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Original poster

OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

520 replies

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 14:15

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

OP posts:
Petitchat · 09/08/2025 17:35

rainingsnoring · 09/08/2025 17:16

This woman doesn't need any support, nor is she asking for any. She posted on AIBU asking for opinions, which she was given. Now, because most people disagreed with her and/or criticised her behaviour, you have decided that the whole site is anti mums. What a strange and hyperbolic conclusion.

It must be a relief to you that Mumsnet is PRO child, even if you have decided that it is anti mums!

Show quote history

You are correct. She asked for "opinions" about her DP and was just about called a slag.
You think that's right?

MyLimeGuide · 09/08/2025 17:34

@Petitchat are you new to mumsnet? This is all pretty standard practice on here?

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 17:30

CheekyCherryColaCandy · 09/08/2025 16:24

It's a public forum. OP has posted something that very very few people would do.

If you post your life on a forum like this you are inviting comment, quite literally.

It's odd to try and gatekeep that, you've just embroiled yourself in a totally pointless argument

Show quote history

OP has posted something that very very few people would do.

So that makes her a target for disgusting insults?

Okaay

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 17:26

CheekyCherryColaCandy · 09/08/2025 16:24

It's a public forum. OP has posted something that very very few people would do.

If you post your life on a forum like this you are inviting comment, quite literally.

It's odd to try and gatekeep that, you've just embroiled yourself in a totally pointless argument

Show quote history

It's even odder to slag off someone you don't even know, as some have done on this thread.

MyLimeGuide · 09/08/2025 17:24

YABU

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 17:24

notanothersummercold · 09/08/2025 17:21

I wouldn't do it if l was him either - the baby is one thing but 3 others who aren't? Sorry op l think you are pushing it a bit there!

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Does that go for all stepdads or just this one?

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 17:22

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 09/08/2025 16:39

You do know that being a woman doesn’t make someone immune from criticism don’t you?

This whole notion that women should never criticise other women, the “sisterhood” and all that is just a load of bollocks.

She’s rightly being criticised for the decisions she’s making. Being a woman doesn’t make that wrong.

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She's rightly being criticised for the decisions she's making.

That's fine.
It's the nastiness I object to.
Shagging around etc.
There's absolutely no need for it.

notanothersummercold · 09/08/2025 17:21

JMSA · 06/08/2025 14:28

I don’t think he’s being unreasonable in not wanting to do it 😬 Sorry OP. I’m usually the first to champion mothers having a break and some time to themselves. It’s so incredibly important.
But this is a massive ask, with a very young baby and 3 kids who - at the end of the day - aren’t even his.

I wouldn't do it if l was him either - the baby is one thing but 3 others who aren't? Sorry op l think you are pushing it a bit there!

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 17:18

Eyelinerofthetigers · 09/08/2025 17:16

Why is the OP getting such a hard time about going away? On other threads where women post that their DP is going away on a holiday leaving her with a newborn and the kids, they are told that they should let him go and that they’ll be fine. On one thread where a woman didn’t want her husband to go on holiday leaving her with a baby, she was told by one poster to see her HV about ‘some resources to help her cope’

Fucking double standards on here!

Exactly...

rainingsnoring · 09/08/2025 17:16

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 12:18

This thread certainly doesn't support mothers, does it?

If they have a new relationship and start a new family they are "shagging around" and "moving a man in"

Shouldn't sensibly organise childcare a year in advance.

Shouldn't have a week's break.

Shouldn't entrust DP to look after his baby and stepchildren.

Shouldn't have a job when baby is 3 months old

This site should be called ANTI mumsnet

This woman doesn't need any support, nor is she asking for any. She posted on AIBU asking for opinions, which she was given. Now, because most people disagreed with her and/or criticised her behaviour, you have decided that the whole site is anti mums. What a strange and hyperbolic conclusion.

It must be a relief to you that Mumsnet is PRO child, even if you have decided that it is anti mums!

Eyelinerofthetigers · 09/08/2025 17:16

Why is the OP getting such a hard time about going away? On other threads where women post that their DP is going away on a holiday leaving her with a newborn and the kids, they are told that they should let him go and that they’ll be fine. On one thread where a woman didn’t want her husband to go on holiday leaving her with a baby, she was told by one poster to see her HV about ‘some resources to help her cope’

Fucking double standards on here!

