Checking child’s phone

Please please keep checking phones. My cousin has had a nightmare at the moment with her son being groomed online through the Xbox or playstation chat feature, which escalated to Snapchat on this phone. He thought it was a girl his own age. His mum wasn't checking his phone and is now in the midst of a social services/police/school nightmare. According to the police this is becoming more and more common and they really struggle to stop it.

Loads

MMGuardian for Android.

Famisafe

NortonFamily

Bark

Qustodio

Get your child a phone, install monitoring app on both yours and your child's handset. Set up what you want to track, it can be anything from real-time screen viewing (so you can literally see exactly what your child is looking at in real time) of just location, whatever.

Then off you go.

Most don't show up on the target device, so unless your child is particularly tech savvy, they won't know their phone is being monitored.

People are horrified at a 12 YO having a phone? Really? It’s totally typical at that age, often younger too.

It’s important to most kids to be like their peers and fit in. I’m not sure the answer to the (very real and terrible) dangers of phones is to just stop them having one altogether when all of their pals have them. Hard socially, for kids at that age, I bet, especially when they’re missing out on group chats with friends, social plans etc.

My child was groomed on the messages on thier phone (we did do random checks but still missed it) so your ex is wrong.

Not only do you need to continue with the check, you need to make sure your child has the tools to deal with the main risks. spot them / how to report etc. This is the bit we got right and ny son went to the pastoral lead because of things we had discused and learned in school.

The nspcc has lots of advice. I think you can phone them for more specific advice.

The personal messages are likely to be the worst. Have you been living under a rock?

You are doing a great job. I work in schools and I wish all other parents did this - it would save so much damage and trauma. It is hard work though, and lots of parents simply don't bother

I think you are doing fine with the 12 year old.

I'm horrified your 12 yo has a phone, why? And more horrified you'd question checking it. It's a 12yo ffs! Remember being 12? That's still so very young

I check my 11 year olds phone, it has to be left downstairs at night so we check it maybe 1-2 times per week

if he was being bullied / being a bully or searching worrying content I need to capture it early

absolutely nothing wrong with this at all - tell him to watch adolescence and he’ll soon change his mind!!

What hidden monitoring apps are there? I’m also looking for my DD

Google FamilyLink is good, you can block specific websites and apps. DC has to ask permission (needs to enter a code sent to your phone) before downloading apps. You can check their location (or at least the location of their phone). You just need to tell them not to log out of Google on their phone. DD did that accidentally once so we had words and she's not done it since (I regularly check her location when I know she's at home just to check she's not logged out). It's not perfect but DD isn't a techie wizard so I think it unlikely she's found a way round the restrictions.

As for a PP saying kids could have a burner phone for illegal activity, yes that's true, but would be accompanied by other changes in behaviour I keep an eye out for. Also, I use FamilyLink to minimise the risks (I can control this phone, if she starts using another one we have a whole new set of problems but I do what I can to keep her safe).

I imagine your ex wants to send your child messages slagging you off and he doesnt want you to see them.

we just had the standard child safety which meant all apps and internet use, etc was recorded on my computer - checking phones physically was specifically for messages, etc

How old are the kids who are not 12?

If all you're doing is checking, then you are wasting your time. You won't have a clue what apps are hidden.

If you buy a brand new phone, set it up, Install remote monitoring software, then give your child the phone, you have a chance at seeing what's going on. Assuming they don't just use a burner or a phone given to them by one of their friends.

This nonsense of "checking" phones really has to stop. Unless you are extremly competent in the use of surveillance tech, you're just wasting your time.

No child should have any expectation of privacy on their phone. Zero. You pay for it, yo own it, they are young, impressionable and at high risk of abuse, grooming, dick pics, everything.

EVERY PARENT SHOULD TREAT THEIR KIDS PHONE LIKE A POSTCARD THEY READ ANY TIME THEY LIKE

Please check your child’s phone. Not just for their own safety, but their friends too.

If it wasn’t for another mum checking their child’s phone, my best friend may have lost her amazing, seemingly very happy and content boy to suicide 😔
And my friend WAS frequently checking her boys phone - but he was deleting everything.

She was completely blindsided by it but was able to step in and give him the support that he so needed but didn’t know how to ask for.

I dread to think about the alternative.

This - and it’s not going to be some stranger, it’s likely to be another child close in age to them.

Your ex is an idiot. The whole internet in all its nasty glory is on your child’s phone, and anyone can message them.
Check check and check again, and use parental safety apps - they aren’t full proof but definitely help to weed out unwanted porn etc popping up and help manage which apps they can download on phone and screen time.

If I didn't check my child's phone, I would have missed the fact that someone had started sexting them and was pressuring them to send photos and videos. My child was 12 at the time.