Aibu to say no if my boyfriend proposes

Why don’t you just ask him?

Jesus Christ your screwed up in the head you love him but because he’s not asked you to marry him in the 6 years you’ve been together it means he doesn’t love you enough or something yet you have kids a home etc ffs he’s committed to you getting married is a piece of paper & a change of name your comments are what I’d expect from a 16yr old

Nothing more from OP then…

What is he waiting for? A written invitation? God, it's grim if he hasn't proposed after 6 years, especially when kiddies are involved.

Exactly this!

This….

This

My (now) husband proposed to be at 6 years, we got married 2 years later and are now approaching our 10 year a together.

I’m don’t understand why people put time limits on this type of thing, I’d be worrying after 10/15 years not 6 🤣

my husband left it so long as we literally couldn’t afford an engagement ring….. he wanted me to have something nice so saved for 3 years.

Being married makes little difference to our day to day life. I love my wedding ring as it was my dads…. But that’s it really.

why pressure yourself? Why pressure him?

why can’t you propose to him?

I don't see a problem with this. If your happy keep it as is.

I think it's a life lesson that not everyone can provide everything but that doesn't mean they don't provide anything.

Enjoy your relationship, your home, your kids & don't lower your standards

Purely comes down to financially are you better off married or not.

I understand the romance has gone. So if you're financially better off married tell him you want to go to the registry office and be married but you don't want a wedding.

If you're financially better off unmarried then just leave it and if he ever proposes say no.

MEN

Nonsense.

Me walk away from kids a lot easier than they can get a divorce.

or you could be an adult and have a grown up conversation about it all rather than making up scenarios and ultimatums in your head?

Well I did it the other way marriage,then kids lol and still very happy several years on..I knew hubby was committed as for years he told his family he would never marry or had any intention of kids then met me and everything changed for him lucky for me lol

You’d only be screwing your self over financially. I’ve been married 24 years now and only got married as I was sick of saying partner and I wanted children - we’d been together 8 years by this point and it was embarrassing. I felt the massive wedding etc had gone by then and felt it was more of a paperwork exercise by this point and like you was pissed off.

It’s obviously been on your mind quite a lot, how come you didn’t propose to him if it was important to you? Perhaps he has wanted to but thought maybe you weren’t massively into the idea?

You were unwise to have children before marriage. I hope you've taken legal steps to ensure you not financially vulnerable should you split up or should he die?

Once you have a man's child, they usually no longer feel obligated to marry, and don't seem to care about their child's mother's financial vulnerability (depending on their circumstances of course).

Marriage is more than a wedding. You get specific legal and financial protection from being married so push him on it

My husband and I got married on our 10 year anniversary of being together in an amazing trip to Vegas. It was my idea, otherwise we'd no intention of getting married before that. Put your pride aside and have a conversation.

Yeah it’s completely weird. Please don’t be drawn into the whole tiktok mentality of “if he doesn’t propose within 2 years it’s a shut up ring” real life works a little different.
If you truly feel he doesn’t love you enough then leave now.

In all honesty it sounds like life got in the way of the proposal 🤷🏼‍♀️ you are in a loving committed relationship and have kids together….they take priority over a proposal so you would be cutting your nose of to spite your face saying no 🤷🏼‍♀️

So it is completely different. He wanted to marry you, he asked repeatedly, you said no.

My ex knew I wanted to get married but never asked. When I decided to break up with him (financial not proposal related) at that point after 8 years he proposed. I didn't see it as flattering or exciting. I saw it as a cynical last ditch attempt to give me something he knew had been important to me but hadn't seen any need to do until that point

You're not an arsehole — but you're setting yourself (and him) up for unnecessary heartbreak by deciding in silence that it's "too late" and actively preparing to reject him for a proposal you actually still want.

why not just have an honest conversation. Let him know how you're feeling, what marriage means to you, and that the delay has started to feel painful or confusing. Give him the chance to explain — you may be surprised.

This relationship you describe sounds beautiful and worth preserving. Don't let unspoken expectations spoil something that still has deep love at its core.

So you will get revenge on him by refusing a proposal? And then what happens? Is he aware of this 5 year rule? You said you spoke a lot about marriage at the start- then what happened? If it was such a non-negotiable for you, then how come more conversations/decisions were had/made? And how do you know that if he proposes now, it's because he is forced to and not out of love? And if you are that keen, speak to him. You can propose too, isn't it?

Have you teleported from the 1890s? DH and I got married after many years together. The reason we didn’t marry earlier is because I refused to, over multiple proposals. Not because I didn’t love him, but because I didn’t love the patriarchal baggage of marriage. In the end, I married him, because it mattered a lot to him, on the proviso we just did it either way two witnesss.