People with sensory processing needs and public

Sunflower lanyards indicate a hidden disability - nothing more specific. I would expect someone with those difficulties to use the disabled toilet.

My children went through the same issue with the sound of the dryers. I wouldn't have dreamed of telling anyone not to use them. Sometimes someone whould hear her crying about them and not use them. Otherwise it was my problem to navigate around the dryers. She now 9 and ok with them, (waiting ASD/ADHD assessment)

My son has sensory processing disorder and really struggled with hand dryers when he was young but that was for me and DH to manage and we would never have expected members of the public to adjust their behaviour.

You are 100% not being unreasonable. The mum is likely frazzled and at her wit's end, but, my child has sensory needs. They are better (somewhat) with age, but if I knew she was having a bad day I would try really hard to either bring noise cancelling headphones with me, or if not, to find a disabled/mum and child bathroom, or just be very fast. If I saw someone about to use a dryer I would warn my child to cover their ears.

Basically, none of this is on you.

I'd remove his severly disabling condition, yes in a heartbeat. It wouldn't even be a question. In exactly the same way I'd cure any disability he has, why would I want him to spend his life with a disability?

Those who prefer autistic don't get to dictate to others how to describe or define their disability.

Just to add those with autism who are able to express this, effectively communicate, argue on mumsnet etc have no idea what it is like for someone with profound/ severe autism and shouldn't presume to talk for them.

I have a teenager with autism and severe sensory processing difficulties. The mum was being ridiculous having a go at you but hopefully she realised that later.

His autism is a disability and it would be removed or cured if possible. Autism for him isn't an identity, it's a very severe disability.

To get a diagnosis of autism you need to be disabled/ severely impacted by the various impairments that make up the diagnosis.

Can I ask what it is about the pencil? I work with a pre verbal child who refuses to use a pencil but will write on a whiteboard. I’m wondering if we have been missing something!

The sunflower lanyard is green. The one which signifies additional needs.

But not all children with additional needs will be bothered by a hand drier will they

You didn't do anything wrong. She shouldn't be having a go at you

As an autistic adult, I hate them too, I’m just past the meltdown stage. From most things you will just see me twinge or occasionally I get this whole body shiver that runs through my body once that I can’t control. People using pencils are the worst. I refused to use them even as a child. Amazing that I didn’t get diagnosed until I was an adult.

Aye cos your spidey senses knew the hand dryer would flip him out.
She was obviously being unreasonable

I don’t think you we're being unreasonable here and this woman sounds entitled however I do hate hand driers and I know lots of other people do (especially children) so I tend to avoid using them myself and probably would have intuitively done so if there was a child with an identified disability

You didn't do anything wrong but God those Dyson dryers are a nightmare for autistic kids and their parents. Of course she was stressed and sometimes when we're stressed we act a bit unreasonably. You really can't judge unless you have your own autistic children.

Oh I didn't read that properly. You'd remove his whole way of being?

Yes he is but we tend to use 'autistic people' precisely because we are not a neurotypical person with a disability. Probably pointless, because most people don't understand why many autistics prefer to be called autistics.

Yes so I understand reading this thread, I just wish I'd known that when the social worker had a go at me for saying it the "wrong" way.

My daughter would meltdown from the dryers as well. The Dyson ones were the worst. A lanyard would have been useless even if everyone recognized it. What if we were in a stall and not visible, people would have still been washing their hands.

As a parent of a child with autism we dealt with this by planning our days carefully. If it had been worse or we had been unable to plan as we did, we would have added noise cancelling headphones to the mix.

we spent a great deal of time finding headphones that dd could wear. It was an expensive process, but we eventually found some.

We wanted to be out in the world and getting her used to it. We had to do the work to make that happen. It’s time consuming and expensive. It’s exhausting. It’s just what you have to do. As an adult with ASD, I knew all too well that you don’t get rid of your autism, you learn to manage your ASD. You learn the techniques you need to live in the world.

I thought the green lanyard indicated a hidden disability which could be anything really. I wouldn’t have automatically have presumed it was a sensory issue and would likely have used the hand dryer without even thinking about it like you OP.

She was probably just exhausted and then having to deal with a meltdown. You weren’t to know but just move on. Mum had probably had a tough day.

My grandchild really hates the hand dryer noise and has a melt down. But she just has to put up with it.

There's no "wrong way". You say it how you wish

YANBU. If her DS can’t cope with a hand dryer she needs to take him in to the disabled loo. You haven’t done anything wrong.

FFS. What a silly thing to say.

Notice a lanyard - why are you staring, weirdo?

Don’t notice a lanyard - why aren’t you paying attention, I’m wearing it for a reason!

Whatever someone does, it’s wrong. Can’t win with some people.

Absolutely not your fault; even if it was a universally recognised lanyard like the green sunflower ones they simply signify a person may need extra assistance but don’t state why/ how so you couldn’t assume from a lanyard whether somebody is okay with hand-dryers or not. Presumably you washed your hands before using the dryer so there was plenty of time for the mum to politely explain her son’s aversion to them and request you don’t use it or wait until they leave, it’s absolutely on her if she didn’t do this and just expected you to know not to use it! Even if he’d had a big label on him saying ‘do not use hand-dryers around this child’ she still should have mentioned it because you can’t assume somebody has seen it, you could be visually impaired for all she knew.