Neighbour asked me to babysit her child whilst she works

You should not feel guilt when the scum she had the baby with doesn’t give a shit. These are the consequences of poor life choices and you don’t want to be sucked into that dysfunctional crap. Well done for saying no.

As they say 'No' is a full sentence. Tell her no and that is it, do not over explain. It is a she problem not a you problem. Be busy all the time when you see her and leave it at that.

There are too many red flags here.
This isn't a 'mutually beneficial support network between friends' situation.
This is a 'woman you don't know very well trying to railroad you into complying with her demands' situation!

I think maybe a day ot two in an emergency but your neighbour will need to find a long term solution. Are you actually responsible for looking after your toddler while working from home. I didn't think most firms allow this as a regular thing.

Sounds like my experience too. I often read these threads and think how sad it is that so many people have no support system.

You were right to say no, OP. A person can have genuine problems (whether they are the author of their own distress or not) and be too much for those around them at one and the same time. Regardless of the reason for your neighbour's situation, you aren't her solution; you've got enough balls to juggle as it is and it wouldn't be acceptable or satisfactory in the long-term for anyone for you to struggle with your current commitments because you'd taken on another.

You neighbour's MO - the way she keeps an eye on her Ringdoor for example and importunes people - suggests that her sense of boundaries isn't strong, but your best reason for saying no is that you are a real person, with a real life - you aren't the solution to her problems.

A one off emergency would be acceptable but nothing on a regular basis. You'll end up getting sacked! Looking after someone else's child is different to having your own. They'll need monitoring as she may be mire hard work and need one to one etc. You are right to say no. She needs to return her child to nursery or find a child minder. Do not let her guilt trip you into something that's going to affect your child and job. I wouldn't even get involved with the job hunt, tell her to look online. Otherwise she'll be hounding you, asking for updates.

@kimmmym There's nothing wrong with saying No, OP and you shouldn't feel bad for doing so. You can empathise and sympathise with your NDN's situation, but that doesn't mean you have to provide her with a solution to her problem. You have your own life and doing this (huge) "favour" simply isn't compatible with your own family's needs. Well done for being assertive on this. 🤗

You're not responsible for her childcare situation, no matter how sad or frustrated she feels. It wouldn't be unreasonable for you to help in an emergency, if you felt you could, but it's a massive imposition to ask you to do this on a regular basis.

Do not feel guilty. This woman is a taker, and she seems like the type who will continue to ask for more if you do one small favor, thus you can't even watch the kid once.

I think this woman had a lot of nerve to ask. If anyone should feel bad, it's her for asking for not one but two favors, and for putting you in an uncomfortable position by trying to make her problems yours.

She sounds incredibly selfish, so please don't think you are being selfish by having boundaries. We all know how this would have ended up if you'd said yes.

YANBU

it's not an emergency

I would be a lot more sympathetic if she had booked alternate childcare but it wasn't available for a few days - with precise and clear starting date. If you book a childminder, they might not have immediate availability for example.

There are ad-hoc nanny agencies, and a lot of students available for babysitting in the summer. If she was paying for the nursery anyway, she can pay for a babysitter!

Glad you have said no, she sounds like user with a bit of a messy life.

Stay well away and try to avoid her.
Her life is not your problem.
Dont get her into your workplace either.

Dont even offer a once off, otherwise she will always say “oh well you managed once, can’t you do it again?”.

I have a contact (not a neighbour) like this. She's had genuine hardship and I've helped her out quite a lot.

Much of the support she's sought out from me was genuine and I felt bad for her. But she's also pushed her luck with me and I no longer offer her help because while I understood genuine need (relationship breakdown, no childcare) on one occasion while I was babysitting (I thought for work) she was actually in the pub. Which I thought was taking the piss. She also makes spectacularly bad life choices, which then lead to her needing support. And frankly, I've got enough on my plate myself.

So I'd help out ONCE. But I wouldn't offer ongoing help. I'd also minimise contact as much as I could.

Yeah, radical eh.

There’s a saying that “you shouldn’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” You’ve already have enough on your plate. She should start by finding a new nursery or child minder.

😁

I think difference here is that this woman has already shown she doesn't have any boundaries of her own, which means she is less likely to observe other people's.

If she'd knocked on the OP's door asking if she knew of any websites advertising wfh jobs, she could say yes and tell her or no. That's very different to suggesting the OP do the leg work of looking them up and finding the neighbour to direct her to them. Or asking the OP for information on her company which she could find out herself online.

Some people ask and are taking responsibility for themselves. Some people ask and are expecting you to take responsibility. It's different.

why doesn't she find a childminder if she's willing to pay?

You need to tell her you are working and also caring for your own DC so a new baby would be too much. A pity she's not my neighbour because I absolutely adore babies and would do it for free once a week just to get a cuddle with them and to push them out in their pram.

Gosh don't feel guilty OP.

I would be thinking of having to change nappies, and would she be dropping off food for the baby, what if it chokes on your watch ? Is your house even baby friendly if your DC are older?

Sounds like a terrible idea and as others have said she needs to sort nursery asap

You aren't responsible for her childcare .

"Apparently she watches neighbours on her Ringdoor and then when she see’s various neighbours she will come out and start a convo and then start asking for favours as she has asked other neighbours to help with childcare amongst other things, not just me."

It sounds like she's actively trying to confront neighbors to find one or two who won't say no to offload much of her own responsibilities onto, including childcare and looking for a job. In other words, she's looking for a sucker or two. I wonder if there really was an incident at childcare or she's just looking for a chump to babysit for free.

I'd keep far away and just say your workplace isn't hiring.

Nobody helps her except her mum and the child's father??
Surely thats the same for most people to have those two choices or often not even that.

You aren't available for childcare, even if that makes your next door neighbour sad.

She sounds lonely and like she's struggling. It's sad for her. But, it's okay to say no. I wouldn't take on regular childcare responsibilities for anyone. I wouldn't mind helping in an emergency but not as a regular accordance. It sounds like she wants/ needs a friend, but that doesn't mean that you want to be that friend.

Well, desperate times and all that 😳😅

I don't see the harm in suggesting a website to her neighbour that specialises in WFH jobs is a big favour, or opening a gateway to the neighbour asking for more help, though. But we have neighbours knocking at all hours because of my husband's trade (not sex work 😅)