OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

I love my children, and I love spending time with them. So I can't relate to you.

Me time? FFS you have 4 children including a new baby - a coffee with a friend maybe, a week away is just ridiculous. You need to live in the real world. You are VERY fortunate to have a hands on mother to help you snd a partner who is obviously involved with 3 children who aren’t his, but to leave them all for a week for a non essential trip is just selfish and entitled. Be a mother first always.

Is there a big age gap between this new baby and your current youngest child? I just wonder if you've forgotton just how little a 3 month old is... At that age, they really need their mum. They're still in the process of forming their secure attachments to their primary caregivers, and a week is a long time to interrupt such a crucial process. Yes, I am being judgemental, because I think this decision is worthy of negative judgement. I think it's cruel to separate such a young baby from its mother for so long.

But YOU are wanting to leave the child too. For a week. At a very young age. Why is it ok for you to do this but not him? You want a break, maybe he does too? Can’t judge him by standards you don’t hold yourself, sorry.

How many threads have their been where new mums ask if they are BU to not want their partner to go away while they have a new baby. They are always told no.
So I think YABU to go on holiday when he'll have work, not long after paternity leave. Can you shorten it to a long weekend so it would only be a couple of days leave for him to take? Maybe he could make that work. (edit, but i still think YABU. It's sooner than I think either parent should be left flying solo for multiple days and nights if at all preventable)

I think you're getting mixed up with your sarcastic remarks about other mums relaxation being a bath and not a week long holiday, that isnt because we can't go on holiday without our baby, it's because we don't want to. I have a fully capable partner, however I wouldn't dream of voluntarily leaving my 12 week old baby. I had a few A&E trips and nights in hospital when my baby was 4 months and younger and being away from him was awful.

Well yeah, basically.

Where is the laughing emoji when you need it?

I think people are being pretty harsh. If the husband was going away for a few days we’d be saying suck it up. Because she’s the mother it’s not ok? She has arranged for her mum to have the kids that are not his, but expecting him to look after his own baby is fine. My husband went away when our first was four months old, it was fine. I didn’t because I was breastfeeding but if I wasn’t and wanted to go away I should have been just as capable of doing so as my husband was.

I have a three month old baby. I miss her if I pop to the corner shop! What happened to the dad(s) of the other three?

You should have thought about all this before you decided to have 4 children. Cancel the holiday. Bit mean to take a baby and leave the rest behind.

You must have only just found out that you are pregnant yet you seem more concerned with your holiday than with the pregnancy and new baby. Most mums wouldn't consider leaving a 3 month old baby for a whole week. Just cancel the holiday or take the little one with you. I think it's really selfish to expect your mum to look after three, presumably quite young children, plus a 3 month old baby. He sounds as bad as you if he doesn't even want to attempt to care for his own child.

Don't leave your baby with anyone.You are showing a first time Dad that you just leave your baby and children with a relative and do your own thing , that is not the norm.
You are the mother and you have 3 other children that you are responsible for .
Cancel your holiday.
Do you want another baby ? Does he want to be a Dad ?

Why?

Could he not get together with the father of the other three children and cobble together a DadsUnitedTeam to deal with all four of your children?

🙂

Yes, because I have parents who still work and a partner who works away midweek so I've never got to have child free weekends and breaks, I should be deemed a person who is abusive to my child because I won't fuck off on a girls holiday for a week.

Go fuck yourself.

To be pragmatic, surely the newborn would be better looked after by a Grandmother than him ?

Basically what you’re saying is it okay for you the fob the kids off (me time) but not him.

I think you’re both as bad as each other and I feel for the kids.

No one I know would have willingly left their 3 month old for a week for “me time.” Babies are tiny and helpless at that age, let alone the fact that they might be breastfeeding. I don’t understand someone who has 4 kids but can’t at least make it to 6 months without leaving their tiny baby with an unwilling partner.

If I’d had to travel for a family funeral or work disaster that would be different, but a week’s optional holiday, absolutely no way. You’ve got the rest of the poor child’s life for that.

Why do you need a holiday with a 3 month old baby? Surely, the baby needs you in its first year to make sure all is well with both of you. Of course, your 'partner' could babysit or one of the mum's help out but I would have thought you were the main protagonist in this story and in the first year of the baby's life?!

If he doesn't learn by then, yes he bloody well is a waste of oxygen.

To be fair I was more shocked you had booked a holiday alone after having a baby and 4 kids at home.

4 is too high.

It takes a village does not mean leaving 3 months old baby and going to holidays.

I'm not sure if you are still reading the replies op or have jumped ship but surely from all these replies you can see that it's normal to leave such a young baby for something which is not absolutely essential.

How can a trip be more important than caring for such a young child? They grow up so quickly, you have years to travel without your children.