this. I've not seen it before It’s so true.

That's harsh. A newly widowed person experiencing things for the first time without their spouse can generate extreme unexpected feelings. From my own experience, I attended a wedding 18 months after being widowed, looking forward to it, but ended up leaving in tears, unexpectedly, as it reminded me what I'd lost when the first dance started. It's only been a year for her. The holiday without him there has likely made her feel the loss more intensely. And she wouldn't have realised that would happen.
Try to be understanding. Until you've walked in her shoes you have no idea.

I thought the first post was sarcasm but no, just a complete lack of empathy

The lack of empathy in some of the responses on here are just...wow. For a start, this is just one side of the story, & the MIL may not be behaving terribly in an attempt to bring everyone down, this is simply OPs interpretation tinged with annoyance that her MILs grief is ruining her holiday.
I "lost" my husband through divorce & I was glad to see the back of him, but even then there was an element of grief involved, especially when around other people. I wasn't grieving the loss of him, though, I was grieving the loss of what should have been. For OPs MIL to add in another layer of pain from losing the absolute love of her life who had been by her side for decades & who she probably wishes more than anything was still beside her to enjoy somewhere so beautiful...how can anyone not understand how utterly gut wrenching that must be for her? Should MIL really have to slap on a mask and internalise her grief purely to appease OP because "we paid for this holiday & you're ruining it"? It could even be that MIL has tried to be strong for the last 9-10 months & now simply felt she had the space and support to allow her grief out amongst people she felt safe with...only to be told to suck it up & stop being a Debbie Downer.
So, yes, OP, YABU. I'm sorry you feel your holiday has been ruined, but there will be other holidays & more opportunities for you to make memories with your family. Your MIL is coming to terms with the fact that there will be no more holidays with her husband and no more memories, & you should all be supporting her in whatever way she needs, be it giving her space or keeping her occupied. How she experiences her grief is unique to her & it is not up to you or anyone else to tell her she is doing it wrong.

Just let her do her thing, tell her you love her and you’re there if she wants to talk. Then say the plan for the day and will she join you? If not, carry on with ur hol without her and let her relax (or mope as you called it) at her own pace. And if you really hated it, defo don’t invite her again!

I can’t believe how harsh some responses are. YANBU to be disappointed that your holiday is being overshadowed by grief but I think it was optimistic of all of you to expect your recently bereaved MIL to enjoy a family holiday this close to being widowed. I imagine your husband is also finding this very difficult. The poor woman
will be all over the place emotionally. I think you just need to suck this one up OP and be grateful that you clearly haven’t experienced the loss of a very close family member as I don’t think you can really understand grief until you have been there.

This.

Honestly what did you expect? She may be still processing her loss? Really generous of you to invite her, but maybe she is struggling? I took my mum away about a similar time after we lost my dad. In retrospect It was awful, too soon for her, and us. She won’t be spoiling your holiday on purpose. Some of the responders on this thread have clearly never been in this situation.

I have to say I understand, it’s exhausting. My mom lost my dad in Oct last year. I did ring the bereavement social worker this week as she has been off her feet for over 2 months. I am ill I just cannot help her anymore. They do become very self centred. Might be worth to see if any bereavement groups locally when you get back. You are just going to have suck it up & be there if she needs you. Also help the aged have a befriending service, ring them they will then they will be able to signpost help.
my mom is just not herself, impulsive, refuses to listen, deaf but refuses to go to audiology I just don’t want her making rash decision changes her mind at the drop of a hat & I meant to be aware telepathically.
Hang in there.

Absolutely, it’s simple and so understandable. I’m going to share it with my parents tomorrow. Honestly, thanks so much. It’s so helpful. Xxx

I’ve found it useful to help with family and it is very powerful in its understanding xx

I’m not even going to try doing my own drawing either! Just use that one! But wow, it really struck me. Thanks for sharing! Xxx

The OP says it's not for the childcare in her OP.

That’s what I did xx

Entirely - I am going to steal it and use it! Xx

Isn’t it just x

@Manthide I'm very sorry for your loss. I also recently lost my brother, it's really hard. And I saw first hand how his wife suffered and continues to suffer, nine months is nothing at all really.
Well meaning people kept inviting her out places, and it was kindly meant, but she found it unbearable.

You sound lovely OP. She is lucky to have you.

maybe try to split the time, morning around your child schedule and then dinner with her? She can tahr herself off for walks etc when you are are doing your own thing.
maybe there is more than just struggling to cope with her husbands death? (Although it’s not on you to sort)

What did you expect? Why did you bring her? To babysit your child? Or is it the obligatory modern trend that family’s have to do everything together all the time? It never works ! 🙄

Db died last year after a short illness. I still sometimes get upset out of nowhere. I don't think I'll ever really get over losing my only sibling. Dc have been really good with my dm and df but only ds has really realised I'm grieving too. Just let mil have quiet time and you enjoy your holiday. I doubt she is doing it on purpose.

I sincerely hope so too.

So right. I lost my Mum in September last year and it's still so raw. No time has past and company around you doesn't mean you're not lonely x