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AIBU?

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Original poster

Scolding DS's accident

236 replies

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:51

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

OP posts:
Victoria39 · 06/08/2025 09:10

HarryVanderspeigle · 06/08/2025 08:44

You say you knew there would be an adjustment period for the pets, but not the child. How has he been considered in all of this?

Totally. This is the only country in the world that seems to value animals over children. its evidenced everywhere including are justice system - look at the pitiful jail sentences child abusers get 😡

But people will demand whole life sentences if a person harms a animal. 🙄

children must always come before animals

whistlesandbells · 06/08/2025 09:05

6 years in and my DH parents his children completely. I am friendly, polite, take an interest in step son (and older step daughter). I have conversations about the parenting when it could affect me in private with their father. I stay in my lane. Your partner should not be “parenting” your son like this. He has no experience, right etc.

Shitwithsugar · 06/08/2025 09:04

It seems that the OP is giving us the silent treatment

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 06/08/2025 08:59

(Not necessarily you, @ellie09. You still have a chance to put it right for your son)

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 06/08/2025 08:58

Yes, it infuriates me too. Going on and on about how they looooove their children, they're the whole world to them, they'd never do anything to hurt them, and then subjecting them to this sort of man in their own home that should be their safe space.

BlackCatsForever · 06/08/2025 08:54

Victoria39 · 06/08/2025 08:26

why so many British women move random men into their kids homes? Whats what with you? His own dad wasn’t good enough so he left or you told him to leave.

So why on earth have you moved in a man that’s not even his real dad?

this will get worse. also You don’t know what this man will say or do to you child when you’re not there.

if your that desperate for a man you can see him but don’t need to live with him.

put your child first.

Show quote history

This, to be honest. Nearly everyone on the thread (except for one strange outlier) have told OP to move him out.

She won’t though because if her child was really her priority she wouldn’t have moved him in in the first place.

I can’t express much I despise these people who prioritise their relationships over their children.

PS children are most likely to suffer abuse in the home at the hands of an unrelated male.

gavisconismyfriend · 06/08/2025 08:49

It is the silent treatment that would worry me. That just isn’t a reasonable adult response to a child making a legitimate mistake. It is bullying. Your DS has lived his eight years where presumably leaving a door open didn’t matter, it is inevitable he’ll sometimes forget. He is 8 and being bullied by the man you have brought into his home. If, after a conversation DH doesn’t see the issue with this, I’d be rehoming “DH” never mind his cats.

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 06/08/2025 08:48

If OP has already written about this man previously then this should be the last straw.

But it very likely won't be.

endofthelinefinally · 06/08/2025 08:46

HarryVanderspeigle · 06/08/2025 08:44

You say you knew there would be an adjustment period for the pets, but not the child. How has he been considered in all of this?

The child seems to be at the bottom of the list of priorities.

HarryVanderspeigle · 06/08/2025 08:44

You say you knew there would be an adjustment period for the pets, but not the child. How has he been considered in all of this?

BlackCatsForever · 06/08/2025 08:39

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:21

Silent treatment is not good but it’s not good enough to simply forget to do it when the animals could pose a danger to each other, especially as the dog sounds hyper and bounded up. Not judging I have a dog who is similar. The partner did right to tell off the son however silent treatment is ridiculous and it sounds like OP and her partner need to sit down communicate and discuss the type of discipline that should be used for the son.

Show quote history

The solution was not to move him and the animals in in the first place. The poor cats, it must be so stressful for them and of course it’s going to be hard for a kid to always remember to keep the dog contained when it’s never been before. We got a new rescue cat after our previous cat died and we had to keep her in for the first month while she settled in - it’s was hard to always remember and we had a few incidents where she escaped. And we are adults.

As for using the silent treatment on a wee boy for being forgetful… words fail me. And then your response is to do the silent treatment on him creating a worse atmosphere - how does that help your son? Prioritise your child and move the boyfriend and his cats out before things get any worse.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 06/08/2025 08:33

simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 07:14

Also being autistic doesn’t mean you can’t remember not to open or shut doors, I am autistic and never had this issue as an 8 yr old. Being autistic doesn’t mean automatically don’t tell off child for doing something wrong

I have a puppy. She’s not allowed upstairs.
Sometimes I forget to shut the stair gate and she goes upstairs.
People forget things. Adults and children.

