Aibu to say no if my boyfriend proposes

This! I'd feel the same too.
I always find it odd when people get married after they've been together years. Either he wanted to marry you or he didn't, not just because you've had kids together and there's no where else for the relationship to go!

So you’ve committed to living with, and had children by, a man you don’t think ‘loves me enough’?

And you don’t think it’s ’menna be’?

When people say there is no point to marriage, there absolutely is - financial security if you’ve compromised your earning potential to have children. It’s not just a bit of paper, it’s a legal contract and as women often take the hit when starting a family, I can’t believe some women don’t protect themselves first. People get wrapped up with the idea of a big wedding which yes, is lovely and say they can’t afford it etc but actually it’s a financial contract. You don’t need a fancy day but if your partner dies or leaves, you will need financial protection. Unless it’s all your money in the pot.

If he wanted to marry you he would have by now. Sorry to be harsh but it's the truth

Sounds like you’re giving it lots off head space and almost arguing with yourself about it. Whilst he’s not mentioned it for years, and probably hasn’t given it a second thought.

it you don’t need to protect yourself financially then why bother getting married anyway?

Do you want to get married?
Do you want the big day?
is it a sensible thing to do financially?
Can you afford it?
if you want to be married you need to have a conversation about it. If you genuinely feel the moments passed and you wouldn’t benefit from the commitment then if it comes up you should say how you feel. But it would be kinder to have the conversation outside of a proposal not during.

It sounds like your feelings are hurt that he hasn't asked, you've taken it as a rejection and so you want to return that rejection by saying no, maybe even save face like you weren't upset that he didn't ask because you didn't want to anyway? It is a bit unusual that you didn't raise the conversation before having children but you're here now, so it's worth the conversation with him I think.

She is obviously looking for a divine sign.

Are people just making words up these days?

You would be doing him a favour by not letting him marry someone who writes "if it was menna be".

Personally I don’t think you should have had children with this man until you were married if it meant so much to you.
Let me guess though - you had children and gave them his surname despite not being married?
You've said you’re very happy, so what is there to gain from saying no if he (big IF) ever was to propose?
It does seem a bit immature and I’m guessing you’re in your 20’s!
I married my ex 18 months after getting in a relationship with him… split up after 16 years… my friend was with her husband and had 2 children before they married… I’d say they were together 15 years before they got married! And they’ve probably been married 12 years now… my point is I don’t think it matters whether you marry in the first few years or after 10+ years….
If and when he does ask it’s because he’s ready … but I don’t think it means he loves you any less!

OP - what assets are in your name? What is the scenario for you home wise etc should the worst happen? If you’re done waiting for a proposal of marriage and you don’t want to propose to him then there’s no need to get married. You do, however need to get yourselves registered in a civil partnership. You have children and a home together - you need to be very clear about what the consequences are for you in the case of break up or bereavement.

this came to my mind instantly!

I know 2 people that spoke to their partners about it , just sat then down and told them that they loved them and wanted to make it official and both of the men were delighted , one couple went out the next day and chose a ring , the other couple set a time frame or around 3 months for which him to propose and he proposed the following month.
Men aren't mind readers.
Just talk to him.
You don't even need a big wedding

The point is she made it known the marriage was important to her, and he has knowingly left her stewing ever since.

Wouldn't be surprised if he's the avoidant type, hence no conversation about it either.

Reading between the lines, I'd say OP was always the one bringing up the topic. The DP never did, and OP has since took a step back to wait. Then, silence.

I'd be interested to know if he's been married before, etc, erv.

If I was OP.. I'd potentially push for marriage if beneficial to me legally, since there are kids on the scene.

However, had there been no kids involved, I would probably be leaving him now if I were you.

It's interesting because I recognise your thought pattern. I was having similar thoughts after being with a divorced older man for 5 years (both of us no kids). Then, I realised I was resentful. I tried to open the conversation so I could move past the resentment, but it was futile. The damage was done. I left.

I think it's defensive thinking by the OP - 'I wouldn't say yes if he asked, so he'll be sorry he waited so long' as he's not going to ask.

There doesn't seem to be any reason for him to marry her, she hasn't even told him in years that she wants to get married, so he doesn't even need to do it for a quiet life.

It does sound more like she wants a proposal than the legal protections of marriage, as they have kids together.

Does he know about the deadline you set or would the heartbreak be a surprise? He'd be gutted.

If you want to get married, propose. I did. We're married now and it's great. If I didn't he probably wouldn't got ages because neither of us get round to anything.

Marriage is a legal contract not a romantic act. One should not be. Confused with the other.

It's a bit late to decide you don't want marriage. I'd do it for the kids and security...

Foolishness

If you died, what would happen to your children’s home and could your partner afford to pay inheritance tax if you leave it to him in your will?

These are the kind of serious questions you should be discussing with your partner if you aren’t married. Who proposes and when is just silliness for childless younger couples.

A lot of us who have children before marriage, marry because it provides the entire family unit with stability.

Does he have more assets than you? Maybe he’s protecting them.

@Mumof4girlshectic seems a bit back to front! maybe he thinks we already have the kids and the house so there is no point getting married!

And there's the kids!

It seems idiotic to me.

Whereas I understand the point you make its not idiotic to not marry someone if you dont want to, I wouldn't be able to face a wedding if my heart wasn't in it. Maybe dont judge... especially someone who is meant to be your friend.