To ask when things got easier with your autistic child?

So sorry things are so difficult and you just got unjustified judgement from social care and no help and the lack of education before.

Homestart might be able to help with your 1 child which obviously isn't the issue but may give you a few hours help each week if they have someone.

Oh OP it's shocking that he was left out of education from age 4 to 7, that is absolutely appalling. I'm so sorry that no one seems to give a shit about your family.

Your DS obviously struggles to cope in the classroom but I really hope the school aren't being negative about him because it's obviously not his fault that he can't cope - god knows what the experience is like for him. Segregation any time he is overwhelmed is probably a good thing for him that helps him, rather than the negative that it would be in an NT school. Do they have a sensory room at the school? Does that help calm him? Perhaps you could set his room up as a sensory room if that does help - are you getting DLA? Make sure you're claiming all you're entitled to.

Is there anything he loves doing/is obsessed with/helps calm him? I would really look out for and pick up on those things and run with them. I remember ds being obsessed with phones and making a scrap book with him of cut out pictures of phones that he would look through and look through.

What does he like on the ipad? If he likes the ipad and can engage with that then I'd run with it personally, there is the potential for him to learn so much from it even if he is just watching cartoons. I know screens are considered terrible for NT kids to be on all the time but with a severely ND child in the summer holidays with a 1 year old as well, normal rules don't apply.

I agree with a PP that said about trying other meds. I just read on a US site that there are meds based on methylphenidate and some based on amphetamine as well as others that are non-stimulant. Not sure if that's also the case in the UK but definitely worth looking into whether there may be other more suitable options. The article suggests that if none of the meds work then it's worth considering if you have the right diagnosis (ADHD) which might fit in with the 'something else going on' statements. So I'd try the different meds and if nothing works then be pushing hard for them to figure out exactly what else might be going on.

Where are all the agencies that were involved when your son was out of school for three years? I have been in that position with my two dc and it was a terrible time. However there was a social worker and various charities and agencies involved and someone knocking the door every day, even the police when my dc were running around the streets.

I didn’t get respite either as my dc were very challenging and it broke down and there was no one else who could do it.

I agree. I'm sorry I have no good advice OP, other than to keep on at the services that should be available to help you.

I am so disgusted that our society allows this kind of suffering to go on - for all 3 of you but particularly for you OP. As a PP said, do whatever it takes to get support, it's not like you don't actually need it. If not for yourself, for your toddler.

Goodness this sounds so difficult, I really feel
for you.
If accessing clubs or outside the home support is too difficult at the moment, I would try and focus on indoor regulation activities.

Do he play with fidget toys, or have a particular fixation at the moment?

I have had great success with an indoor trampette and a spinning dish chair, both provide some sensory feedback to help with regulation.
Do you have a garden? A swing can be an excellent way for children to calm themselves.

i understand all of these options cost money, does your local council have grant options for these kinds of things? Ours does under Early help and IDS teams.

If you don’t have a social worker yet it might be time to get one for ongoing support. 💐

@CosmicCoconut if saying you are going to kill yourself is what it takes to get help, I would say that x

Refer yourself to the Safeguarding team to get social care support. That sounds scary but it's about getting support and your family needs recognised. It is not about failing.

Something like having a PA (someone who engages with your child, giving you a little break) could possibly help.
Have you got an EHCP ? He sounds to need a specialist school environment to help him thrive.

This sounds really tough OP. I think I’d be inclined to try another doctor who’d be prepared to try other meds.

What a heavy load you are carrying. Do you have any help at all? Is there a partner or Dad around?

DS was diagnosed with ASD aged 7 having been on the "watch" list since he was 3. He is mid 20s now. Each individual will be different and some of it is finding techniques for help your DS to feel calm and not overstimulated. Naturally this is immensely challenging for you at the moment with a small baby. I don't suppose the school holidays will be helping either, as your DS is out of his routine.

The only things I can think of are to try and build in ways for your DS to self soothe and create as calm an environment as possible. Will he wear headphones and listen to music or watch the TV? Has he tried Minecraft?

Are there any peaceful outdoor places you could head to? Maybe at times when things are less crowded or busy? Are there any National Autistic Society resources in your area? Sorry, If I am asking questions you have already considered.

Cross post sorry.
Are social services involved? They should be and they can access some support for you.

Is he in school op?
Do you have a partner?
Is there a holiday club provision in your area for children with sen? There is in my area and it’s excellent.

It’s so hard I know.

Sorry to read about your struggles. it is extremely tough and no one understands how hard it is to look after ND children. I have 2 ND, eldest is 9. Around 7 and years old my DC was at his worst. As he is maturing he is getting ever so slightly better. I also have 0 help. When I visit my family abroad they do notice an improvement in my DC’s behaviour. So, there is hope.
Are you part of any SEN support groups? better than nothing I guess.
Do you have CAHMS involved? my DC have both ADHD too. Have you considered medication?

Hi, I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I have a 9 yo old autistic son who has meltdowns but not at that frequency. How is he at school, has he managed to make any friends there? Sometimes I find having another child of my son’s age round can be a distraction