Aibu to say no if my boyfriend proposes

So you have a fabulous relationship always in honeymoon period no problems , yet your making one by saying you would say no if he asked because marriage didnt happen when you wanted it to and the way you want it to.
You sound immature.

Yep

Took my husband 7 years and here we are happily married. Not sure why anyone needs to time stamp these things TBH. The only change is a surname and that’s only if you choose to do that anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️. Kids, to me, are more commitment as they push you together throughout your child’s life, like it or not.

For someone who has children, you seem to have a lot of growing up to do.

What a very silly idea! Have you dropped heavy hints?

As other people have said, have an open and honest conversation with him. That’s what real relationships are about.

I got married last year after 14 years together and 3 kids. We just decided it was the right time and it hadn’t been a priority before that, it’s just the icing on the cake to our relationship.

@Laurmolonlabe iwell you are a massive hypocrite for telling the OP to grow up and then feeling insulted when the same language is repeated back to you. I’m not ignorant about the importance of the legal protections conferred by civil partnerships or marriage. You are talking nonsense about the state picking up the baton from friends and family, you really are, but it doesn’t actually matter as the OP is unlikely to listen to either of us. All the best.

Why don’t you propose to him OP? I can’t remember the exact details but I think me and my husband agreed he’d propose and he did. After we discussed marriage… really it was just something I wanted, that he proposed.

He ended up proposing again as we got a white gold ring that was just plated as it is (didn’t know) and it started to get gold coloured after a couple of weeks. So we got a new ring and did a new proposal, feeding a baby fox.

Maybe he’s scared you will say no (even though you want to) or feels pressure of doing it wrong? Have you hinted or just said you’d like to get married and a proposal with a romantic dinner (or feeding a baby fox, whatever) would be amazing? Worked for me.

Nope, I live in England, always have- I wasn't talking about State laws I was talking about the State in the sense of the government- you are really ignorant about the nature of marriage and obviously have some issues.
I have thought about this subject a good deal and researched it in depth, unless you have done the same I would hang fire and look into it a little more deeply before throwing around ill-considered insults.

@Laurmolonlabe Can only assume the fact you are talking utter nonsense is because you are referring to different "state" laws than those of the UK.

First post nails it

If you aren't happy he hasn't proposed yet, tell him!?

Your relationship is far more important than being married- you are confusing these things- you obviously have some sort of hang up, these days being married is not all that important to most people- just because it is that important to you doesn't change that. Yes marriage is a legal contract and it does protect you to some extent- but it is no guarantee past the legal.
Having ones friends and relations recognise your union was very important in the past- but community is not like that anymore.
The state picked up this dropped baton so it is now the state that recognises your union , not your friends and family. Many people , including myself feel that the state should have no part in my personal relationships, because it is none of anyone's business but the people in the relationship- the point of marriage for you is to have your union recognised by the state-that is up to you, personally I don't particularly like it as an idea- but my dislike of it is certainly not ill considered or immature. I thought I was unromantic- but you have the edge on me.

@Laurmolonlabe it's actually you being very unrealistic. Marriage - or civil partnership if the status of wife/husband grates for whatever reason and you want to continue to be partners - is absolutely not just one day. You are thinking about a party. You’re right. A party means nothing. Being legal next of kin, shared assets, inheritance rules etc when you have kids and a home together are not just one day - they are the rest of your and your children’s life. You have some growing up to do if you are colluding in this ridiculous idea that the point of marriage is parties, being the centre of attention… or even being “in love”. Get real. If the romance has passed, so be it. Get legally hitched, one way or the other. You are adults and parents. Stop fannying around.

Having child(ren) with a man is a much much bigger decision than getting married to him. You will be linked to him through your children until you die- there is no divorce possibility , that link is unbreakable.
You "love him to bits" but you want to refuse to marry him because he has taken too long to ask you, really? I think you have very unrealistic views about what marriage means and how important it is- it's just one day, yes you will be the centre of attention, but are you willing to upset everything you have because the fairy tale isn't quite perfect- I think you have some growing up still to do.

Seems very petty. Maybe he just wanted to focus on other stuff like getting a house, job and the children first?

You can propose to him, this is 2025!

So sad that you are still feeling - after 23 years - in some ways like the OP. These days, there's no reason not to get married or have a civil partnership, costs £60 odd and there's no patriarchy or religious remnants to get in the way if you don't want them. Makes a big difference in terms of legal protections in the case of bereavement or break up.

I understand your hurt, I've got 3 children with my partner of 23 years and told him from the beginning that I wanted to get married. I've now lost both my parents & in some ways feel like you but in all honesty I think it would be cutting your nose off. He obviously loves you otherwise he wouldn't be with you & I understand where your coming from but please don't be so stubborn that you end up making a potentially relationship ending decision.

💯 this!

What a very weird post. Firstly you say that in your head at 5 years if no proposal…did you actually have this conversation with him? maybe you should have thought about that before you had kids and got a house with him. Also what are you expecting to happen once you turn down this proposal? Likelihood is you would break up. Seems a bit odd to give up everything you say is so wonderful and perfect with him? God I know people who’ve been married for years who would kill for the relationship you’re describing and the ring on the finger doesn’t make any difference to that let me tell you. If you’re that worried then why don’t you propose to him? This is 2025 after all!

Have you considered just talking to him about it?

Do you both realise theres still a risk to your future if anything should happen to him. His next of Kin could claim everything unless one of your children is 18 by then. The Law still doesn't recognise unmarried couples theres no such thing as a Common Law Wife. Even if he leaves it to you in a will his next of Kin can dispute it if you are not married.

I think being married puts you on a better footing legally and financially, especially as you have kids. So I agree with those saying you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. Maybe have a small quiet wedding saying the moment for a big "pizazz"one has passed. Not that he's asked, but if he does.

Just ask him.

How do you know that he knows that you had specifically wanted him to ask you at a certain point? Why is it on him to do the asking if this is something you specifically wanted and you had both agreed you would get married years ago? To decide that you would say no if he now asked you when want to be with him, love each other and have kids sounds crazy and would have so many untold consequences - it could literally end up breaking up the relationship. So if I were you I would just be a bit more transparent and go ask him about getting married now as you feel its the right time and that you feel you should have done it a while ago. Then you will know how he feels about it and can stop musing over it without communicating. Sorted !