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AIBU?

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Original poster

Scolding DS's accident

236 replies

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:51

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

OP posts:
Zempy · 06/08/2025 11:40

Off he fucks.

TheSaddestSong · 06/08/2025 11:39

ellie09 · 06/08/2025 11:00

DP and I talked this morning before DS got up and he said he feels bad, as he over reacted and it was just an accident.

He went and apologised to DS this morning and told DS that he was out of line and that he was very sorry for his behaviour.

I have told DP that this behaviour will not be tolerated any longer and that he is the adult and needs to lead by example.

Just to add, DS already had his rules set in place before DP moved in, so this isnt anything new for DS. I just had to make DP aware of the rules for DS.

So he is staying? These men often apologise, but they always do it again. He’ll do it again, apologise, you’ll let it go, excusing it like you have this time and the cycle will continue. Your poor son, you have let him down.

Absentmindedsmile · 06/08/2025 11:31

Oh no. I’m sorry OP, he’s an abusive man. Domestic abuse isn’t always physical violence.

I’m sure you need help from somebody -do you have good friends or close family?

mraladdinsir · 06/08/2025 11:29

Poor wee boy. Poor you too. Not a nice situation for anyone. I know he’s apologised but that wouldn’t be enough for me. Any man who can use silent treatment on a child, my child, even once would be out of my house I’m afraid. I feel bad for you as it’s a huge upheaval, but this man has shown he is not good for your son. Be the amazing mum you are - you came on here asking for advice so you already made the best decision possible - checking for your son. Please ask him to move out and either go back to dating without your child being involved, or end it altogether.

SeagullFreeZone · 06/08/2025 11:27

It’s just depressing.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/08/2025 11:26

Absentmindedsmile · 06/08/2025 11:23

Where did OP say those things??

Show quote history

Over several previous threads.

https://www.mumsnet.com/search/advanced#/?username=ellie09&type=op&topics=&page=1&sort=_search

Absentmindedsmile · 06/08/2025 11:23

anytipswelcome · 06/08/2025 11:08

This man, who you chose to move into your home with your little boy:

Gives your eight year old child the silent treatment after scolding him

Stomps around sulking

Told you that if you went back to the weight you were when you had a borderline eating disorder he “wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off” you (when ironically he is obese)

Told you you have “mum boobs”

Said when you were trying to lose weight that he “can wait to see the benefits” and for them to be “firmer” (you broke up with him for this but only briefly unfortunately)

Tells you anyone who went to your uni is “stupid” then admits saying it “to wind you up” as if that’s ok

Went through a phase of messaging “significantly younger” women he had previously dated while with you

Snores so loudly you can hear it from a different floor but won’t do anything about it

Goes back to random drunk women’s houses for takeaways

Your son has ADHD and ASD.

What the actual fuck are you thinking inflicting this man on him? It’s so unbelievably foolish and utterly selfish of you.

Your poor little boy.

Where did OP say those things??

anytipswelcome · 06/08/2025 11:19

@ellie09

If you read back the list I wrote (and that’s only the things you’ve told us in your multiple threads about this awful relationship) do you really, honestly think that being in this relationship (let alone living with him) is in the best interests of your child?

You can’t do. So why are you choosing to do it?

Your poor son.

GoldPoster · 06/08/2025 11:17

All these people on here caring more about the pets than the boy, you need to take a look at yourselves.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 06/08/2025 11:11

Radiatorsa · 06/08/2025 11:09

Poor boy.
He doesn't have a chan e does he.

Show quote history

The worst thing is, he’s learning to treat women (and children) the way that his mum’s partner treats them. That’s his role model.

Radiatorsa · 06/08/2025 11:09

anytipswelcome · 06/08/2025 11:08

This man, who you chose to move into your home with your little boy:

Gives your eight year old child the silent treatment after scolding him

Stomps around sulking

Told you that if you went back to the weight you were when you had a borderline eating disorder he “wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off” you (when ironically he is obese)

Told you you have “mum boobs”

Said when you were trying to lose weight that he “can wait to see the benefits” and for them to be “firmer” (you broke up with him for this but only briefly unfortunately)

Tells you anyone who went to your uni is “stupid” then admits saying it “to wind you up” as if that’s ok

Went through a phase of messaging “significantly younger” women he had previously dated while with you

Snores so loudly you can hear it from a different floor but won’t do anything about it

Goes back to random drunk women’s houses for takeaways

Your son has ADHD and ASD.

What the actual fuck are you thinking inflicting this man on him? It’s so unbelievably foolish and utterly selfish of you.

Your poor little boy.

