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AIBU?

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Original poster

On phone in stationary traffic

281 replies

Charttopper · 05/08/2025 21:37

NC for this. I'm wondering if any legal folk have advice or whether you all think IABU.

A few weeks ago I was stopped at traffic lights for some time in standstill traffic so I briefly picked up my phone to look at a message that had come through. I was on my own with my baby in the back. Suddenly I was aware of something to my right and when I turned, there was a man in a high vis jacket on a bicycle, stopped right next to my door, and bending down to stare at me through my window. He didn't engage, just stared straight at me for what felt like an age. His position meant that I couldn't get out of the car and it felt very intimidating. I didn't know what his intentions were, or what he'd do next.

He then cycled off ahead and stopped by the windows of one or two other drivers and did the same thing. I felt quite shaken by the experience.

I later learned that he either reported me or was an undercover policeman as he had filmed me on my phone with his helmet camera.

I have now received 6 points and a £200 fine. I accept that the law states that checking your phone including when stationary is an offence so I am not disputing that there should be a consequence.

However, I can't help but feel that 6 points is a disproportionate punishment given that I was stationary and not actually causing risk. If I was moving it would be a different matter but I was not driving without due care and attention, i was stationary with the break on.

Secondly, the method of capturing this footage - a man staring into a woman's car, on her own with a baby, and instilling fear and blocking her in surely is not acceptable?

Can I challenge any of this?

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 05/08/2025 23:32

SheSpeaks · 05/08/2025 22:02

You lose your license instantly if you are caught doing this in the two years after you pass your test.

License gone, straight away, no second chances.

My phone is in the boot.

Blimey. You really don't trust yourself, do you!

Mine's just in my bag on the passenger seat/floor. All my family and friends know I don't answer calls or texts until I've finished my journey.

redrose115 · 05/08/2025 23:28

The posts that are saying you can’t check your phone and it is risk free - you can make that decision and do whatever you want.

That decision has consequences and if a poor decision is made and someone is harmed or killed because of it, or the person is caught by the police, the consequences are yours to deal with. So you do have choices but you may not like the aftermath.

Original poster
Charttopper · 05/08/2025 23:27

Thank you to those who have offered balanced and considered responses. Many of you have given me food for thought.

And a big thanks to those who have offered solidarity against some of the shirtier replies 😂.

I think on balance maybe the fine and points is warranted although as some of you have pointed out, there are elements of the law that don't make sense i.e. I could have read that message on my car touch screen, whilst actually driving, and it would have been legal - and far more dangerous. And I could have been speeding but got less when stationary. But that's the law as so many of you have pointed out.

I still think the cyclist was an arsehole though. He could have communicated to me, one of you said the police or this Mikey bloke engages with the driver. Yes I was in a car that was lockable, but you don't think that straight when there's a stranger in that close proximity to you, with your baby in the back. I didn't know what he was doing, he could have been blocking my door to allow someone to get my baby out the back, all things go through your mind when you don't know what's going on.

OP posts:
YeOldy · 05/08/2025 23:26

SeagullFreeZone · 05/08/2025 23:05

When I was a child drink driving was considered to be acceptable.
Now it’s not and rightly so.
There may come a time in the future when mobile phone use when driving will become equally unacceptable.

How old are you? (Roughly!). I ask because I’m in my 60s and when I was a teen drink driving definitely wasn’t acceptable. I know more people did it then but it wasn’t acceptable.

MissSophiaGrace · 05/08/2025 23:24

I don't have an issue with what the cyclist did - you broke the law.

You feel that the punishment is excessive but presumably you had the option to present your case in court?. That was your opportunity to have your say.

wanttokickoffbutcant · 05/08/2025 23:22

Charttopper · 05/08/2025 21:37

NC for this. I'm wondering if any legal folk have advice or whether you all think IABU.