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 09/08/2025 16:39

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 16:10

Yes I think I can be when it comes to women slagging off other women.

Show quote history

You do know that being a woman doesn’t make someone immune from criticism don’t you?

This whole notion that women should never criticise other women, the “sisterhood” and all that is just a load of bollocks.

She’s rightly being criticised for the decisions she’s making. Being a woman doesn’t make that wrong.

CheekyCherryColaCandy · 09/08/2025 16:24

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 16:10

Yes I think I can be when it comes to women slagging off other women.

Show quote history

It's a public forum. OP has posted something that very very few people would do.

If you post your life on a forum like this you are inviting comment, quite literally.

It's odd to try and gatekeep that, you've just embroiled yourself in a totally pointless argument

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 16:10

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 16:07

This site should be called ANTI mumsnet

You’re a right old drama queen aren’t you @Petitchat ?! 😆

Yes I think I can be when it comes to women slagging off other women.

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 16:09

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 16:03

On what planet would anyone be jealous of a single parent of three young children who hooks up with a new fella, falls pregnant soon after and at the very outset of the pregnant is already engaging in a stand off with new fella cos she wants her solo holiday with no kids 3 months post birth.

I mean… life has to be pretty shit to be jealous of this

Edited

Maybe it is?
Like OP's situation, I know nothing about you.

VeryStressedMum · 09/08/2025 16:08

Everyone does what works for them. I have gone away many times over the years when the children were young. Dh the same. Time away is very important. Away for a week when the baby is 3 months old? No.

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 16:07

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 16:05

You should take a leaf out of OP's book and go on a break.
Just a suggestion.

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You are bang on right

the BBQ is a-calling

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 16:07

This site should be called ANTI mumsnet

You’re a right old drama queen aren’t you @Petitchat ?! 😆

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 16:05

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 16:01

Yes because there’s no middle ground between “perfect” and…. This

😆

Show quote history

You should take a leaf out of OP's book and go on a break.
Just a suggestion.

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 16:03

On what planet would anyone be jealous of a single parent of three young children who hooks up with a new fella, falls pregnant soon after and at the very outset of the pregnant is already engaging in a stand off with new fella cos she wants her solo holiday with no kids 3 months post birth.

I mean… life has to be pretty shit to be jealous of this

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 16:03

tooloololoo · 09/08/2025 15:59

But you’re also fobbing your 3 month old off

so it’s up to him what he does

How is arranging childcare a year in advance "fobbing off"

Are you feeling ok?

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 16:01

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 15:49

I can’t even imagine being in the situation. Let alone started an OP about it. Unfathomable really. Probably I’d have shuffled off, yes.

Edited
Show quote history

What situation?
Being in a second relationship and starting a new family?
Unfathomable?
You've never heard of that before?

Wow, You must lead a very sheltered life...

Maybe half the couples in the country should just shuffle off then...

Megaclean · 09/08/2025 16:01

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 15:54

I'll bet there's some absolutely perfect relationships on here.

Everyone speaks to their partner straight away, before coming on mumsnet.
No one is in their second marriage/relationship.
No one has step children.

And everyone would stay on here to have themselves and partner insulted, when no one knows hardly anything about them.

OP was honest and open and people were jealous.
You can almost see the green envy coming off the pages.

It never used to be like this. There used to be a sense of solidarity amongst women and mothers.

I think this nastiness, false accusations, jealousy is because you all need a holiday. A break from your kids.

Am I right?

Show quote history

Yes because there’s no middle ground between “perfect” and…. This

😆

tooloololoo · 09/08/2025 15:59

But you’re also fobbing your 3 month old off

so it’s up to him what he does

Petitchat · 09/08/2025 15:54

itsgettingweird · 09/08/2025 15:39

Well surely the answer was to have spoken to him properly in the first place rather than coming here to be all pompous? 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

I'll bet there's some absolutely perfect relationships on here.

Everyone speaks to their partner straight away, before coming on mumsnet.
No one is in their second marriage/relationship.
No one has step children.

And everyone would stay on here to have themselves and partner insulted, when no one knows hardly anything about them.

OP was honest and open and people were jealous.
You can almost see the green envy coming off the pages.

It never used to be like this. There used to be a sense of solidarity amongst women and mothers.

I think this nastiness, false accusations, jealousy is because you all need a holiday. A break from your kids.

Am I right?