Neighbour asked me to babysit her child whilst she works

I had this once (only once, luckily). School mum - our sons in same class Year 2, we each had a younger son mine then aged Reception and hers in school nursery. She went back to work ft and a couple of times asked me to collect hers and take them home and then she would collect. I found it a strain with all 4 to be honest esp her youngest lad who was full-on. At the time I was a SAHM (had recently taken career break) so she had said to others she thought I had spare time. At end of term half day, she asked me to collect them and keep them until 6pm. I’m afraid I declined saying we had something else on. Cue quite a few snarky comments. I still feel badly about it.

Exactly.

Women. And. Girls. Do. Not. Have. To. Be. Nice.

Ex childminder here - unfortunately as soon as you take payment and if there is a risk of it being a regular thing you fall foul of the law. Ie, you would be breaking it. I had to register 10 years ago because I was having my friend’s children 3 days a week after school - its to ensure that a) the child is cared for in accordance with child safety regulations etc AND b) that you are protected against being sued should her child have an accident or be taken ill whilst in your care. It’s one thing to watch a child in their home for a few hours in an emergency, but taking them into your home and receiving payment is not a good idea.

I’d decline and say you are not willing to do so. She’ll have to find a registered minder in stead.

This! And also from the OP "I do not want the responsibility of another child" so why would people reply saying "doesn't stop her helping if she wants to". She explicitly does not want to and that is completely fine.

Exactly! And I'm pretty sure that even the OP's neighbour might think twice before asking a retired man to look after her baby. It's completely different for working mums who get put upon and guilt-tripped vs a retired guy who gets a bang out helping everyone in his plentiful time.

Of course, ‘Be Nice’…gotcha! 👌🏻

Absolutely not op, and I wouldn't even do it as a one off as that would start a slippery slope. I was a single parent from when my daughter was 1,it was tough but I had to sort my own childcare and job out, it was my responsibility as a parent and an adult. She also has help from her parents which is more than a lot of people. This is not your problem and she sounds like a complete user.

You have every right to say no. She's taken her child out of the nursery, and really isn't in a position to 'have a think about what she wants to do'. If she's working, then she needs to find a new nursery asap, it really that simple. She can't rely on random people to provide childcare - and it wasn't fair on her to put all her expectations onto you. If it was a temporary arrangement, until she found a new nursery, I may have considered it. However, it sounds as if she was expecting the arrangement to be a permanent one. Her situation isn't nice, but her financial and childcare issues are not your responsibility to solve.

Oh definitely not unreasonable. Keep saying no. Her childcare is her problem. Just because you have a set up that works for your child does not oblige you to have hers too.

To start with paying you is very dodgy unless you're a registered childminder or employed as a nanny. "Babysitting" is subject to strict rules such as no more than 2 hours a day before 6pm or something like that (my kids are older so it's been a while since I checked).

I was going to say maybe offer as an occasional emergency but on reading further about her watching the neighbours and pestering a range of people to have her kid i reckon she would be a CF and "have an emergency" every day. She needs a nursery or a childminder.

I don't think it's great to be wfh and looking after a child as you do and as she seems to aspire to but that's another matter really.

Im not really sure why thats relevant but I am pretty sure he's not posting on here asking why he's being put upon either.

If he's doing it because he wants to and has the time, that's up to him. I'm referring the women who post on here after having ' a little cry' because everyone expects them to do everything, but they won't say no and wonder why no one else respects the boundaires theyve never expressed.

Or wondering why everyone assumes that they will do the childcare because they're a woman when they haven't said no.

Or wondering why other people don't respect them and their time.

YANBU but I do feel bad for her.

Yes, but your mutually supportive network of mums is not the situation here. So, woth respect, it's irrelevant.

Had the OP posted saying her neighbour was proposing that and she wasn't sure, she'd have had lots of encouragement to go ahead with it, I'm sure.

No one has suggested the OP hermetically seal.and isolate her family from the rest of the world. Just that these requests are unreasonable and this woman is easily identifiable as bad news.

The OP needs to prioritise herself and not this stranger.

Gosh! I would definitely hold the boundaries. As I suspect once you say yes once or twice it’s much harder to say no after that.

Slightly concerned how willing she is to leave her kid with people she doesn’t know too well. :/

And this.

My dad ia retired and helps half the neighbourhood

Her childcare is not your problem to solve. You already work and have your own children to care for. Don’t feel guilty - you’ve not done anything wrong in refusing the request.

I wouldn’t even offer a conciliatory ‘in an emergency’, because everyday will soon become an emergency. Is she assuming that because you wfh, you can do childcare as well?

keep saying no.

The looking after child is one thing, but her trying to get involved with your work situation is completely very hard no for me.

Really? My ex husband was, and my son in law is, forever being asked to pop round peoples houses to do odd jobs? I don't think men are free from this, although the requests are usually very gender based I agree.

In this case, I think - as I've said - the OP is right to say no, for many reasons. But the overall tone of the replies really worries me.

The overall tone of the replies is responding to this case. Not some other case where the vibe is of a nice network of mutually supportive parents.

I would be kind and get her the contact numbers of other local playgroups and nurseries. For work - sorry, no vacancies it's a very small firm. As for the rest, she seems very inappropriate; she also isn't your problem so step in only in an emergency.

This. If she pays you, you’ll need to

• register with your council as a childminder and take their childminder course
• notify your home insurance
• register with Ofsted
• get a home inspection from your council and sort things like French doors (shatterproof glass), etc
• have an up-to-date paediatric first aid qualification

This is no small feat. Say no. When you’re WFH, you’re still WORKING. My employer would be livid if they found out I was running a childminding side hustle whilst on the clock for them.

Nothing worse than a needy neighbour - l don't mean a neighbour in need, that's different but this sounded like she wanted an ongoing arrangement.

I agree with everyone else here that the OP can't accommodate her neighbour's request, but I do think we are in danger of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. My son is now a young adult, but his childhood - and my life as a mum - was actively enhanced by being part of a small network of women who helped each other out from time to time. There was no obligation, but we babysat each other's kids, had them for sleepovers, sent our kids over to them for sleepovers, walked them home from school, had them collected from school, etc etc. This baby is 11 months, so none of that yet applies, but this weird insistence that each family is a hermetically-sealed unit that must under no circumstances be breached risks all of us missing out.

In this case, I think - as I've said - the OP is right to say no, for many reasons. But the overall tone of the replies really worries me.

Of course YANBU. No WAY would I be babysitting someone else's baby/child. Let alone a random neighbour. Not your problem that she can't find childcare. ALSO, I am pretty sure it's illegal to do it anyway, as you have to be a qualified childminder.

I think babysitting is done in the child's home though. I have a friend who is a childminder and ìt means that her home and garden have to be assessed as safe. It's very thorough.