A few weeks ago I was stopped at traffic lights for some time in standstill traffic so I briefly picked up my phone to look at a message that had come through. I was on my own with my baby in the back. Suddenly I was aware of something to my right and when I turned, there was a man in a high vis jacket on a bicycle, stopped right next to my door, and bending down to stare at me through my window. He didn't engage, just stared straight at me for what felt like an age. His position meant that I couldn't get out of the car and it felt very intimidating. I didn't know what his intentions were, or what he'd do next.

He then cycled off ahead and stopped by the windows of one or two other drivers and did the same thing. I felt quite shaken by the experience.

I later learned that he either reported me or was an undercover policeman as he had filmed me on my phone with his helmet camera.

I have now received 6 points and a £200 fine. I accept that the law states that checking your phone including when stationary is an offence so I am not disputing that there should be a consequence.

However, I can't help but feel that 6 points is a disproportionate punishment given that I was stationary and not actually causing risk. If I was moving it would be a different matter but I was not driving without due care and attention, i was stationary with the break on.

Secondly, the method of capturing this footage - a man staring into a woman's car, on her own with a baby, and instilling fear and blocking her in surely is not acceptable?

Can I challenge any of this?

I was lucky that this happened to me before this law came in......when my daughter was at primary school I left work at 2.45 for a 3.15 pick up. Journey should be 20 minutes. Got stuck in a jam as a cyclist had been hit by a car and all routes closed. I had not moved at all for 20 minutes and a policeman knocked on my window and said he said to get off my phone - I was in tears and said my 5 year old was going to be waiting for me and I was frantically trying to arrange for someone to collect her. I had turned off the engine and put on the handbrake so essentially parked. Policeman was actually great, just said get out of the car and he would tell other cars to go round me until I had sorted it out. I got home at 7.30 and sadly the cyclist died. I now put my phone in my bag on do not disturb while driving.

Ballardz · 05/08/2025 23:22

I fully get that it’s annoying and frustrating to get caught checking your phone in a risk free moment, but claiming that you felt threatened because the cyclist was a man is a pathetic excuse and only goes to minimise the real threat that women face by dangerous men.

And it doesn’t change the fact that you checked your phone.

YeOldy · 05/08/2025 23:21

OP.
Secondly, the method of capturing this footage - a man staring into a woman's car, on her own with a baby, and instilling fear and blocking her in surely is not acceptable? Really? 🫣This sounds very dramatic.

I’m amazed how many people still use their phones while driving and whilst in stationary traffic. There’s no way people don’t know that it’s not allowed.

CallMeFlo · 05/08/2025 23:18

InWalksBarberalla · 05/08/2025 23:15

Fair enough - but the OP had said he'd might have been an undercover policeman. And in my area the police do operations like this focusing on mobile phone use whilst driving from time to time - they get heaps every time.

Show quote history

Yes but not by peering in windows, filming the driver & cycling off without so much as speaking to them

CallMeFlo · 05/08/2025 23:17

Laura95167 · 05/08/2025 23:13

"He reported me or was an undercover policeman"

Show quote history

He wasnt an undercover police officer. A plain clothes police officer wouldnt film her then report it. He would identify himself as a police officer Issue the ticket and submit the footage as evidence.

He was clearly one of a growing number of cyclists reporting drivers

Hickorydickorydoc · 05/08/2025 23:16

BetweenTwoFerns · 05/08/2025 22:30

I do. I think looking for something in your handbag at the lights isn’t something you should be doing either.

Show quote history

This is true. Years ago I once set off to work - as a fairly new young driver back then - and whilst in very slow moving traffic jam I realised I didn't think I had my purse. I rummaged around for it in my bag on the passenger seat. Drove (slowly albeit) into the back of the car in front!

I once saw a car at red traffic lights rolling backwards while the driver stared at their phone, not even noticing they hadn't put their brake on properly.

cheesycheesy · 05/08/2025 23:16

You did the crime, pay up

InWalksBarberalla · 05/08/2025 23:15

CallMeFlo · 05/08/2025 23:00

@Laura95167
@InWalksBarberalla

He wasnt a police officer. He was a cyclist, member of the public

Fair enough - but the OP had said he'd might have been an undercover policeman. And in my area the police do operations like this focusing on mobile phone use whilst driving from time to time - they get heaps every time.