Victoria39 · 06/08/2025 08:30

PolyVagalNerve · 05/08/2025 21:54

2 months in and he is scolding …

poor kid

nip this in the bud now, and he can’t accept he’s crossed a line, then throw him out - protect your kid,

Totally. I have several kids ranging in various ages! and even if I chucked out their daft bit loveable dad I would never move a random man in. It is not natural and so messy. Kids don’t want random men in their homes. There mums are selfish or want some kind of “status “ of having a man 🙄

Victoria39 · 06/08/2025 08:27

RCJJ · 05/08/2025 21:57

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Totally

this will get worse. I have no respect for women who move men into their kids homes. It is so messy and never suits the kids…

Victoria39 · 06/08/2025 08:26

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:51

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

why so many British women move random men into their kids homes? Whats what with you? His own dad wasn’t good enough so he left or you told him to leave.

So why on earth have you moved in a man that’s not even his real dad?

this will get worse. also You don’t know what this man will say or do to you child when you’re not there.

if your that desperate for a man you can see him but don’t need to live with him.

put your child first.

Absentmindedsmile · 06/08/2025 08:22

Amanitacae · 06/08/2025 08:15

This feels really dark. The silent treatment is him asserting alpha status over your son (do as I say or you will be punished with removal of your social privileges in the house).

He doesn’t love your son. Why would you have him damage him.

Your poor son already dealing with huge change, and now being made to feel unwelcome in his own home.

💯

Absentmindedsmile · 06/08/2025 08:21

tinytemper66 · 06/08/2025 08:16

Can his aunt rehouse him?

Show quote history

😆 Quite.

simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 08:18

ReceiveMyPurpleParsnip · 06/08/2025 08:03

I’m autistic too, with autistic children. Maturity levels can be a little lower than in neurotypical children at this age - but that’s not the point.

The issue isn’t whether the child did something wrong - he did forget, and he should have been reminded about why it was so important to close the door.

The issue is whether the OPs boyfriend reacted badly. Which he clearly did.

This continued focus on whether the child did something wrong makes it seem like you think a grown man giving the silent treatment, stomping around the house, sulking, and being passive aggressive to a child, was a totally reasonable reaction and the child deserved it. Do you think this was a good way for a grown man to act?

Show quote history

Did I say that? I already said in previous posts scolding him was fine the silent treatment was not

Mumofsoontobe3 · 06/08/2025 08:16

It's really no big deal. Accidents happen - I have a heavy cat who can jump up on the door handle and open it. Also cats can climb and jump, very high and they have incredible danger awareness. No harm done. No need at all in the silent treatment he's 8 years old!!
I was terrified my cat would get eaten by my neighbours German Shepard and so was my neighbour. She sent me a pic back in June of my cat lying on her dog bed in the garden sunbathing and the dog just lay on the ground next to him, neither bothered by the other. Neither had been socialised with the other breed. They learn and adapt. Your partner is being really cruel!

tinytemper66 · 06/08/2025 08:16

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 22:36

Re. The pet situation. My dog is fine and lived with a cat previously. Albeit she is a bit hyper the first 30 seconds, then calms down.

The issue is that his cats are house cats (have been for two years) and are incredibly timid as used to living with just him. Theyve had no interaction with dogs/outside etc.

DP said he would see how it goes for the first 6 months or so, but if his cats are still as timid/scared, his aunt is willing to rehome them at her house (we are hoping it doesnt come to that, as we obviously both love our pets).

Show quote history

Can his aunt rehouse him?

Amanitacae · 06/08/2025 08:15

This feels really dark. The silent treatment is him asserting alpha status over your son (do as I say or you will be punished with removal of your social privileges in the house).

He doesn’t love your son. Why would you have him damage him.

Your poor son already dealing with huge change, and now being made to feel unwelcome in his own home.

PollyBell · 06/08/2025 08:14

Why did he have to move in andxwhy does your son have to put up with him seems the endless questions of new partners being moved in

Absentmindedsmile · 06/08/2025 08:10

Your ‘DP’ needs to get out of your house ASAP. Your poor son.

Katemax82 · 06/08/2025 08:10

My stepson at that age forgot to shut his bedroom door when we got a new puppy and she shat in his room. I was really annoyed and threw the shit bag angrily out the back door, where it his the wall of the house next door and exploded. That was my lesson in not being a dick about kids being forgetful as I had to clean it up

PrincessJasmine1 · 06/08/2025 08:07

Put your child first, not your partner's animals...

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