Aibu to say no if my boyfriend proposes

OP, if you wanted to marry him, things are good, etc. then if he asks say yes.

A friend of mine was engaged - they were quite happy in that situation. He kept saying he'd get around to asking her. She was keen to marry him, but didn't feel she should ask him. Years went by, then a decade, then two.
Then he got ill, quickly, and seriously. They did get married, and he died a week later. She has very mixed feelings about the whole thing.
Legally, she can at least now inherit what he wished for her to have had - things that would otherwise have gone to his estranged family.

Just a hunch, but did your kids take his surname? Another reason why he might not bother

you’ve made this easy for him, you’ve given him the wife stuff without the financial and legal protections .

Having kids with someone who you are not married to is idiotic

I believe the writer means "meant to"--the whole original post was written as if an AI thingy had been asked to write in the manner of somebody not very well educated and possibly on the lam from a 1972 copy of Jackie magazine. That was the last time I saw young women talking about their "fellas" anyway!

This. 100%.
marriage also gives you certain protections. Don’t be too proud given you love him so much

So you had a timeline of 5 years to get engaged. You didn't get engaged engaged within that timeline. So as a 'revenge' you will continue the relationship and if he dies propose you will say no, but hope to continue as partners? You'll be the one to get hurt in the end.

Usually the point of an agreed timeline is that you'll walk away when the timeline has gone. Are you really fine with never getting married? Are you fine with being with a man that you believe doesn't love you enough? Did you have a talk at 5 years?

Plus forcing them into a commitment means neither of you may be able to find happiness with a partner who is truly your soul mate.

So she has to say yes because a man asks? Give over. Absolutely no she doesn't. If he can say he is not ready by not asking then she absolutely can say she is not ready.

You are playing a dangerous game! This is serious stuff. If you are so happy, why not just ask him? If you can afford it give everyone a nice day out, enjoy feeling the support of friends and family as well as the legal benefits already explained. If he asks you tomorrow and you say no, how will he feel? How would you react if it sets him off reconsidering your whole relationship? Could he know about your silly deadline? Please also stop with the ‘menna’ etc. Immature.

I agree and what is 'menna'?

OP, you have a house and kids together! You know that is quite a significant bond even without marriage! He ain’t going anywhere!
He will propose to you, when you least expect it and it will be totally worth it!
It took my DH 8 years to propose, I hit the 7 year itch, then gave up thinking about it, then BOOM out of the blue he proposed, it was the best ever. And we had the most amazing wedding day!

All good things come to those who wait….:

It sounds like you're playing a really stupid game in your head. If you want to get married, ask him. I don't mean get down on one knee, just talk to him about it. You don't have to wait for him to propose. Have an adult conversation!

You’d say no but then stay with him @Mumof4girlshectic? 🙈 what exactly does that do for anyone?!

This 5 year timescale you have in your head is ridiculous! DH and I had been together 14 years and had a 3 year old when we eventually got married 😂
We decided to get married when I was pregnant as we knew given DHs job it was going to be more practical for me to reduce my hours etc. After we had decided to get married DH appeared one day with a ring (completely unnecessary and I was angry at him for spending silly money 🙄 but however!)
Then lockdowns etc happened and it was impossible to get bookings at our local registry office and then life just got in the way to be honest with trying to find our flow with parenting (which I realise almost 5years in is just the most wonderful shit show and we still haven’t found our flow but we’re trying 😂😂).

We eventually got back on track a couple of years ago and went to the local registry office and filed paperwork and booked the first date they had! Took 20 mins on the day - was perfect!

You have a right to say no. It is your choice. I said no.

Why? Interested as it seems less about love.

Grow up.

Why haven’t you proposed to him? If marriage is that important to you, you should have insisted on it before getting pregnant. Y would be V unreasonable to turn him down now just on some ridiculous five year deadline you’ve made up. If you want to marry him just tell him for goodness sake.

This

I think the 1950s are calling you back....

Maybe he isn’t ready for what a marriage entails
No need to be pissed off and say No, just be he’s taking his time

OP, do you own your own property? Earn as much or more than him and have the start of a reasonable pension that will continue to build as you have a good job?

If so, crack on, play mind games and don’t marry.

If you have compromised your earnings for children, earn less than him, live in a house that he is buying in his name etc, talk to him seriously about marriage and set a date.

Absolutely not, now that would be wierd

This is a fair point. But I’ll be damned if I have to ask DP to marry me 😂 I’d rather stay unmarried!

Yes that’s immature but as the higher earner, the one with a property, and whatnot, I don’t really ‘need’ marriage. Would be nice though. Would say yes if he asks 🙃

If you have children together you need to be married to protect you both - financially, tax wise, health wise, and in terms of inheritance when one of you dies.

There doesn’t have to be a dream wedding with a white dress and a huge cost, but you NEED the legal protection. It costs around a £100 and can be done with two weeks notice, it takes 20 or so minutes. You don’t need a proposal or a huge romantic gesture, just an adult conversation.

She's not spiteful or controlling, she's just hurt that he hasn't proposed. Have a heart!