To pick my daughter up from holiday camp 150 odd miles away

Talk to the camp leaders

She's been there 1 night, presumably, when she called and isn't used to being away from home so might have just had a little wobble. We see it a lot when it's their first time away.

The leaders might well reassure you that she's actually been busy all day. Maybe Sunday was a quiet day before activities began proper. Or by "nothing to do" she just didn't like the activities that day

Camps can be a nightmare with girls that age. We've often had to swap tents around because Flossie and Jessie were absolutely best friends before the came away but after 2 nights away, Jessie has fell out with Flossie and is now best friends with Alice etc.

Well that’s great for you. I had a similar experience when that age but it was for 2:weeks and in France, my parents eventually picked me up 3 days early but the damage caused to me by it lasted a long time.

I would collect her if I were you, OP.

I would collect her.

... my sweet summer child.

We have parents who want to know exact addresses, so they can stay nearby, and complete itineraries, so they can pop along and watch their precious babies do whatever activity, or supervise them at whichever museum etc. sneak mobile phones and sweets into their bags etc so they can stay in touch.

Parents are absolutely bonkers these days.

100% disagree, my mother left me at a camp when I was 13, I was being bullied there and camp leaders didnt give a shit, my mom left me there to show me “independence” I had a terrible time and felt really let down by my parents, it’s stuck with me ever since and I’m 36.
i would never put my child in that situation, home is her safe place and if she wanted to come home, I’d travel wherever to bring her back to show that I respect her feelings.

Don’t be so ridiculous.

I called my mum everyday in tears from my year 7 residential for the first three days. Then I got over it and had a great time.

I disagree.

I was made to put up with things. To stick things out, to learn to get through it, to persevere.

All it did was teach me to put up with shitty situations that I wasn’t happy with. It took me until my 40s to realise you don’t have to do that, and that actually, it’s okay to think “fuck this, I’ve changed my mind, I don’t like this situation” and leave.

You posted while I was writing 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m genuinely surprised at all the knee jerk go get her comments. She arrived Sunday and I’m assuming her allocated time to call wasn’t in the early hours so called Monday. That’s no time at all to have been there. I’d want her to give it a couple more days and like I said, I’d call the adults in charge to see if we could support her to turn it around. I’m not saying “toughen it out child”, but parenting is about supporting your child to cope in tricky/unfamiliar situations.

I would already be on my way. What’s the point of making her suffer?

I'd get her.

It’s a balance between developing resilience and supporting her. This is a great opportunity for her to sit with something uncomfortable and learn that she can get through it, so I wouldn’t rush to collect immediately, but she does need to know you have heard her and support her.

I would assume that a school residential is part of the curriculum. This camp is during the school holidays and, I assume, is supposed to be enjoyable and fun. If OP's child is being ostracised and picked on to the point that she is in tears, why wouldn't OP go and pick her up? It's supposed to be a holiday not an endurance test.

Talk to the leaders first because they can be quite different when speaking to you than when not, also give it another 24 hours or so, it’s been one night and she’s not used to this. In all honesty, I would not pick her up if it were me unless a camp leader indicated it was necessary, learning to get along with new people is a great thing to develop

I’d go and get her. I know there are some people who talk about learning resilience, but life is short. If she’s not enjoying it, there’s no point. It’s okay to say you are having a shit time and leave, that’s just as important a life lesson than learning to stick things out, more, infact, people put up with so much needless shit that they don’t need to for the sake of nothing.

I’d go and get her if she was mine, tell her not to worry about it anymore.

Those of you who would immediately collect your children as soon as they said they found the situation difficult - you do realise the damage you are doing them, by teaching them to immediately give up as soon as they face challenges, and that any negative emotions they have are an emergency and a disaster that must immediately be fled from?

It seems a somewhat selfish, cruel and lazy approach to parenting, rather than taking the (admittedly more challenging) route of supporting them to actually overcome their problems, rather than running from them..

OP, unless you think your daughter is at risk of harming herself or others, please don't rush to collect her immediately - you would be totally undermining her resilience if you do so.

Look at the reasons she has given for her unhappiness - that others aren't hanging out with her, and there isn't much to do - it's hardly an emergency situation, is it?.Honestly, if you teach her that it's not possible for her to sit with these emotions, you will do her untold damage kn the future.

Do speak to the adults running the camp, as it may be that they can put things in place to support her. And above all, help her to get this in perspective. She's feeling a bit bored and a bit left out - she's strong enough to cope with that, if you remind her that she is!

Those of you who would immediately collect your children as soon as they said they found the situation difficult - you do realise the damage you are doing them, by teaching them to immediately give up as soon as they face challenges, and that any negative emotions they have are an emergency and a disaster that must immediately be fled from?

It seems a somewhat selfish, cruel and lazy approach to parenting, rather than taking the (admittedly more challenging) route of supporting them to actually overcome their problems, rather than running from them..

OP, unless you think your daughter is at risk of harming herself or others, please don't rush to collect her immediately - you would be totally undermining her resilience if you do so.

Look at the reasons she has given for her unhappiness - that others aren't hanging out with her, and there isn't much to do - it's hardly an emergency situation, is it?.Honestly, if you teach her that it's not possible for her to sit with these emotions, you will do her untold damage kn the future.

Do speak to the adults running the camp, as it may be that they can put things in place to support her. And above all, help her to get this in perspective. She's feeling a bit bored and a bit left out - she's strong enough to cope with that, if you remind her that she is!

I'd fetch her so she knows she can always have options if she feels unsafe and doesn't just feel she needs to suck it up. Girls are so often taught to persevere through abusive situations.

It seems that nowadays, unfortunately, many would. Children need to develop independence and resilience and they won't if a parent rescues them every time they have a wobble.

She'll be fine. Give it time, otherwise she'll never persevere and learn how to be independent.

I ask would go and see what is going on and collect her if she wants to leave. I have picked my kids up or even flown them home when they asked me to. They have grown up into perfectly capable adults, and I think that part of their confidence as teens came from knowing 100% that wherever they were in the world, if they asked for help they would get it. Presumably her week at camp is supposed to be fun not a trial.

I think someone has said this already but ask her to put up with 24 more hours and, after that, get her if she still wants you to.

At the same time, talk to whomever is in charge and discuss the situation with them.

(All assuming that it is a reputable camp with a good reputation. I think some camps can be horrific).

I would talk to adult in charge first. DD might have been having a wobble and everything seemed awful at that time, or she might be hating it all the time.

Contact the camp organisers and have a chat, and come up with a plan.

There’s a balance between not being abandoned, and learning some resilience and sticking power.

It’s pretty common for tye upset to only come up when in contact with the outside world and actually having a good time the rest of the time.

I'd go in person to assess the situation after contacting the camp staff, and expect to bring her home unless it's a question of temporary homesickness. It's more complicated for your daughter if this is a regular group/school trip, but it sounds like she'll not have to deal with these other kids again, except for the local friend. The staff need to use this as a learning point and be much more vigilant to nip potential bullying in the bud.