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AIBU?

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Original poster

OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

520 replies

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 14:15

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

OP posts:
Megaclean · 09/08/2025 15:50

WalkDontWalk · 09/08/2025 15:13

This is absolutely classic 'wait, everyone does think I'm being unreasonable - well, you're all wrong and I'm not sticking around here to listen to you saying so'.

This though has the added and delicious twist that the OP feels sorry for us in our wrongness.

Come on, people, that's top-drawer entitlement weaponised. It's almost admirable.

Show quote history

Love it!

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 15:49

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 15:38

And you would stay to be insulted?
Or maybe you "shag around" yourself, so that insult doesn't bother you?

Show quote history

I can’t even imagine being in the situation. Let alone started an OP about it. Unfathomable really. Probably I’d have shuffled off, yes.

itsgettingweird · 09/08/2025 15:39

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 15:03

In the time it’s taken me to read all of these responses, me and OH have actually come to an agreement which works well for us both. And probably shock to you all, he has requested the time off work to have all 4 children home. Whether or not I decide to bring baby with me, will be arranged at a later date.

I appreciate all of your opinions honestly but it is very clear that you all live a very different life to me. We both travel with and without the children and I will continue to do so. I am travelling abroad with members of my family in June and will be travelling again in July with us all. Just as he has holidays planned a year+ in advance without us. Being a parent to 1 or 10 does not mean missing out on things that you enjoy doing.

I hope one day you can all get as much freedom as I can and enjoy your “me time” outside of a bubble bath.

I think my hormones must be raging for me to post in this thread and I’ve learned my lesson to never do it again after this. I’ll stick to the friendly ones ✌🏾

Well surely the answer was to have spoken to him properly in the first place rather than coming here to be all pompous? 🤷‍♀️

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 15:38

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 15:35

Truth hurts

so I’m not surprised the Op scarpered

Show quote history

And you would stay to be insulted?
Or maybe you "shag around" yourself, so that insult doesn't bother you?

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 15:36

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 15:29

@Panterusblackish

Of course people will judge you for leaving a baby for a week, but if this was him going on holiday or working away for a week everyone would think that was fine.

if a man was leaving his girlfriend with his three month old baby AND his 3 young DC from a PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP to go on a week holiday …. Hell no people would not think “it is fine”, and you know it

I agree. People would think it's fine.....

Normal people, normal relationships.

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 15:35

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 15:32

Would YOU hang around to be insulted?
Accused of shagging around and moving a man in.
Predictions that the relationship won't last five minutes?
Insults that her DP won't be able to look after his own baby or stepkids?

You'd stay on the thread, would you?
Yeah, right. Course you would.

OP should feel sorry for posters on this sad thread. I do too.

And I still think it's jealousy....

Show quote history

Truth hurts

so I’m not surprised the Op scarpered

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 15:32

WalkDontWalk · 09/08/2025 15:13

This is absolutely classic 'wait, everyone does think I'm being unreasonable - well, you're all wrong and I'm not sticking around here to listen to you saying so'.

This though has the added and delicious twist that the OP feels sorry for us in our wrongness.

Come on, people, that's top-drawer entitlement weaponised. It's almost admirable.

Show quote history

Would YOU hang around to be insulted?
Accused of shagging around and moving a man in.
Predictions that the relationship won't last five minutes?
Insults that her DP won't be able to look after his own baby or stepkids?

You'd stay on the thread, would you?
Yeah, right. Course you would.

OP should feel sorry for posters on this sad thread. I do too.

And I still think it's jealousy....

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 15:29

@Panterusblackish

Of course people will judge you for leaving a baby for a week, but if this was him going on holiday or working away for a week everyone would think that was fine.

if a man was leaving his girlfriend with his three month old baby AND his 3 young DC from a PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP to go on a week holiday …. Hell no people would not think “it is fine”, and you know it

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 15:26

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 14:25

This thread, besides not supporting mothers, also puts down stepfathers.

There's plenty of stepfathers who have adapted and learnt to take great care of their stepchildren.

What a nasty thread this is.

Anti mothers.
Anti stepfathers.

Oh 🤫

WalkDontWalk · 09/08/2025 15:13

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 15:03

In the time it’s taken me to read all of these responses, me and OH have actually come to an agreement which works well for us both. And probably shock to you all, he has requested the time off work to have all 4 children home. Whether or not I decide to bring baby with me, will be arranged at a later date.

I appreciate all of your opinions honestly but it is very clear that you all live a very different life to me. We both travel with and without the children and I will continue to do so. I am travelling abroad with members of my family in June and will be travelling again in July with us all. Just as he has holidays planned a year+ in advance without us. Being a parent to 1 or 10 does not mean missing out on things that you enjoy doing.

I hope one day you can all get as much freedom as I can and enjoy your “me time” outside of a bubble bath.

I think my hormones must be raging for me to post in this thread and I’ve learned my lesson to never do it again after this. I’ll stick to the friendly ones ✌🏾

This is absolutely classic 'wait, everyone does think I'm being unreasonable - well, you're all wrong and I'm not sticking around here to listen to you saying so'.

This though has the added and delicious twist that the OP feels sorry for us in our wrongness.

Come on, people, that's top-drawer entitlement weaponised. It's almost admirable.

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 14:50

Thousands of people split up and start a new family.
Both men and women.