Summertimesun · 05/08/2025 23:14

I agree with you op. It’s a harsh penalty when speeding (which is far more dangerous) isn’t treated as firmly.
I hate the vigilante type policing too, it leads to wealthier villages being able to afford to police their area whilst poorer areas lose out.

Laura95167 · 05/08/2025 23:13

CallMeFlo · 05/08/2025 23:00

@Laura95167
@InWalksBarberalla

He wasnt a police officer. He was a cyclist, member of the public

"He reported me or was an undercover policeman"

Chompingatthebeat · 05/08/2025 23:12

CallMeFlo · 05/08/2025 23:11

Call me cynical but this is yet another thread which is guaranteed to get people frothing but never returns after the op

Especially odd for someone allegedly so glued to their phone they had to check it in the car 🤔

Theres a lot of threads like that recently

Or it could just be the 86% who think she ibu

CallMeFlo · 05/08/2025 23:11

Call me cynical but this is yet another thread which is guaranteed to get people frothing but never returns after the op

Especially odd for someone allegedly so glued to their phone they had to check it in the car 🤔

Theres a lot of threads like that recently

CalzoneOnLegs · 05/08/2025 23:09

Busted !

NewbieYou · 05/08/2025 23:07

He looked in your window. That’s not that intimidating - women are not pathetic maidens who can’t cope with someone looking in their car window. Particularly when a car is a massive, lockable weapon of a machine vs… a bike.

You broke the law and so you have to face the consequence.

Luckymama2014 · 05/08/2025 23:06

Oh my god, you are hilarious! You were caught and I say good on the man for catching you. Would you have felt better if it was a woman on the bike?!?

SeagullFreeZone · 05/08/2025 23:05

When I was a child drink driving was considered to be acceptable.
Now it’s not and rightly so.
There may come a time in the future when mobile phone use when driving will become equally unacceptable.

CallMeFlo · 05/08/2025 23:05

SeagullFreeZone · 05/08/2025 23:03

@CallMeFlo
Yes.
And he made a complaint to the police who accepted his evidence.

Yes im aware of that thank you. Ive read the thread.

The 2 posters I mentioned however have both made reference to the person taking the photo being a police officer. Im pointing out he wasnt.

Swirlythingy2025 · 05/08/2025 23:04

Nursingadvice · 05/08/2025 22:59

Sounds like cycling Mikey. He’s an utter prick.

but if the drivers were perfect etc

bethathome · 05/08/2025 23:04

I agree with you OP and further more, I’d bet at least 50% of the ‘perfect drivers’ on this thread will have done something similar at some point. So much virtue signalling, it’s hilarious. 😂

Having said that, what’s done is done so I think it’s best to just suck it up. We all make mistakes and this was yours.

DuesToTheDirt · 05/08/2025 23:03

ShesTheAlbatross · 05/08/2025 22:13

I find the law slightly incoherent here tbh. I don’t see why, if we’re banning someone picking up a phone at traffic lights, we don’t ban the inbuilt car touchscreens which you are allowed to use whenever you like to do a whole range of things (my understanding of the law is that it specifies handheld devices?). Are we pretending that that is safer than picking up a phone when stationary in a traffic light queue? I don’t believe that all the outraged people here never touch their car’s screen to flick through radio stations/find a song/read a text that comes up on the screen - I personally really don’t think it should be allowed for texts to come up on your car screen while you’re driving.

But OP, 6 points is the penalty. And it’s hardly a secret. So no, you can’t argue it. You did it.

I completely agree. We've just got a new car, our first with a touchscreen. I have no intention of using it for phone calls or reading texts, although that's legal - I did get it to read one text, while at traffic lights, and found it very distracting. But even setting the music on the touch screen takes too much attention, so I think I'm back to using the radio or selecting an album before I start off. (Flicking through radio stations is fine as I can use the button on the steering wheel, and it's a simple scroll through the stations.)