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AIBU?

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Original poster

On phone in stationary traffic

281 replies

Charttopper · 05/08/2025 21:37

NC for this. I'm wondering if any legal folk have advice or whether you all think IABU.

A few weeks ago I was stopped at traffic lights for some time in standstill traffic so I briefly picked up my phone to look at a message that had come through. I was on my own with my baby in the back. Suddenly I was aware of something to my right and when I turned, there was a man in a high vis jacket on a bicycle, stopped right next to my door, and bending down to stare at me through my window. He didn't engage, just stared straight at me for what felt like an age. His position meant that I couldn't get out of the car and it felt very intimidating. I didn't know what his intentions were, or what he'd do next.

He then cycled off ahead and stopped by the windows of one or two other drivers and did the same thing. I felt quite shaken by the experience.

I later learned that he either reported me or was an undercover policeman as he had filmed me on my phone with his helmet camera.

I have now received 6 points and a £200 fine. I accept that the law states that checking your phone including when stationary is an offence so I am not disputing that there should be a consequence.

However, I can't help but feel that 6 points is a disproportionate punishment given that I was stationary and not actually causing risk. If I was moving it would be a different matter but I was not driving without due care and attention, i was stationary with the break on.

Secondly, the method of capturing this footage - a man staring into a woman's car, on her own with a baby, and instilling fear and blocking her in surely is not acceptable?

Can I challenge any of this?

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 05/08/2025 22:32

BetweenTwoFerns · 05/08/2025 22:30

I do. I think looking for something in your handbag at the lights isn’t something you should be doing either.

Show quote history

I think that is different to a phone though. I have rummaged through a bag at lights, but I was using my hand to feel for things. I was not looking into my bag.

You can't use your phone without looking at it.

InWalksBarberalla · 05/08/2025 22:31

UrbanOasis · 05/08/2025 22:04

All the people saying it's the law. Yes it is. But any reasonable person also knows that checking your phone while you are stuck in traffic and not moving is risk free.

They should also know it comes with the risk of a fine and points deduction and not whine if they get caught.

saveforthat · 05/08/2025 22:31

As well as not paying attention to lights etc. There is also the possibility that a text message could contain bad news and make someone upset and or angry.

tinyspiny · 05/08/2025 22:30

YABU , just pay up and leave your phone in the back of the car in future , I also don’t see how it’s scary to be stared at by a cyclist when you are in a big metal box that you can lock the doors on .

BetweenTwoFerns · 05/08/2025 22:30

cyvguhb · 05/08/2025 22:21

So for example I might be looking for something in my handbag while at the lights, exactly the same scenario could play out, do you think that is putting lives at risk?

Where are the studies that concluded a risk 1000 times greater?

Show quote history

I do. I think looking for something in your handbag at the lights isn’t something you should be doing either.

InWalksBarberalla · 05/08/2025 22:29

Wolfpinkola · 05/08/2025 21:44

He sounds like a little prick

What? He sounds like a traffic cop doing his job.
Just because the OP thinks being an overly dramatic lone woman with a baby in a car is some sort of exemption from breaking the law doesn't make this cop a prick.

ReplacementBusService · 05/08/2025 22:28

Probably, if you have found yourself on this thread arguing that it's fine to check messages on your phone whilst behind the wheel of a car, you should seek help. The messages can wait until you are no longer in charge of a huge metal potential killing machine. If "accidentally" checking messages is a thing in your life, similarly, you need help. There is life on the other side 🌅

Hibernatingtilspring · 05/08/2025 22:28

For the people saying you could be getting something out your bag, or changing the radio - I don't know about you but I find my handbag far less distracting than a phone! If you're staring at the radio for the length of time it takes you to read and reply to text messages or doom scroll on Facebook then you should probably rethink how you use that too.

Most cyclists wear cameras as protection for themselves. The fact that the OP didn't notice the cyclist filtering (which he's allowed to do) is a worry. It actually would have been more dangerous for the cyclist to carry on as if they had done, and she set off without checking her surroundings as tends to happen when people have been distracted, she could well have hit him.

But yes, it's the OP who's been intimidated, not the road user she put at risk. 🙄

PollyBell · 05/08/2025 22:28

So a woman knows something is wrong does it anyway and now a man is to blame? I would own it then move on and learn from it personally

ThinWomansBrain · 05/08/2025 22:28

what difference to having a baby in the car make?
other than it being another distraction.
Personally I'd have thought that you have a child in the car with you, you should pay more attention to safety and obeying the law.

ShesTheAlbatross · 05/08/2025 22:27

WhatMe123 · 05/08/2025 22:22

It is against the law not to use your phone at any time whilst driving but his behaviour was odd. Under cover police I wonder as on a bike is a great way to catch people like you at the lights

I wouldn’t have thought undercover police would do this. It’s an awful lot of cycling around on the off chance you’re next to the right car.

