Hi everyone, I just need to get something off my chest and maybe hear some outside perspectives because I’m really struggling with how I'm feeling at the moment.
For context, over the years we’ve been on a few family holidays that included myself, my husband and our kids, my in-laws (his parents), and my husband’s sister and her family. While we’ve generally had good times but it's not always been 'perfect'. My husband and his sister parent very differently, and that’s caused a few minor issues in the past. Things like me saying yes to our kids having an ice cream and her saying no to hers – which then leads to meltdowns and somehow becomes our fault. Nothing huge, just little clashes now and then.
However, the last holiday we went on together a few years ago ended badly. After a minor issue about splashing in the pool, my sister-in-law completely lost it with my husband in front of everyone – shouting that he’s a rubbish parent, that I’m lazy, and even saying her kids are scared of him. It was really awful. She accused him of “puffing out his chest trying to be the big man” which couldn’t have been further from the truth. He stood silently and in shock, didn’t react, and just walked away and was actually gutted about what she said and they way she said it in front of everyone. It felt to me like it came from years of built-up resentment she hadn’t addressed. I still get quite emotional thinking about it.
After that, both my husband and his sister (separately) told their parents that they wouldn’t be doing any more big family holidays – the tension was too much. We cancelled the holiday we had already booked for the following year. We didn’t speak at all for months, but eventually we got to a place where we could be civil again. Things are ok now but nothing like before.
Now on to my problem... my sister-in-law recently booked a family holiday and invited my in-laws who agreed to going with them. They’ve all gone away together – and we weren’t even considered. Not even a message or conversation to see how we felt about it. My MIL only told us after it was already booked. I know we said we wouldn’t do joint holidays again, and truthfully we probably would’ve said no anyway. But to not even be included in the discussion – especially after working to be civil again – feels like a slap in the face. I wouldn't even consider asking my in laws to come on a holiday with us because I wouldn't want to put them in an awkward situation and I wouldn't want to put my nieces and nephews in a position where they would feel excluded.
I’m heartbroken for my kids, who now see their grandparents and cousins on a holiday without them. It feels like such a massive step backwards for our family, like we’re being pushed out. I just can’t shake the feeling of being excluded and like we don’t matter. I've cried multiple times since they went last week.
Am I being unreasonable to be so upset about it or do I just need to get a grip?