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AIBU?

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Original poster

Scolding DS's accident

236 replies

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:51

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

OP posts:
BetweenTwoFerns · 05/08/2025 22:40

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 22:36

Re. The pet situation. My dog is fine and lived with a cat previously. Albeit she is a bit hyper the first 30 seconds, then calms down.

The issue is that his cats are house cats (have been for two years) and are incredibly timid as used to living with just him. Theyve had no interaction with dogs/outside etc.

DP said he would see how it goes for the first 6 months or so, but if his cats are still as timid/scared, his aunt is willing to rehome them at her house (we are hoping it doesnt come to that, as we obviously both love our pets).

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It’s remarkable that you are just talking about the hard done by cats!

BBQBertha · 05/08/2025 22:40

Just get rid, you know what you have to do.

Maray1967 · 05/08/2025 22:38

ooooohlala · 05/08/2025 21:58

Have a proper think… does living with this man make your son’s life better or worse?

This.

Unless he apologises and understands what he has done wrong, boot this bloke out.

Flissty · 05/08/2025 22:37

Giving a child ‘the silent treatment’ is a massive red flag in my opinion. That’s not an adult way of responding to a child, even if they had intentionally misbehaved- which yours didn’t.

e45crem · 05/08/2025 22:37

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:28

Also, OP has said she also has given silent treatment so neither parent/parental figure is a shining example to him here

No they are not, however this isn’t about examples it’s about not letting a cunty abusive man treat your child badly.

SaratogaFilly · 05/08/2025 22:36

PolyVagalNerve · 05/08/2025 21:54

2 months in and he is scolding …

poor kid

nip this in the bud now, and he can’t accept he’s crossed a line, then throw him out - protect your kid,

This - no question.

nocoolnamesleft · 05/08/2025 22:36

So he had a right go at your kid, and then gave him the emotionally abusive silent treatment, and that’s after only living there two months?! Red flags.

Original poster
ellie09 · 05/08/2025 22:36

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:31

Because they (the adults) chose to live together with animals that don’t get on.

Show quote history

Re. The pet situation. My dog is fine and lived with a cat previously. Albeit she is a bit hyper the first 30 seconds, then calms down.

The issue is that his cats are house cats (have been for two years) and are incredibly timid as used to living with just him. Theyve had no interaction with dogs/outside etc.

DP said he would see how it goes for the first 6 months or so, but if his cats are still as timid/scared, his aunt is willing to rehome them at her house (we are hoping it doesnt come to that, as we obviously both love our pets).

OP posts:
Luddite26 · 05/08/2025 22:34

Oh he sounds like an absolute cock.
This is the start. All down hill now. Horrible prick.

Fleur405 · 05/08/2025 22:32

Giving the silent treatment to an 8 year old who made a small mistake is deeply deeply toxic behaviour. My mum did this a lot and I don’t let her have any unsupervised time with my daughter.

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:31

stayathomegardener · 05/08/2025 22:30

The pet situation sounds horrendous in itself, why should an 8 year old have to constantly remember to keep doors shut, that would annoy me as an adult.

This guys behaviour towards your son is unacceptable though especially so early on, get rid.

Because they (the adults) chose to live together with animals that don’t get on.

RobertJohnsonsShoes · 05/08/2025 22:31

Run run run like the wind. As the Monty python boys say.

stayathomegardener · 05/08/2025 22:30

The pet situation sounds horrendous in itself, why should an 8 year old have to constantly remember to keep doors shut, that would annoy me as an adult.

This guys behaviour towards your son is unacceptable though especially so early on, get rid.

Gamerlady · 05/08/2025 22:29

Get him out your house, how dare he give the silent treatment to your child and scold him . He is not the parent! Bin him off

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 05/08/2025 22:28

Yes he could have said something matter of fact that got the message across, but he didn't. And he won't the next time either.

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:28

Also, OP has said she also has given silent treatment so neither parent/parental figure is a shining example to him here

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:27

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 05/08/2025 22:25

If it wasn't done maliciously then there's absolutely no need for a telling off and ridiculous freaking out session from a grown man. Nasty overreaction.

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It was carelessness. Silent treatment is wrong however if you let a child get away with potentially a dangerous situation without any scolding it’s likely it would happen again.

nobody is saying child did it purposely or maliciously but they won’t learn right from wrong it someone doesn’t tell them to not do it again. PP is right in that the partner should’ve said please do not do that again.

TheSaddestSong · 05/08/2025 22:27

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:24

classic Mumsnet advice…

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As it should be for situations like this. Abusive men do not deserve more chances, more so when there is a child to protect.

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 05/08/2025 22:25

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:24

Nobody is saying child did it maliciously

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If it wasn't done maliciously then there's absolutely no need for a telling off and ridiculous freaking out session from a grown man. Nasty overreaction.

anytipswelcome · 05/08/2025 22:25

Do you really want to keep shagging a grown man who stomps about and gives the silent treatment when he’s annoyed? Let alone inflict him on your son?

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:24

TheSaddestSong · 05/08/2025 22:24

No, the OP just needs to kick this abuser out of her life and protect her son from him.

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classic Mumsnet advice…

TheSaddestSong · 05/08/2025 22:24

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:21

Silent treatment is not good but it’s not good enough to simply forget to do it when the animals could pose a danger to each other, especially as the dog sounds hyper and bounded up. Not judging I have a dog who is similar. The partner did right to tell off the son however silent treatment is ridiculous and it sounds like OP and her partner need to sit down communicate and discuss the type of discipline that should be used for the son.

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No, the OP just needs to kick this abuser out of her life and protect her son from him.

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:24

Sparklesandbananas · 05/08/2025 22:22

This could easily be a mistake that wasn’t malicious. We all do something thoughtless from time to time that wasn’t malicious. From what she has put this child hasn’t previously done anything to show it could be malicious.

Nobody is saying child did it maliciously

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:23

The way you told him it wasn’t a big deal is minimising the situation and I can get why he’d be annoyed.

MCF86 · 05/08/2025 22:23

"DC, please double check the door is closed properly next time"

That's as much of a "scolding" as was needed. I cannot abide men who think giving anyone silent treatment is appropriate, let alone children.