Scolding DS's accident

Giving your DP the benefit of the doubt I suspect he really wants this to work (getting the animals used to each other) and knows that this will be hard. Especially with cats, and especially if you aren’t consistent so they feel safe. Plus his cats that he loves were likely frightened by the dog. So tbf to him he is likely to be (understandably) annoyed and upset.

I also don’t think scolding is inappropriate in this circumstance, even if it was an accident. Or him expressing annoyance and frustration. People are allowed emotions and it’s not automatically bad for children to learn/see this (within reason, behaviour shouldn’t be scary/intimidating of course). I’m not sure exactly what you mean by both sulking and stomping though - those are quite different things/actions.

Having said all that I’d be talking to him about things like the silent treatment. It’s never ok to do that (needing space to calm yourself is ok, silent treatment is not, it’s abusive). And remind him that this is a child not an adult and he needs to be the adult in all interactions with your DS.

I do find it much more concerning that he’s jumping to the conclusion that your DS did this deliberately. I would be asking why he thinks that? It’s like he thinks it was a malicious act? His answer may inform you whether or not this is someone you want to continue to be in a relationship with.

I agree with @BetweenTwoFerns, how on Earth can you even be thinking about the pets when you have a grown man doling out the silent treatment to your child, and stomping round the house like a grumpy teen?! What a huge overreaction to a simple mistake.

In your shoes I would be having a very serious conversation with this man. He needs to apologise to your DS for his behaviour, and guarantee you that he will never use "the silent treatment" on either you or your DS again. He needs to have a serious think about whether he is fit for living with an 8 year old, and you need to seriously consider this too.

This event should be a final warning for your partner, because your main role in life is to protect your child, and if this man is going to behave abusively to your DS in his own home, then he certainly shouldn't be living there.

If the cats aren't noticeably better with you or the dog 2+ months in, they probably won't improve now. Seperate from the issue of behaviour by P around DS.

I agree. I might have to hide this thread because it breaks my heart to think of that poor little boy, whose happy home has suddenly become a place where he is scolded and then ignored for making a simple mistake.

He’s 8 years old. Until 2 months ago he didn’t have to think about doors. Now there’s a big strict rule about keeping doors closed. Can you really seriously say that you don’t understand how a child can accidentally leave a door open? Adults forget bigger things all the time.

Your poor DS.

Please don’t normalise abusive behaviour.

Your DS forgot to shut a door, he shouldn’t have been scolded he should have been reminded about the cats.

I don’t often let threads on here get to me but you let that man tell your DS off and then give him the silent treatment. Your poor little boy.

simsbustinoutmimi · Yesterday 22:10
I don’t think it was a mistake if son has been told the animals need to be introduced gently. An 8 year old knows right from wrong, he’s not a toddler.

That’s what you said.

But it is easily forgotten, especially by a child.

It’s keeping a door closed it’s not complicated

Where did I say it wasn’t a mistake?

@simsbustinoutmimi so if it wasn’t a mistake and it wasn’t on purpose, what was it?

That’s ridiculous. I’m 57 and I could easily forget about all this faffing around to keep pets apart. I’m not surprised he got it wrong once. OP your partner has massively overstepped the mark, and if you don’t nip this in the bud you’re going to have a very unhappy child on your conscience.

Silent treatment towards a child is abusive behavior. You have let a child abuser live in your house with your child. After 2 months he should still be on his best behavior so the fact he’s started already is a massive red flag!!!

Do I remember rightly you posting about your partner's (fiance's) cats a few months ago. You have a Rottweiler and he has rescue cats? It sounds like you're doing all you can to introduce them carefully and that it was simply a lapse on your son's part when he left the door open. It sounds like the way in which your partner has dealt with the situation is OTT, particularly the silent treatment. I'm sure your son has realised how important it is to carry on as you were. He's a young child and that kind of behaviour from your partner is just not on. If you do let him continue to stay, he needs to know that this is completely unacceptable and that it cannot happen again. I appreciate it's a huge transition for you all, and these things rarely run smoothly, but I'd be keeping a very close eye on things. At the end of the day, your child is your no. 1 priority - your concern about this situation shows you think the same.

@ellie09 the fact he does any kind of ‘silent treatment’ is just not ok.

He's shown you who he really is, believe him and get rid.

gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.
This is already too far. This kind of behaviour is distressing for a child.

he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident".
So he’s not only been stomping around, sulking, giving the silent treatment, and creating an atmosphere in your child’s home, he also suggested your son left the door open deliberately? Was he implying some kind of malicious intent…from your 8yr old!?

It’s been 2 months and he’s already like this. He’ll get worse. I’d be telling him to take his cats and go.

Snapping at your DS may be forgivable in the moment but giving a child the silent treatment, ever, for any reason is abusive.

He is waving a red flag right in front of your eyes. If you’re not strong enough to leave him for you, leave him for the sake of your son.

Honestly that may be for the best having the cats rehomed, especially if they are timid house cats. Poor things will be having a heart attack especially if the dog ever barks or plays loudly. If his family have them then he can visit. Depending on how old cats are it may be a bit late in the day for them to just like or lump the dog.

I say that as a dog person.

No I don’t think he did it on purpose.

Men who sulk are incredibly unsexy. Sulking at something a child has done makes it even worse. Tell your DP that he'll be out on his ear if he ever does it again.

I'd give him a warning - if he does this again he can take his cats and fuck off!

I’m 40 and I still make mistakes/am occasionally careless. Unless you think he did it on purpose?

I would be telling him to live out as it’s not working

your poor child

8 year olds aren't mature enough to be responsible for the safety of a pet. Did your ds have the rules list before the dp came along or did he help you write it?