Poor boy.
He doesn't have a chan e does he.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 06/08/2025 11:09

anytipswelcome · 06/08/2025 11:08

This man, who you chose to move into your home with your little boy:

Gives your eight year old child the silent treatment after scolding him

Stomps around sulking

Told you that if you went back to the weight you were when you had a borderline eating disorder he “wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off” you (when ironically he is obese)

Told you you have “mum boobs”

Said when you were trying to lose weight that he “can wait to see the benefits” and for them to be “firmer” (you broke up with him for this but only briefly unfortunately)

Tells you anyone who went to your uni is “stupid” then admits saying it “to wind you up” as if that’s ok

Went through a phase of messaging “significantly younger” women he had previously dated while with you

Snores so loudly you can hear it from a different floor but won’t do anything about it

Goes back to random drunk women’s houses for takeaways

Your son has ADHD and ASD.

What the actual fuck are you thinking inflicting this man on him? It’s so unbelievably foolish and utterly selfish of you.

Your poor little boy.

Fuck me OP, your bar is so low it’s in the gutter.

Radiatorsa · 06/08/2025 11:08

Your poor son.
Another childhood destroyed because the boyfriend was the priority.

anytipswelcome · 06/08/2025 11:08

This man, who you chose to move into your home with your little boy:

Gives your eight year old child the silent treatment after scolding him

Stomps around sulking

Told you that if you went back to the weight you were when you had a borderline eating disorder he “wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off” you (when ironically he is obese)

Told you you have “mum boobs”

Said when you were trying to lose weight that he “can wait to see the benefits” and for them to be “firmer” (you broke up with him for this but only briefly unfortunately)

Tells you anyone who went to your uni is “stupid” then admits saying it “to wind you up” as if that’s ok

Went through a phase of messaging “significantly younger” women he had previously dated while with you

Snores so loudly you can hear it from a different floor but won’t do anything about it

Goes back to random drunk women’s houses for takeaways

Your son has ADHD and ASD.

What the actual fuck are you thinking inflicting this man on him? It’s so unbelievably foolish and utterly selfish of you.

Your poor little boy.

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/08/2025 11:03

TheOccupier · 05/08/2025 21:55

It would be in the best interests of both your DS and your boyfriend's cats if he moved back out ASAP.

This. How dare he?

Original poster
ellie09 · 06/08/2025 11:00

DP and I talked this morning before DS got up and he said he feels bad, as he over reacted and it was just an accident.

He went and apologised to DS this morning and told DS that he was out of line and that he was very sorry for his behaviour.

I have told DP that this behaviour will not be tolerated any longer and that he is the adult and needs to lead by example.

Just to add, DS already had his rules set in place before DP moved in, so this isnt anything new for DS. I just had to make DP aware of the rules for DS.

OP posts:
hmmimnotsurewhy · 06/08/2025 10:45

Another selfish mother, all for her man and her poor child just gets thrown aside.

hmmimnotsurewhy · 06/08/2025 10:44

What are you even asking? Be a good mother and send this man back to his home.
how can you accept this?
and bringing more pets into your child’s home and expecting your child to manage the rules around it.

you are the red flag here to your child. Choose your child, not a man.

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 06/08/2025 10:32

I don't think it's sex. It's a need for companionship and/or someone to help shoulder financial responsibilities. Understandable to a degree but my god some people really create horrible situations for themselves and their children.

howshouldibehave · 06/08/2025 10:23

This isn't working-your poor son.

Why do some people put their sex lives and own convenience ahead of everything else :(

Ablondiebutagoody · 06/08/2025 09:55

Jesus. Why are you doing this to your child?

Absentmindedsmile · 06/08/2025 09:47

endofthelinefinally · 06/08/2025 08:46

The child seems to be at the bottom of the list of priorities.

Show quote history

They almost always are in ‘blended families’.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/08/2025 09:33

"However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc."
Silent treatment, stomping, sulking - really?

It's been two months. It's not working. I would tell DP he needs to move back out ASAP.

Goodadvice1980 · 06/08/2025 09:14

OP please put your son first. Silent treatment is inappropriate.

I agree with previous posters, some women really do prioritise a random dick over their own children’s well being. Don’t be that parent.

Bingbangboo · 06/08/2025 09:14

You are setting impossibly high standards for yourselves to always behave perfectly and never forget to shut gates and doors. You are all only human and there will be a time there's someone at the door, you rush to answer a phone ringing etc when you will forget. If your dog and his cats cannot be around each other then something has to change. It isn't fair to expect your son to never make a mistake when you have chosen to throw incompatible animals in together under one roof. Assuming you don't think he let the dog out on purpose, he shouldn't have been punished at all.