Neighbour asked me to babysit her child whilst she works

@kimmmym She should be asking her parents for help watching her child so she can work, not so that she can go have a social life. She wants it all and is willing to forgo the job instead of a social life?

Not your circus, not your clown car.

That’s really sad for her, but her child is not your responsibility. It’s unfair of her to try to guilt trip you into it.

Yes, this is a really good point. The advice I gave was based on a friend's child. If OP barely know the neighbour, then she has boundary issues and the chances of this backfiring on OP are high. Keep well away and have minimal/ nothing to do with her.

You are right not to get involved. I would be willing to bet that if you did any kind of favour for this person, even as a one off, it would open up a massive can of worms.

Taking care of someone else's child is a huge responsibility, and the trust needs to go both ways. The fact that she's asking someone she barely knows to provide regular childcare is worrying. Someone who over-shares with neighbours about her personal life, relationship history and finances, asks people she barely knows for favours then bursts into tears when they say no and seems to have had some sort of falling out with her previous childcare setting is not someone I would feel comfortable entering into any sort of childcare arrangement with.

Your spine is shiny.

She's persistent and manipulative.

From now on, just say you're busy and can't stop to chat.

You were fine to say no. In an emergency I possibly would. If it was a long term arrangement I wouldn't do it without payment but even then it would really restrict my time. It's a lot to commit to and totally understandable for you to say no. Besides the fact, you also work. She needs to find childcare arrangements like everyone else and that's not your problem.

OP, is this the woman who asked you to do her watering for her?

Stay away from her.
She is a CF user.

Don't get involved at all.

People with poor boundaries often see boundaries as being mean or unkind or the thought of doing so makes them feel anxious. Other people putting boundaries into place also makes them feel uncomfortable because they know they wouldn't be able to do the same and it feels wrong somehow.

I don't get the few people on here talking about being kind and being concerned at replies on here saying not to help.. There is being kind, and then there is letting yourself be treated like a mug to your own detriment. The op is a working mum, to two young children. Why should she agree to look after a neighbour's baby which would cause her own life/work/other children to suffer?? This lady clearly has help already and has form for using others. You don't have to be a people pleaser to be kind.

Everyone telling you to help out a few times are forgetting you have no idea what the incident at nursery was, and whether you will have the same incident yourself. You need to really trust someone to take care of their child. You have no idea if you are walking into a safeguarding nightmare.

She's watching her neighbours on her ring doorbell and accosting them.

She is someone to avoid. Not engage with.

She's not asking for a bit of help now and again, she is asking the OP to do something illegal.

Oh I have also been 'potentially that person'. In that my circumstances at one point with a newborn were dire. But I never was.

I've met many people, personally and professionally who were 'potentially that person' but also weren't. I've also met many who were absolutely that person.

And you can recognise them a mile off.

Her mother watches her kid some days.

She has help. Don't try to guilt OP, she has 2 kids under 3 and is working from home. Her plate is full .

She's also watching on her Ring cam and going out to ask her neighbors for favours.

I potentially was that person. I was a young mum, on my own, trying to work and juggle childcare, worn down. I’m sure I burst into tears on a stranger at some point because life was so bloody relentless - money worries, time worries, no time out - at all- ever. There were kind people. People who came and sat and let me talk, so I didn’t feel so alone with it all. One lady made me a lot of soup and pizza, I remember. Another sat and played with my daughter so that I could wash up or put the laundry out. A simple ‘I’m going to the shop do you want anything’.

The only real two answers to her question about childcare are:

"No" and "Fuck off".

Her child, her problem.

Do not engage.

Apart from a one off emergency situation it would be a no for me. Not only has she been extremely cheeky asking you ,but she really has no idea if you are suitable to look after her child and what sort of a person you are. however difficult her circumstances might be it's not the role of a neighbour to resolve them for her. She needs proper official childcare . I suspect her. I will pay you wasn't intending to be at the going rate or she could look into a childminder.

The "overall tone of the replies" are reflective of the facts given by OP in her posts and have absolutely no relevance to the scenario you have described.

Next time anyone asks you anything like that just laugh loudly and 'yeah, right' and change the subject

As if they're kidding

Why on earth are you second guessing yourself??

Of course it's a no

Just agreeing with everyone else - don’t feel guilty for saying no! This isn’t someone popping round asking to borrow a cup of sugar, or asking if you’ll water their plants when they go on holiday. It’s a virtual stranger asking you to take responsibility for their BABY. She doesn’t seem to give a shit about the baby’s wellbeing if she’s willing to palm it off to anyone that will say yes. And if her parents are babysitting to allow her to go out either friends multiple times a week, they are enabling her to actively shirk her responsibilities. She needs to grow up and step up fast.

I would certainly not be recommending someone I don’t know to my company for a job… especially when it very much sounds like she’s trying to find a WFH job so she can look after the baby whilst working.

If she asks again, I would burst out laughing and say “good one - you nearly got me there til I realised no one would be cheeky enough to actually mean that, I mean could you imagine?” If she asks again after that she’s got such a brass neck you’ll have to actually spell it out for her that it isn’t appropriate for her to be asking for this. It’s not a “favour”, she’s asking you to do something illegal and jeopardise your own job, family and house!

She sounds a proper CF - you do her a favour a couple of times and that entitles her to be snide if you don’t double down and do her a bigger favour on another occasion? How is that fair?

And if you had time - it was yours!

You would have to get properly vetted as a child minder and possibly modify your house to comply. A lot of hoops to jump through and a lot of responsibility. And I'm sure they wouldn't like you working at the same time! Just say you are not a registered child minder and wouldn't risk doing it without being one, not to mention having to be part self employed and tax implications.

YANBU. You have to do what's right for you. It's sad for her but that's not your responsibility.