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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask the police for details about me? (TW: child SA)

34 replies

Sophiehoney · 05/08/2025 16:58

I may have been sexually assaulted as a young child (when I was too young to remember). Someone was definitely arrested and questioned for it but I don't know if they were ever charged or found guilty. The person accused is now dead. There is noone else I can ask to be 100% sure.
Am I entitled to view police records about this? How would I go about it?
At the time, my parents used a name for me that was never my real/legal name so I can't prove it was me. I also only know the area we lived, I don't know the address.
It would have been early 1990s
I really need to know the truth. What can I do to find it?
I'm sorry this isn't a proper AIBU but I don't know anywhere else I can post that is anon and has so much traffic
TIA

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 05/08/2025 21:39

If you have his full name, it'll be easier to trace.
I'm sorry the adults in your life failed to protect you. Have you spoken to your parents about it?

Thelnebriati · 05/08/2025 21:34

You could contact Victim Support and ask them to help you with making the request. Victims of crime do have some rights.
Don't worry if you don't get names exactly right or are a bit vague about dates.

Original poster
Sophiehoney · 05/08/2025 21:30

Bodypumpmum · 05/08/2025 17:35

With all due respect, if the person is dead what can possibly be done?
id hate for this to come across as insensitive, have you tried to seek some professional help to help you manage how you are feeling?

As terrible as this is, i think learning how to live with it with the right support might be the better option? I do hope that doesnt come across rude. Sorry for what you may have been through.

I have my reasons.
All these years, I have wondered why other adults in my life failed to protect me and why this person continued to be part of our lives for many years (indeed, continuing to abuse me in other ways, not sexually,throughout my childhood) after this incident was reported as far as going to the police.
I need to see for myself what the evidence was, what was said, what he was accused of, so I know if people I love really did let me down or not. I need to look at it all and decide whether or not I would allow that person to continually be around my own daughter. I need to ask questions of other adults in my life and I hopefully need to be able to forgive other adults in my life.

And quite frankly, I sincerely hope that's the last time anyone asks me to explain myself.

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 05/08/2025 17:44

So you remember nothing of the incident OP? I'm not sure police records will fill in many gaps if your mum is determined to be obstructive.

WhosTheBeerThief · 05/08/2025 17:43

Sophiehoney · 05/08/2025 17:21

It wasn't a nickname, my surname was changed, although never legally. My mum told everyone this name was my surname and all my primary school records are in this surname but it was never my actual name and isn't on any legal documents such as my birth certificate.

If she told it to the school and they accepted it, I am certain she said so to the police as well.

I began using my real surname again through choice when I started secondary school and kept it until I got married

Edited
Show quote history

Then just tell them that? Surwly you can prove your date of birth and parent details when they reported it?

Bodypumpmum · 05/08/2025 17:35

With all due respect, if the person is dead what can possibly be done?
id hate for this to come across as insensitive, have you tried to seek some professional help to help you manage how you are feeling?

As terrible as this is, i think learning how to live with it with the right support might be the better option? I do hope that doesnt come across rude. Sorry for what you may have been through.

Original poster
Sophiehoney · 05/08/2025 17:21

WhosTheBeerThief · 05/08/2025 17:09

Surely your parents would have given your legal name to police? If it got as far as him veing arrested and questioned your real name would have been documented, they wouldnt have put a parents nickname down on legal forms?

It wasn't a nickname, my surname was changed, although never legally. My mum told everyone this name was my surname and all my primary school records are in this surname but it was never my actual name and isn't on any legal documents such as my birth certificate.

If she told it to the school and they accepted it, I am certain she said so to the police as well.

I began using my real surname again through choice when I started secondary school and kept it until I got married

OP posts:
WhosTheBeerThief · 05/08/2025 17:09

Surely your parents would have given your legal name to police? If it got as far as him veing arrested and questioned your real name would have been documented, they wouldnt have put a parents nickname down on legal forms?

Stoufer · 05/08/2025 17:06

Not sure if it is the same, but you can do a Subject Access Request to the police force to ask to view the records they hold about you (this is certainly the case if anyone has had dealings with the police as a suspect / perpetrator, so may be the case about a potential victim as well? You would need to check. More importantly, I think you would need to prove that it is you (if you are applying on behalf of someone else, eg your child, you need to provide birth certificates and driving licence etc. Not sure how you would prove it was you, if you are not sure of the address, or of the name, or exact details of the crime? I am just a lay person, but have been reading up about Subject Access Requests recently.

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