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MIL on holiday with us at the moment but all she has done is mope

338 replies

Summerispantsthisyear · 06/08/2025 15:12

We’re currently on holiday somewhere in Greece & have bought my husband’s Mum (who I get on with well) with us for around a week, she was widowed late last year & we thought it would be a lovely break for her, she’s close to our child (& we do not expect childcare at all) . We’ve paid for her flights & accommodation in a beautiful apartment but all she has done is sit on her own, barely spoken to any of us & wallow in almost self pity, making it really difficult for us to enjoy the first part of our family holiday. She took it upon herself without asking to invite a niece & partner of hers who are staying close by to join us at our apartment for drinks today but they’re now not coming, she’s upset & frankly I’ve found the whole first part of the trip exhausting having to tread on eggshells the entire time. I absolutely hate to sound selfish & thought we were doing the right thing but it’s been an absolute disaster & I feel horrible. I had an honest chat with her last night hoping things would change today but it seems to have fallen on deaf ears & we’re all back to square one. I feel awful even writing this but need to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
Movinghouseatlast · 06/08/2025 15:36

Christ alive, some of these responses are horrific.

How would you all feel do you think if your husband had died less than a year ago? Would uou want people telling you to 'enjoy your holiday'?

FrenchandSaunders · 06/08/2025 15:34

What has your DH said about it? Has he spoken to her?

Drivingthevengabus · 06/08/2025 15:31

Well done for speaking to her about it. What was the conversation like that you had? What did you say to her?

I think if you've explained to her you're finding it hard that she's miserable, you wouldn't be unreasonable to now carry on your holiday in a happy and upbeat way and not get sucked into her mood. I appreciate that's probably easier said than done though!

I do agree with PP that perhaps she is feeling her grief more this week than she has been recently.

outerspacepotato · 06/08/2025 15:31

She's not in a good headspace. It hasn't even been a year and she's having new experiences without her husband. That hurts in a way I hope you don't have to understand.

Leave her to it. She needs space and not "chat" from someone who doesn't get grief. It can sneak up at the strangest moments.

Go do your thing and enjoy your vacation.

She might benefit from short term grief therapy when she's back home.

VaseofViolets · 06/08/2025 15:30

@Strawberries86

I have been in her position. That’s precisely why I disagree with her behaviour.

Gemmawemma9 · 06/08/2025 15:29

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 06/08/2025 15:25

I'd start cheerfully saying, well I'm going to enjoy my holiday! We're going to enjoy our dinner! We're going out to enjoy the sunshine/food/beach/whatever! And just leave her to moan and whinge by herself.

This! She can only truly spoil it if you let her.
I get it’s difficult being without her partner but it sounds like she isn’t even trying. And moping because her niece isn’t coming is just rude and insulting to the OP!

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 06/08/2025 15:29

Sometimes being too nice just gives this type of person permission to get worse and worse. It's not actually helpful or supportive to MIL either, because validating/enabling her means she's less likely to pull herself out of the funk.

Strawberries86 · 06/08/2025 15:27

@VaseofViolets iv never lost someone close to me thank god but I imagine less than a year in grief is unpredictable and not linear.

Its disappointing to have a holiday effected but handle it with grace and the thought that one day, you might be in her position.

Summerispantsthisyear · 06/08/2025 15:26

@Strawberries86 no it’s not her first, I'm the first person to be very understanding & try to do everything right but it’s honestly exhausting

OP posts:
HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 06/08/2025 15:25

I'd start cheerfully saying, well I'm going to enjoy my holiday! We're going to enjoy our dinner! We're going out to enjoy the sunshine/food/beach/whatever! And just leave her to moan and whinge by herself.

VaseofViolets · 06/08/2025 15:22

Strawberries86 · 06/08/2025 15:17

If her husband died less than a year ago then it’s understandable she’s finding a holiday difficult without him. It’s it her first holiday without her husband?

Then she shouldn’t have gone. Seeing as she did, she doesn’t have the right to spoil it for anyone else.

Strawberries86 · 06/08/2025 15:17

If her husband died less than a year ago then it’s understandable she’s finding a holiday difficult without him. It’s it her first holiday without her husband?

VaseofViolets · 06/08/2025 15:16

How awful for you OP. Such selfish behaviour on her part.

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