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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - no card?

257 replies

Inpaineveryday · 05/08/2025 19:22

Had my wedding last weekend - several friends didn’t even write us a nice card. I’m gutted and suddenly feel very unaware/naive about those friendships. 4 of these people I would have classed as close friends. Am I reading in to this? I wouldn’t dream of turning up to a wedding without at least giving a card congratulating the couple? Isn’t that basic etiquette, let alone what you would do as the minimum for a friend? One of these friends I’m particularly gutted about as I’ve really been there when times were hard for her. Even bought her Christmas food shop and presents for her child when she had not a single penny. A decade of friendship and not even a card? I don’t even know what to think, or am I just being sensitive?

OP posts:
Original poster
Inpaineveryday · 05/08/2025 21:18

The veiled digs of ‘I would just be happy they came’ 🙄 I think we all know it’s not about the physical card. It’s the sentiment or thought it implies for the person in their life. It costs 99p for a card and is a minimal effort you should be able to expect from people supposedly closest to you and who you’ve certainly, and consistently done more for.

OP posts:
PestoHoliday · 05/08/2025 21:17

10 years ago cards were still pretty common but in the last 5 or 6 years they've become something only older people do in my experience. I don't think I've had a card from someone under 30 in quite a while. My niece said only the relatives ver 45 gave her cards at her wedding.

AvidJadeShaker · 05/08/2025 21:13

It wouldn’t bother me, my friends turning up to share my big day is worth more than a million cards.

Liliwen · 05/08/2025 21:13

SheSpeaks · 05/08/2025 21:12

I have never given a card to anyone at a wedding.

I did not know there was any expectation I should bring a card and I’m not sure how bringing a card to such an event would even work.

It works quite easily, you just bring it along with you.

have you given gifts at weddings you’ve been to? Or just turned up empty handed?

SheSpeaks · 05/08/2025 21:12

I have never given a card to anyone at a wedding.

I did not know there was any expectation I should bring a card and I’m not sure how bringing a card to such an event would even work.

CoralOP · 05/08/2025 21:11

Yes cards are being fazed out but it's disgusting to go to a wedding without a gift or card!
You don't show up empty handed even if the couple has said gifts aren't necessary. A card is an absolute minimum effort.

Original poster
Inpaineveryday · 05/08/2025 21:11

@lostmyearringsagaini have been starting to think that the fact we didn’t mention gifts in our invite might be why! And that’s ok as we didn’t want gifts. We have all we need and we saved for our honeymoon as part of our overall costs

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BasicBrumble · 05/08/2025 21:10

I would genuinely look into whether there's a chance some have gone missing or been stolen, as I think it's odd for that many people not to bother.

TheShyMumX · 05/08/2025 21:09

I work at a card shop
unsure how it’s still going!

  • pensioners buy cards for everyone for all occasions
  • younger people for the first few mothers/Father’s Day
  • new couples for valentines
that’s about it really, it’s mainly the oldies, younger people don’t seem to do cards
Original poster
Inpaineveryday · 05/08/2025 21:09

@Hankunamatatano not reevaluating just can’t quite ignore something so blatantly off and different in their behaviour to other weddings I’ve attended with them. Time, yes, money, perhaps on petrol or outfits but I haven’t asked them to buy a new outfit. Transport was put on, free bar, all food covered and accommodation too for as many as the hotel could provide which was very nearly everyone. My friend is even gluten free so I asked for my cake to be! It wasn’t a huge number in attendance. I’m not unreasonable - I did of course consider the cost of attending a wedding but genuinely we are lucky we could cover 95% of costs for people. Children were also welcome so no need for sitters.

OP posts:
lostmyearringsagain · 05/08/2025 21:07

I like to send cards but perhaps I’m out of touch. I find the connection important.
Did your guests assume because you asked for no gifts, they could arrive empty handed?
If so, it’s shoddy.
You can say so too. Why not?

Liliwen · 05/08/2025 21:04

I had the exact same scenario at my wedding. About 3 of my oldest friends didn’t get us a card. No gift either but I wasn’t arsed about that. I really thoght a card was just basic etiquette. I posted on here about it actually and lots of people thought I was BVU to have expected a congratulations card on my wedding day from my close friends. I would never show up to a wedding without a card

DoYouReally · 05/08/2025 21:00

jetlag92 · 05/08/2025 20:49

I'm 50, attended about 25 weddings and have never written a wedding card - unless I couldn't attend.

Humour me if you don't mind.

Where do you put the money of not in a card?

Or if sending a gift, how do they know it's from you if the card isn't attached to it?

BIossomtoes · 05/08/2025 21:00

I really don’t understand “Nobody sends cards”. There are entire shops devoted to them on every high street, they’d go out of business if that was true. I’m with you @Inpaineveryday, it’s the least you’d expect of a wedding guest.

Hankunamatata · 05/08/2025 20:53

Your honestly reevaluating friendships over a bit of cardboard?
They made effort, time and money to attend your wedding.
Let it go

jetlag92 · 05/08/2025 20:49

I'm 50, attended about 25 weddings and have never written a wedding card - unless I couldn't attend.

Original poster
Inpaineveryday · 05/08/2025 20:47

@Terrribletwosno all family who attended gave cards or gifts. Most friends did just several of mine who didn’t!

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NoVibrato · 05/08/2025 20:47

arcticpandas · 05/08/2025 20:13

I only give a card if it's a monetary gift in it. I would feel silly just giving a card, like how presumptious of me thinking anyone wants to read a card I have written (except close family). I hope I haven't offended anyone by this but it has never crossed my mind that someone would want a card.

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I cannot understand this logic at all. Why on earth should somebody not take pleasure in a pretty card you've carefully chosen and then have hand written a loving or thoughtful message in?

You'll have to wrest my pen and my tastefully chosen cards from my cold, dead hand!

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/08/2025 20:46

PinkyFlamingo · 05/08/2025 19:39

You really wouldn't even put money in a card as a wedding gift if you were invited to a wedding?

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If I was giving money, I'd put it in an envelope with a note.
But I wouldn't buy a card for that purpose.

DesperatelySeekingHelp · 05/08/2025 20:43

I would be upset too. It’s about the sentiments of your friends not the present they buy. I love getting cards more than gifts.

arcticpandas · 05/08/2025 20:42

Inpaineveryday · 05/08/2025 20:31

@Terrribletwosno, no present

Oh
That's rude though! I can't imagine going to a wedding empty handed 😱

Laura95167 · 05/08/2025 20:41

Im with you. Defo would like and would send a card

Terrribletwos · 05/08/2025 20:34

Inpaineveryday · 05/08/2025 20:31

@Terrribletwosno, no present

Well, omg that's not good. How shit! I feel bad for you. Are you saying not even your family or just friends.?

Original poster
Inpaineveryday · 05/08/2025 20:31

@Terrribletwosno, no present

OP posts:
Original poster
Inpaineveryday · 05/08/2025 20:30

@paradisecircuswell this is it, why I’m a bit stuck. I can’t think of a sinister motive but at the same time why not a card for my wedding when I’ve attended other weddings with them and known them to gift and/or bring a card?

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