Are they all "shagging around" then"?
Or just the OP?

As said before, I can only assume it's jealousy of her 7 day break and her partner who is willing to look after his stepchildren and baby.
Good for them.......

Good luck with the birth OP and have a lovely holiday next year.

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 14:26

And insulting to boot.....

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 14:25

This thread, besides not supporting mothers, also puts down stepfathers.

There's plenty of stepfathers who have adapted and learnt to take great care of their stepchildren.

What a nasty thread this is.

Anti mothers.
Anti stepfathers.

Heronwatcher · 09/08/2025 13:08

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 12:18

This thread certainly doesn't support mothers, does it?

If they have a new relationship and start a new family they are "shagging around" and "moving a man in"

Shouldn't sensibly organise childcare a year in advance.

Shouldn't have a week's break.

Shouldn't entrust DP to look after his baby and stepchildren.

Shouldn't have a job when baby is 3 months old

This site should be called ANTI mumsnet

This is rubbish. Most people have made a clear distinction between occasions where a woman HAS to leave her kids at 3 months and where (as in this case) she’s choosing to. And leaving the baby along with 3 other kids, who are not related to the mother’s boyfriend AND, to boot, where it’s his first child and he’s already shown signs of being unwilling and crap.

There is a huge difference between a mother of a young baby who has to travel for work or to a funeral etc, who leaves the baby with a competent and supportive parent, and a mother who wants a week of “me time” and leaves the baby with a new father who sounds completely not up for the task.

And as for leaving the three older kids as well, it’s a recipe for utter disaster. And none of this is thinking about what’s best for the kids (by which I don’t just mean will they be alive, but will they be happy and well cared for with physical and emotional needs met).

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 12:18

This thread certainly doesn't support mothers, does it?

If they have a new relationship and start a new family they are "shagging around" and "moving a man in"

Shouldn't sensibly organise childcare a year in advance.

Shouldn't have a week's break.

Shouldn't entrust DP to look after his baby and stepchildren.

Shouldn't have a job when baby is 3 months old

This site should be called ANTI mumsnet

Roothewheel · 09/08/2025 11:26

HarrietPierce · 09/08/2025 11:24

"Would most mothers of a new born and 3 other young children be desperate to head off on holiday for a week leaving three of them with her mum,"

The 3 children are staying with the OP's partner along with the 3 month old baby.

Wonderful!!

A dad of 3 months who presumably hasn’t known the the other young children very long… in sole charge of all 4

What. A. Relief.

HarrietPierce · 09/08/2025 11:24

"Would most mothers of a new born and 3 other young children be desperate to head off on holiday for a week leaving three of them with her mum,"

The 3 children are staying with the OP's partner along with the 3 month old baby.

LikeABat · 09/08/2025 09:06

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 14:52

yes. because I can. parenthood is not jail.

Show quote history

In jail baby would be with you until they were 18 months.

Toddlergirly · 09/08/2025 07:04

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 14:52

yes. because I can. parenthood is not jail.

Show quote history

It’s not normal for a mum to go away for a week when she has a tiny baby. Even a toddler would struggle with this. I hope this is a wind up and not real. ‘Me time’ is for an hour or two, not a week.

BusWankers · 09/08/2025 07:02

Panterusblackish · 08/08/2025 20:11

You're not being unreasonable.

You should be able to leave him with his baby for a week and the other kids with your mum.

Of course people will judge you for leaving a baby for a week, but if this was him going on holiday or working away for a week everyone would think that was fine.

Many a time there have been threads on here about men wanting to go on lads breaks when the kids are tiny, and plenty of Mumsnetters saying suck it up, you'll manage, I had to!

But yeah, he's going to be a shit dad.

They really wouldn't think it was fine for a bloke to fuck off on holiday for week leaving the mother with 3 kids and a 3 month old baby.

BusWankers · 09/08/2025 07:00

Roothewheel · 08/08/2025 20:13

Each to their own
But the idea of going off for a week’s holiday leaving my newborn with their father who only became a parent for the first time himself a few weeks ago… nah, not for me

even if he’d been a dad 7x over, I still wouldn’t want it

but the OP is keen so 🤷‍♀️

Oh come on, I'd been a parent for 90 minutes and was sent home to deal with it ... He can do it, he'll have had 3 months experiences by then... stop making excuses for rubbish men..

Roothewheel · 09/08/2025 06:29

Will the newborn survive? Of course (well, in all likelihood!)

Will the newborn be fed and sleep? Sure (unless he’s a fucking psychopath)

Would most mothers of a new born and 3 other young children be desperate to head off on holiday for a week leaving three of them with her mum, and newborn with the father who already early on in the relationship (this relationship will be short at best) is withdrawing?

Nah

Rayqueen · 09/08/2025 02:05

I have more kids and no way would I consider leaving them for a week to go enjoy myself, my motto I had them they come with me or I don't go until there old enough to fend for themselves. Saying that I've had opportunities to go with friends and hubby has always encouraged me but from fairness I wouldn't do it

Gettingbysomehow · 09/08/2025 00:54

Why do you keep churning babies out when the fathers clearly aren't interested and by the looks of it neither are you. Consider sterilisation.

ksbeikeb · 09/08/2025 00:51

Really weird of you to take a holiday when you have a three month old baby, who really really needs you.