To consider how inheritance looks after marriage

Dh and I have mirror wills, everything to each other and 50/50 to the kids, BUT we have a big standard family set up.
However I now want to get advice as dd’s partner has other children and they have a child together, (her step kids do have another involved parents), and I want to ensure that our assets go to our grandchild and not her step kids (who are lovely, but they’re not of my family line).
You just can’t sleepwalk into these things.

My friend's mother died and left everything to her second husband. There was an 'expectation' that he would distribute money she brought to their marriage between my friend and her brothers.

However.... he said they'd already had enough out of him. He'd paid the mortgage and bills for the house they'd lived in as children and that was their lot. He'd been their step father for 30+ years. He gave them nothing.

You really can't trust anyone when it comes to large sums of money.

All goes to my DC and DH has life rent of house. My DC were teenagers when we married and my mortgage was just about paid off. I feel they deserve that as life was so hard growing up with a single parent working full time and little money for nice things.

(DH does have another property he'd probably move into once I'm gone. )

My dad and step mum have split equally between all children. They have been married over 40 years since all children were early primary age and have spent more or less equal time with all children. I think that’s fair.

I however met my partner when my children were much older and I hadn’t spent that much time with his child. Therefore my money is for my children and his if for his.

what I would never consider is what the children will inherit from their other parent. That’s of no relevance to our family, it’s entirely separate, the idea is that our wills for our family reflect what we want to happen in isolation

We have one child together and DH has a child from a previous marriage. If I die first - I own a separate house ie not the house that we live in and this is to be held in trust for our child that we have together. My DH would inherit everything else and then split that between his two biological children ie our child together and his child from a previous marriage.

If DH dies first I inherit everything and when I die it’s split as above - my house to the child we have together and everything else 50/50.

This reflects that his child will also inherit a house from her mum etc so is an attempt to make both children equal. However his child from a previous marriage will always be the wealthier of the two.

each situation is different and nuanced.

And sadly, what you also have to consider is divorce and how financially vulnerable you might be in that scenario.

I’ve had enough conversations with my parents to of seen where one spouse dies, and the other re marries, the original spouses children are not looked after. And I’ve seen it as I’ve got older in a few cases.

We have a watertight (I hope) Will in place , protecting our DC. While I’d be fine if my DH genuinely found a new connection if I died (I can’t imagine it for myself however), I would not want a single asset built by us to be giving them or the step child(ren) any benefit. They can bring their own to the table.

we organised it by speaking to a solicitor; discussing some of the questions/ scenarios raised that hadn’t occurred to us, and then giving them instruction.
protect your Dc

We have 5 children ( 3 from DH first marriage and 2 together). My SC inherited from their mother when she passed (after their 2 half siblings were born) so had the home that had been purchased by her following DH and her divorce using the assets agreed during that split. DH and I have wills that leave our estate 50% between all 5 and 50% between the youngest 2 only. If he pre deceases me, the full amount will obviously become mine and I will leave it in the split we have already agreed as I consider his DC to be my DC too.

However many DC you have you split your money between them. DH does the same. Meaning DC you share would get more. Other DC have another parent to inherit from. If you are bringing in a large amount of money I to the marriage protect it with a legally binding agreement that if you split up you get back deposit you brought into marriage.

Also by the time we die (hopefully) what we brought into the marriage will be less relevant as things ebb and flow in terms of finances I find

DH and I decided that our money will be shared between our children (both joint and separate) equally despite us bringing different amounts into the marriage as I don’t want the kids falling out over money when we die; I want them to pull together and support each other as siblings and not resent each other for one getting more than the other

I have 3 DC, DH has one. Our wills are the same in that each of them leave our half to all 4 DC equally with a lifetime trust to the surviving partner. DH could chose to leave his half soley to his DC but you have to trust that they won't, I can't see any other option.

I've voted YABU. Purely because you haven't written wills. It's just such a big thing to drop on all the kids and to not explicitly say what you want.

Well done OP fpr taking your friend's concerns and advice on board.

You have a very good friend.

All the children should have the same op, you created a family…don’t go rift it after your death.

I would be careful that all is written though. Otherwise all go to your spouse and then if he remaries?

I agree with this. I would never remarry. My DC inheritance will not be compromised.

The number of people who don’t make carefully thought through provision is unbelievable. Worst case scenario is DH inherits everything if you die first, then….he remarries, then dies and before you know it, a complete stranger (his new widow) inherits what you built up (together with her off spring). Please make very clear provision for YOUR children. I see this more often than you think. Hideous.

My mother gave me a substantial amount to put towards the purchase of our house, my DH then contributed to the mortgage for seven years, and he put a substantial amount of money into improvements when his mother died. I paid off the mortgage when my mother died. Since then any improvements, upkeep etc. have been funded from our joint pot.

We have agreed that, once we are both dead, the value of the house will go 25% to his family and 75% to mine, and that is what is in our wills. We each have children and grandchildren of our own and do not share any (except emotionally - we both love all of them).

I’m in a similar situation. I have a child I coparent, and one I sole parent with no partner.

My will has the child I’m half responsible for getting a half share compared to the one I’m fully responsible for getting a full share. (So a 2:1 split).

That seemed fair to me, although the co-parent reacted negatively when I told them (children are too young a this stage). They said I should just split equally, although of course that would mean the coparented child getting more when both of us have died.

I would note however, I spoke to a solicitor when drawing up my will and they said they’d not seem that type of split before, FWIW.

When my mum died 25 years ago, she left the family home to her new husband in the understanding that he would leave the house to all their shared children. Roll on the years, he has moved 4 times and we have not seen a penny from his downsizing. We hardly have any contact with him (I ring him once or twice a year, he sends an Xmas card and a birthday card). When he dies, we won't get anything. Ring-fence your children's inheritance.

Definitely get a good lawyer to talk things through with as there are situations you might not have considered - if something happens to you and your DH remarries, your children can be left out altogether for example.

My father got absolutely nothing from his parents as his dad remarried and she was terrible. When his dad passed away she handed all the money over to her own child and threw away all my dad's old baby photos and such. Dramatic example but it's something that could have been avoided if my grandfather had thought about it ahead of time.

We own as tenants in common with lifetime interest, my half goes my dc, (this forms most of my estate as I have a small final salary pension which dh would get the spouse survivor pension of, and the rest goes to him but isn’t significant, £70k currently) his half of the house is in his estate, of which £325k goes to his dd tax free then the rest to me, currently that’s about £600k but we are really hoping that there won’t be much left by the time it gets activated!

I have two kids, my husband none. We are tenants-in-common of our house, and our Wills leave our share to be divided between my kids, with a life interest to the surviving spouse (via a legally drawn up trust, with independent trustees, and with all kinds of conditions about maintaining the place, renting it out, selling and downsizing…). I am well aware that my husband could change his mind if I die before him and leave his share elsewhere, but recognise that’s his right, even if I don’t like it. My other assets - a few quid and an old banger, in reality, but there’s always that Lottery win! - are divided between my kids and my savings are held separately to my husband’s.

I also have step-grandchildren and a birth-grandchild, and my Will is clear: if either or both of my sons predecease me, their share goes to my birth grandchild, for all the reasons others have given: my step-grandkids have a whole other family to look out for them.