AIBU - no card?

I wonder how much they'd already spent on attending the wedding and hen do

The weddings I'm going to this year and have all involved over night stays, some have needed childcare as no children allowed, money spent on an abroad stag do that DH attended, travel within the UK, one is again abroad and we will be flying to.

The amount people are expected to pay to attend other people's weddings is insane, then to throw a hissy fit because you didn't get a card. For fuck sake ,just elope and be done with it

What rude twats. Please stop all birthday cards, Christmas cards, presents, food shops, everything!

Ive never been to a wedding where people take presents to the actual wedding. Ive never seen that. All the presents are given/ordered/sent before the actual day.

I dont know what other people's experiences are at Scottish weddings

OP didn't say no gifts. She didn't provide a gift list but the rest of the guests did bring presents and cards. It was just four of OP's closest friends who turned up completely empty handed.

1000000% rude. Most families no longer want boxed gifts so I always do card with money / voucher even £20 at least!
I am quiet traditional even though I am 30. But I think that's a non brainer younhave to do something. Even an E card if you must.

But then again I love to write letters so...

I was brought up to always give cards on special occasions but nowadays everyone seems to have varying values around this. I got married last year and not many gave us cards although most contributed to our honeymoon fund. We did have a guest book that everyone signed which is a much nicer keep sale than cards.

WomblingMerrily if you give a gift but no card how do they know the gift is from you ? Do you stick a note on the gift then to say ?

OP I can see why you would be sad to not receive the cards, it does seem rude but the cards we received are just in a box in the loft so it gets it saves you just doing that for years 🤣

That sounds fine, youre not turning up empty handed. That’s the height of rudeness. I don’t believe posters here saying it would never occur to them to give a card/gift at a wedding. Were they brought up with no socials skills whatsoever? I didn’t attend a wedding until I was late 20s but wasn’t that thick. The last wedding I attended was 5 years ago and cards were very much a thing. Im 40 so not exactly elderly aunt age like other posters are proposing.

I’ve been to weddings without a gift. Other people’s weddings are so expensive that there were times when I was younger that just being there ate any spare cash I had.

I didn’t take a card to a couple of friends weddings because at the time I had no idea that was a thing you do. Call me naive but I didn’t know until I got to one wedding that wedding favours were a thing that existed, nor did I know what they were called. I was (and still am to a degree) pretty clueless about weddings.

Does she give a gift though? I’d hope so, bloody rude otherwise

What a bunch of tight arses!

If im attending a wedding ill buy a present. So I wouldnt send a card. The only time I send a card for a wedding is if im not going

I'm confused. So these people all attended the wedding and gave nothing at all.....This card debate aside surely no one thinks it is OK to go to a full day wedding and give no gift. That is so miserable?!

I’m off to a wedding on Saturday and have just written a card. My 30 year old DD is in peak wedding years with her friends and has never sent a card. I have cut down hugely on cards and send very few cards compared to a decade ago.

I don’t bring cards to a wedding unless I’m bringing the present then. But normally I send them a gift and a card with it, or if off a registry whatever the shop includes to indicate who it’s from. The last wedding I went to I bought ‘experiences’ on the website they set up for their honeymoon, no separate card.

I thought etiquette for wedding gifts was to send within a month of the wedding date. I know I received some cards and money in the post after the wedding, and I have sometimes sent things after too. Some people don't want to leave cash in cards at weddings incase they are stolen. Particularly with online shopping these days, they may want to deliver direct. So I'd hold on a bit, but if nothing comes it is rude, imo.

@CoralOP not these days, I would bring a card and gift but I did forget for a lot of my friend’s weddings in my 20’s. I was skint and scatty!
My closest friend has never got me a birthday card or gift for my wedding etc, he doesn’t bother with all this crap and sometimes I wish women wouldn’t. It’s generally always women sorting the endless rounds of gifts, cards etc for every event.
It’s interesting it’s those closest to OP who didn’t do the card thing - I think it’s more something you do send to a more distant person; with close friends, great if they are present/card buyers but who cares if not? There are more important things.
But I guess my view is not that common!

YABU.
I recently got married, cards are still on the mantle. 70 ppl, mostly couples, we have 15 cards. Love and appreciate the cards we have, absolutely no judgement against the ppl who didn't give us a card. Them being there, sharing our special day with us was all that we wanted and needed. Anything else was a bonus.

But would it cross your mind to take a gift to wedding? Or do you just turn up with nothing?

Did you have a hen do, did they attend that?

So for 25 weddings you've never given a gift?? Or if you have given a gift how would they know who it's from without a card. All these people turning up empty handed to weddings is like a parallel universe to me!

Came here to say exactly this! ⬆️