Aibu to say no if my boyfriend proposes

Have you spoken much about marriage since the start of your relationship 6 years ago? Having kids and buying a house together are very big commitments, so he may not realise how important getting married still is to you (or was until last year)!

OP, it's much better from a practical standpoint to be married since you are life partners and have DC, but also, I do understand how you feel. I'd feel the same way, and probably many women would. But he probably just doesn't see it the way you do. Probably thinks that having your shared life and the children are the ultimate commitment. And he might just assume that you feel the same and thinks you'll get round to it someday.

I think you have to let him know how you feel. Yes, it would be lovely if he came over all romantic and did the big proposal, absolutely, but life ain't like that!

Also, maybe spend some time focusing on what you do have with him, than what you don't?

If you want marriage you need to have a discussion. It sounds like you have everything apart from this one small cloud, but I wouldn't let that cloud ruin your happiness. I think you should express to him that you'd hoped for a romantic proposal and a wedding by now. Wouldn't it be nice if they could read our minds! I think this is just one of many examples of a man being a bit dense.

Goodness me, cutting your nose off to spite your face much?! You're in a supposedly happy relationship but you've given him some unknowable timeline that the poor guy is just supposed to telepathically pick up on. Your username tells us that you've had an exceptionally busy 6 years together and maybe he is just trying to wait until the focus can be on just the two of you to propose. But if you are as spiteful, uncommunicative and controlling as you come across in this post, maybe it's that....

If you don’t think he loves you, why would you stay with him forever?

Not to the other parent though.

op, if marriage was important, why have children first?

I'd make the decision that was best for me financially. I hope you're doing that at the moment and if you're not you need to be. Otherwise you are incredibly vulnerable and therefore so are your kids. Make sure you are working full time, contributing to your pension and any assets are owned equally.

There are very good financial and legal reasons to get married, quite apart from the public commitment, the wedding, the romantic notion etc. The fact that he's taken slightly longer than the arbitrary time limit you thought of is neither here nor there. Seeing as you wanted to get married YABU to think of saying no.

You need to talk to him. He isn’t a mind reader and if your 5 year time limit has only been in your head then how can you hold it against him for not meeting your expectations. Think about what you want and what matters to you. Do you have a good relationship and good life together? How important is marriage to you? What kind of wedding would you want? Are you willing to end your relationship with the father of your child if he says he doesn’t want to get married or does your life together mean more?

Talk to him, he obviously needs a kick up the bum ……and FGS get married you’ll have more financial security if he runs off with someone else.

This is fucking ridiculous. If you want to get married have a discussion with him about it. You're in a grown up relationship with a house and kids, why do you need to wait to be asked. Maybe he doesn't think you are bothered.
Proposal expectations from women are awful as far as I'm concerned.

you could have asked him..

Not have kids if that was a deal breaker

JFC

This is wild.
Don’t expect the relationship to survive the humiliation of you rejecting him in this way, having told him clearly it’s something that’s important to you.

What’s the point in getting married? Really what are you getting out of this? In a similar situation myself and now don’t really see the point?

Honestly I think this is weird. You have children together that is a FAR bigger commitment than marriage 🤷‍♀️. I also think putting time frames on relationships is odd, so much can happen, but each to their own. If you don't want to marry him now that's up to you, but be prepared that it could put a massive dent in what you say is a happy relationship. Maybe sit down and have a grown up conversation with him, there may well be a very legitimate reason why he hasn't proposed that has absolutely nothing to do with how much he loves you.

It seems this five year cutoff you have in your head is arbitrary. Your assumption that it reflects his feelings to you isn't based in fact.

Honeslty I never saw the big deal in having a wedding and only really got married because it just seems like what you're supposed to do.

We always talked about just doing it in Vegas one time as we usually go to the US every 1-2 years on holiday anyway.

I literally text him one day and said "we might as well do it next year because we're going to LA" And he said "yeah I guess" 😅

It got delayed a few years because of Covid but we managed it eventually haha. We'd been together 11 years when we got married 😂

If you say no to a marriage proposal why are you still with him?

Sounds like you're carrying a great deal if resentment, which isn't going to disappear if you say no to a mythical proposal. It's one if those use your words and speak to each other moments

You're saying no out of spite.

It’s a longer commitment to the child - but married or not, if you have a child you will have to have some kind of a relationship with the other parent for a long time ahead. I think that’s the point being made.

It's a commitment to the child, not at all to a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Why don’t you leave him then? You either want to spend the rest of your life with him in which case you say yes, or you think he doesn’t love you enough and it isn’t meant to be, in which case you say no.

Saying no but remaining in the relationship makes no sense at all!

I agree! In my late 40s, I used to tell my ex (when I thought he was the one), that when I thought the moment was right I may just surprise him with a proposal - and I meant it!

Children are a far bigger commitment than marriage.

I find this really odd that you would have children with this man yet refuse to marry him because of a timeframe you have in your head. I think you need to stop cutting your nose off to spite your face and accept if he proposes