To pick my daughter up from holiday camp 150 odd miles away

A holiday paid for by someone else.

What’s she going to do when she’s 18, goes on a girls trip to celebrate the end of A-Levels and everyone falls out? Call her mum to fly abroad to come and pick her up?

From my point of view, it builds trust.

i have children of all ages, two are adults. Yeah, they have had issues at work and at uni. They call me to talk about it, because they know they can. I will talk it though with them, bitch about whoever has been an arsehole with them, it makes them feel better and then they carry on. They haven’t needed rescuing, but all my children know they can come home, no questions asked, any time, any age, I’m here.

My parents? God, I could never. It would have been my fault, I wasn’t trying hard enough, I should be more resilient (that was their buzzword), I shouldn’t be so sensitive. I stuck out an abusive relationship due to that.

I’m glad my adult kids can call me after a tough week, have a moan, have a laugh about it, feel better and carry on. That was built when they were younger and me saying “if you don’t like it, I’m there, I’ll come and take you home.” My children are too independent to be honest, they are both off doing amazing things, thousands of miles away! Knowing I would come get them if they needed me didn’t ruin them, it gave them confidence.

I know so many people will disagree, but knowing that I would come and get them when they were younger, from situations they were unhappy with is what built thier confidence.

I agree with this.

Keep in mind there’s an option to go and see her and work out a plan with her and the camp leaders.

(and whatever you do, dont turn up without talking to them first and saying you’re coming).

I had a similar situation when I was young. My parents did come to get me and over 15 years later I’m still grateful for their support.

She is 13 not 19.

The op has spoken to the adults who haven't helped.

It'd supposed to be fun, it's a week holiday and if she isn't enjoying it she should be allowed to leave.

Speak to adults at the camp.

She’s learning emotional resilience.
if you drop everything and go and fetch her, you are teaching her that it’s ok to give up when things are hard.

please please don’t do that to her.

my kids now look back on camps as the highlights of their childhoods, but I often had difficult conversations (normally before) about them going.

overally “protecting” your child now sets them up for failure in the future.

She could end up being a doctor or nurse, where she will need to change.

Vulnerability and discomfort are a part of life.

Pick her up. It's supposed to be fun, if it isn't just get her.

If it was a school residential she'd have to stick it out as might get picked on at school but summer camp? No.

Totally agree with this point.

When my DCs went to uni we had an agreement that unless they were unwell, injured or in danger, they shouldn’t come home in the first 6 weeks. When I was at uni I saw so many drop outs from those who did rush home in those early weeks. Perhaps uni wasn’t for them or there were issues I wasn’t aware of, but in my limited experience, there seemed to be a pattern. Unfortunately my youngest had to come home for a family funeral after her first week and she said it was harder going back than it had been at the beginning. Even though she was only back home for 3 nights, she keenly felt out of the loop of newly forming friendships. However, the friendships she has made have lasted and she coped really well at uni.

This is not the same as some bitchy co workers. She's in a place where she's having to sleep/get dressed/shower which is much more vulnerable, constant and upsetting than some bitchy co workers

She went on Sunday and rang you when? Monday at some point? How many hours did she give it? Not very long and to say there isn't much to do can't be right because there are usually scheduled activities to keep them busy.

Personally I wouldn't immediately rush to collect her but it does depend on whether she usually toughs things out and tries to find positive things to do or flakes at the first discomfort.

I'd go and get her. I was in a similar position at her age and I still wish that someone would have come and picked me up.

Pick her up

I certainly wouldn't rush to get her. She's 12, that's a good age to learn a bit of resilience.

I would make contact with the adults again and try to guage from that how she's doing. If they don't fill me with confidence in their ability to sort it out and she's still upset tomorrow then yes, I might consider going to get her. But often children will have a wobble on the first day and then get on with it.

I’ve been in this situation,
and my default has been to rescue
however that became a pattern that got worse
my DD would be wanting me to rescue her from school if she had fell out with a friend, and couldn’t tolerate staying put and getting on with things to the point of nearly derailing her whole education

however - in your situation with my experience / hindsight -
in would contact the camp leaders, see if they can resolve things on site, put her in a different tent, buddy her up with others,
if that can happen and things settle down, it will be a huge win for your DD’s resilience going forward,
if they can’t and she has to stay with bullies -
I’d be in the car, and on my way in full mummy to the rescue mode and have no qualms about that !!

This is exactly it. It’s not “damaging”, it’s building some resilience. What’s going to happen if she has bitchy coworkers?

I would ask the staff to keep an eye on her, try and get her to make friends and get her in a day or two if things don't improve

Yes, that’s the difference with school residential. They are with teachers they know well and trust, the teachers know them, they are with established friends who they have probably known for years and by year 6, have usually had sleepovers with at each others houses. A school residential is a completely different kettle of fish to a camp.

Having been a similar situation (although this was an abroad school trip!) please go and get her if you can. (I was actually older too - 14/15ish

Love that song

She's been there one night, presumably as she only went Sunday. That's not giving it a go

And what the kids tell parents and what the leaders see can be very different

Even if you ask the kids "hey, your mum says you're not enjoying yourself. Want to tell me what's wrong so we can fix it?" They can look confused, tell you they're fine and then run off with the kids they supposedly aren't friends with

OPs DD is 12, not 7. She’s away for 7 days.

My feeling is that as long as she’s not scared or in danger, only bored or unhappy, she shouldn’t be collected at this age. 12 is a good age to learn how to resolve these situations without parental involvement - it builds their resilience. It also sounds like she needs to work on her ‘friend-making’ skills and engage with other kids rather than rely solely on the one friend and the ones in her dorm. Yes, it’ll feel like a daunting thing to do, but will help her when she goes to uni/college or starts a new job.

But with in an hour she could have a complete turn around. I remember when DD wa that age, life could be awful one minute and the next day shes moved on and im still worrying about her.