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Original poster

Has anyone kept their pregnancy hidden until later on?

37 replies

Summer2025gal · 05/08/2025 11:15

Would love opinions on this. Did you ever regret waiting to tell people you’re pregnant? Are you glad you waited?

I have had a history of losses and also successful pregnancy. We’re planning to ttc soon and hide our pregnancy between us for a little while this time. Each time we’ve been pregnant I’ve told people so early.

Did you ever have close family or best friends upset you didn’t say? I am torn between tell people early because of previous losses but also to wait this time (want to wait until 12 or 20 weeks to tell friends and family)

OP posts:
Theuntamed · 05/08/2025 12:51

I waited until twenty weeks each time.

Lem0nTang0 · 05/08/2025 12:50

I waited as long as possible to speak about it because I have a history of losses.
My SIL told people the minute the line appeared on the test.
I asked her why she told people so soon, she said she wanted to be sure people knew so if something went wrong she wouldnt have to tell them she had got pregnant and then lost in the same sentence. She said if she was sad she wanted people to know why as it wasnt something she could control and she wouldnt be hiding grief.

It wouldnt of been right for me but I understood why she did it with each of her pregnancies.

Ultimately, it is about how you and your OH feel, other people do not have a right to know about your body until you are ready. Do what feels right in your heart.

Ariela · 05/08/2025 12:42

Back in 1999, when things were different in employment law, I was due almost half my annual salary on top in bonus. However I knew that head office could and would decide to re-allocate 'additional head office costs' against my branch if they so much as got an inkling I was likely to go on maternity leave. So I waited till I got official in writing notification of my bonus - I was 28 weeks - and had sadly 'put on weight over Christmas' 'stopped swimming for now, not got time' (in fairness we'd bought a do-er upper) and also developed a real love of the local bakery cakes - I used to go and buy a random selection of cakes a couple of times a week, and leave some out in the main office and take some through to my office and pretend I'd had at least two and had no room for more. Then I'd moan about my weight gain. I also went off coffee - luckily HO had decided we needed 'nice' coffee machines and a new contract (with awful coffee), so I wasn't the only one to go off coffee
I got my bonus, which re-did the kitchen/utility

Beeloux · 05/08/2025 12:35

I waited until 7 months with ds1 (I did tell family and close friends straight away). It was mainly because I had just had a surgery on my ovary and tubes weeks before falling pregnant and had some bleeds throughout. I was worried something would happen.

I was very small and didn't show until the last few months so it was easy to hide. Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Original poster
Summer2025gal · 05/08/2025 12:28

BlondieMuver · 05/08/2025 12:26

I always waited until 12 weeks to tell family and friends.
Then I lost a baby at 13 weeks.
With the subsequent pregnancy I waited until 20 weeks to tell people, though anyone who seen me noticed, i didn't say anything.

There is definitely no safe zone unfortunately. I just remember that feeling of telling everyone but then not knowing if the baby was growing well until that 20 week appointment when they do their thorough checks.

I even had to tell my employer at 5 weeks due to HG and time off

OP posts:
BlondieMuver · 05/08/2025 12:26

I always waited until 12 weeks to tell family and friends.
Then I lost a baby at 13 weeks.
With the subsequent pregnancy I waited until 20 weeks to tell people, though anyone who seen me noticed, i didn't say anything.

Original poster
Summer2025gal · 05/08/2025 12:23

CynicalSunni · 05/08/2025 12:21

I think most people understand waiting 12 weeks or more. The first 12 are so uncertain. I doubt anyone woumd be upset especially if they know your history.

We're telling a couple if weeks early as we going on holiday with the in laws. It would be a stress trying to gide morning sickness. But i did go for a scan to confirm all was okay first.

Thank you. I just found telling people before 12 weeks was nice as I could chat to them about it (also had awful HG) but it gave me anxiety, especially on the hard days where I worked myself up to assume the pregnancy would end in miscarriage.

OP posts:
CynicalSunni · 05/08/2025 12:21

I think most people understand waiting 12 weeks or more. The first 12 are so uncertain. I doubt anyone woumd be upset especially if they know your history.

We're telling a couple if weeks early as we going on holiday with the in laws. It would be a stress trying to gide morning sickness. But i did go for a scan to confirm all was okay first.

SmegFridge · 05/08/2025 12:12

I told parents and employer early on with the first one as I had HG so it was hard to hide. I ended up having to have a TFMR and was gutted that everyone knew. With the second pregnancy that was successful I waited till around 25-29 weeks before I told anyone. It was a little difficult to hide but loose shirts etc. worked. Luckily I wasnt very ill so it was a bit easier. No one was fussed I told them late because all close friends and family understood my reasons. And tbf most people don't really seem to care about when you tell them anyway because pregnancy announcements always mean more to the people having the baby (obviously 😄) and less to everyone else.

Best of luck OP!

Mt563 · 05/08/2025 12:05

i told immediate family at 12 weeks, everyone else at 20. no one commented on that delay to make it fully public, but I'd been quite open about previous miscarriages.

Rycbar · 05/08/2025 11:57

I’ve only been pregnant once and I told our parents immediately. We didn’t tell anyone else but when I miscarried we then had to tell people because I could not keep that secret. We’re suffering two years of infertility now so I’m not really sure whether to tell people if we do get pregnant again as it could be after ivf!

Ifitistobesaid · 05/08/2025 11:40

I have a history of losses so when I had my successful pregnancy I didn’t tell most people until the third trimester (I had a pretty small bump until then so was easy to hide).

My immediate family knew early on, as did my line manager as I had to go to appointments etc. But I wanted to wait until I was ‘safe’ enough in the pregnancy for other people to know. No regrets.