And they encourage the public to report anything they have on video https://www.westmidlands.police.uk/police-forces/west-midlands-police/areas/campaigns/campaigns/operation-snap/

TheVillageofLowerDenture · 05/08/2025 22:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

DameMargaretofChalfont · 05/08/2025 22:25

OMG!!!

Stop playing a poor little victim

"a man staring into a woman's car, on her own with a baby, and instilling fear and blocking her in surely is not acceptable?"

You broke the law.

Be a grown up and accept the consequences.

Gamerlady · 05/08/2025 22:25

You broke the law so deal with it .

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 05/08/2025 22:24

Wow. You go on your phone with your baby in the car 😳 Of course it doesn't matter if you're stationary, you're clearly distracted and it also slows traffic down as you won't be paying proper attention, it also causes accidents. That's really shocking behaviour, hope you get a massive fine.

RedRiverShore5 · 05/08/2025 22:23

Good, do it again and you will lose your licence

WhatMe123 · 05/08/2025 22:22

It is against the law not to use your phone at any time whilst driving but his behaviour was odd. Under cover police I wonder as on a bike is a great way to catch people like you at the lights

XenoBitch · 05/08/2025 22:22

Hibernatingtilspring · 05/08/2025 22:15

Cyclists and motorcyclists are particularly at risk from drivers doing this, as they can and do legally filter alongside stationary traffic and if you are on your phone whilst stationary then you won't have been paying attention to what else is happening while you've been waiting, and your less likely to see the lights change quickly, and therefore less likely to check your mirrors or blind spots before you set off - ie more likely to miss a cyclist or motorbike

It isn't risk free, it's high risk. Hence the points and fine.

This.
Before the laws came in about phones and driving, my mum was a nightmare. Phone to ear whilst driving, texting whilst driving. Always getting beeped at at traffic lights because she had not seen them change to green
And yep, a car might be stationary but folks on bikes are still going past and you need to be aware of them... and pedestrians etc It is like no one has taken a hazard perception test ever 😂

ClassicalQueen · 05/08/2025 22:21

No there is no way you can dispute this, you broke the law and were in a public place with no expectation of privacy so it is completely legal to film you (including inside your vehicle).

cyvguhb · 05/08/2025 22:21

samarrange · 05/08/2025 21:55

The driver is meant to be paying attention to the traffic situation at all times, including when stopped.

For example, say the lights start to change and the driver misses them going from red to red-and-amber, thus also missing the chance to get mentally prepared for them to go green. She looks up, sees the lights are now green (maybe under even more pressure after just being honked from behind), jettisons her phone, and sets off. But some pedestrian coming from the right decided to try and scuttle across the road just after the pedestrian light went red. The driver's complete lack of situational awareness means she is a thousand times more likely to hit that pedestrian. Had she been watching the road, the pedestrian would just have received a muttered FFS from the driver, not a broken pelvis.

Show quote history

So for example I might be looking for something in my handbag while at the lights, exactly the same scenario could play out, do you think that is putting lives at risk?

Where are the studies that concluded a risk 1000 times greater?

SeagullFreeZone · 05/08/2025 22:21

and if you are on your phone whilst stationary then you won't have been paying attention to what else is happening

Precisely.
The op didn’t even notice the cyclist beside her in traffic until he stopped right beside her.

tinytemper66 · 05/08/2025 22:20

You broke the law…

JackRobinson · 05/08/2025 22:19

I don't know why people on this thread are pretending they cant discern that there are two separate issues here: the OP using her phone in the car, which is illegal, and the vigilante cyclist filming her doing so in a twattish way. Even just saying "I'm filming you using your phone by the way" would have made the exchange less unsettling. The fact that he chooses to sidle up to stationary cars and stare intently and silently at the drivers tells me that he's far less concerned about road safety (is his attention fully on the road when he's searching for and staring down drivers?) than he is about virtue-signalling and feeling powerful.
I hate vigilante justice, even when the guilty party is actually guilty. It's always, always about the vigilante feeling morally superior, and never about the actual act being committed. Stationary cars are just an easy target for him.

LemonLadder · 05/08/2025 22:19

OP this exact thing happened to me. Once the initial shock had worn off, I was so relieved. I had not hurt anybody or got into an accident. I’m almost near the end of my points expiring and have not touched my phone in the car since that day.

I regularly am grateful for that fine and points, because it has meant that I will never use my phone whilst driving a car ever again. Being on a phone for a split second can lead to injury and death. That would lead to hideous consequences for others and for yourself.

I hope that this is as much as deterrent for you as it was for me. I made a mistake and was lucky enough to be ‘punished’ before someone got hurt.

Hibernatingtilspring · 05/08/2025 22:19

Genuinely find it a bit scary how many people in the thread think there is no risk. Did you driving instructors not teach you to keep an eye on your mirrors and what's happening around you, even when stationary or in slow moving traffic?