To worry about a 4 year age gap for kids?

3 years 11 months between me & my brother. We've always been close. We'd play together when we weren't allowed out to play or were on holiday

One big advantage is youll have an extra pair of hands for 'helping' i remember when my brother was a baby absolutely loving helping Mum. Anything she needed from another room - i was in it. Take advantage of the age gap 😉

Now were adults were still very close

I think this is much more about personality than it is age when it comes to siblings.

We have 5 years between our girls. Was actually great as eldest was at school so I had time with baby. She was also a good help for me. They get on really well most of the time and play together etc. I like it as I have 2 children in different stages, eldest is 10 but I still have a little one to enjoy.

My boys are 7 years apart. Was great not to have to faff with double buggies or toddler when dealing with baby. I experienced that with my sister’s children who are only 2 years apart.

There’s four years between my sister and me, we’ve always been very close. It was slightly tricky when I was 10-12 and she was 14-16 as she found me pretty annoying (I probably was to be fair! Wanting to borrow clothes etc), but that went away as we got older. I would go and stay with her at uni, we’ve been on holiday together plenty of times. I think it depends more on personalities, my friend’s sister is 18 months younger and they’ve never got on, like chalk and cheese.

Oh and I have 4.5 years between my brother and me. We weren't close growing up but are very close as adults. Remember they have the relationship their whole lives, not just when they are small and living with you.

Gosh, so sorry for your loss.

I have 2 DS, 4 and a half years between them. It's brilliant. It's enough of a gap that there's very little jealousy. Small one knows he can't have the same bed time, pocket money, freedom etc as his brother. Older one is helpful when younger one needs something. Older one was starting school when younger one born so I got the newborn weeks and months without older one being around in the day. They crossed over at primary school for 3 years but are happily independent. They get on pretty well - the odd squabble but not much.

I like my slightly smaller than yours age gap (girl 16 boy 12) it has enabled them to have their own interests and do things separately but also have a good relationship and they really do.

probably also helps they look like twins (DS is tall and DD short!) and can sometimes act like it too (DS can be grown up for his age) but also quite happy to play the baby brother card

Congratulations OP on your rainbow baby! Please try not to worry. Mine are a full five years apart as my middle son died of leukaemia at 14 months. There were all kinds of issues of jealousy and grief in the early years. But now they are 23 and 18 and very different people but also very important to each other. In the growing up years I think I had it easy, they never wanted the same toy at the same time etc. Good luck with everything and you will be A OK, just lots of love and attention for them both and that will do it. xx

Mine are 14 (boy) and 10 (girl). They get on ok but not besties…. Me and my brother are 18 mths apart and have nothing in common. You can never tell really!!

16 mobth gap between my sister and me.

She was a bully my entire childhood. Utterly relentless. I spent an entire young childhood trying to make her like me and be nice to me. Then when I was a teenager because she had never been nice to me, I began to get aggressive back towards her.

So then we fought constantly as adolescence, and that hasn't changed into adulthood. We now have absolutely zero in common, we don't like each other.We've never liked each other.And I don't speak to her any more. I couldn't care less if I never saw her again for the rest of my life. Having a relationship with her is not worth it.

You see so many threads with people saying the age gap is this that and whatnot thinking it won't be exactly like their childhood.Therefore it won't be ideal.

Do you honestly think that your children are going to replicate your entire childhood and be exactly the same as you and your siblings were with each other? It's so weird. Worried about the age gap.Don't have the extra child then.

We have a 4-5 gap between all my sibilings and the truth is the gap is too big to be proper friends growing up. One might look after the other/s but not play like friends. There was always a baby who needed mum's attention which was difficult. I am very close with the sibling closest in age to me from age 22 onwards and I love it now but it was mostly negative growing up.

My dc have a 4 year gap. It has worked very well. Dc1 off to school meant she had her own thing to be proud of and gave me one to one time with dc2. They play very well together and are very close. Like a pp not sure what will happen when dc1 goes to secondary but I'm hoping they'll keep their close bond. The nicest thing is it keeps dc1 a bit younger at heart. Still playing with toys with dc2 rather than tiktok!

I think it will be lovely! Our age gaps are 3 years, 5 years and then 2 years. My daughter is 5 years older than one of her brothers and she just adores him and has done from birth. The 2 year age gap is nice for shared interests but when they are really little it is challenging, they both need more support sometimes both want to be carried at the same time or want the same toy etc. Whereas your daughter will understand that the baby is littler than her and probably want to help you. I'm sure it will be lovely for you all

My sons are 4 years apart. They've always got on brilliantly. My brothers, who were 2 years apart, were always fighting but my sons never have. Honestly, I've never even known them to argue! They are 38 and 42 now and still get on really well. Perhaps it helps that they are quite different personalities (one's quiet and introvert, the other's loud and extrovert) but being 4 years apart has never been a problem.

Not a 4yr gap but we are siblings who were the following ages
9 (f), 7 (m), 5(f me) and 0(f).
I was never close with my brother but very close to my younger sister when we were kids. As we grew up she was always super protected by all of us. Even now , as adults, we are still very close x

Apparently it's a natural gap in hunter gatherer societies as the older child can walk without needing to be carried.

I have a 3 year 9 month gap between my sister and I and between my own children, it seems to work well!

On mat leave and I've met loads of people with a similar gap. Not everyone has 2 under 2.

Me and my brother are 4 years apart, I was already in nursery when he was first born (and gave him chicken pox at 6 weeks, over Christmas!), and by the time he started nursery I was in Year 3. He had a few years of primary school when I was in secondary and he started secondary school when I was in Year 11. I don't recall a lot about how involved I was when he was born, but it was probably easier on my Mum that I was out of nappies and wasn't using the cot or buggy. I did find him annoying when he did things like reading my diary or pestering me when my friends came over, but on the whole we got on.

I have 3, each has 2 years between them and the next one. By far the closest are the youngest and eldest, despite their 4 year age gap!

Agree with this. I am the eldest of 3. My first sibling is 18m younger than me and the second is 6 years younger. I am much closer to the youngest sibling as an adult, our personalities are similar. I’ve never got on with the sibling closer in age.

I have 3 yrs 11 months if we're being picky between me and my brother the same for my DH and his brother. Never thought of it as a big age gap at all.

I think closeness is more about the personalities of the children, and how they are treated by their parents, than about the gap.

But also four years isn’t a huge gap.

I have a 4 week (& one week) gap. I wasn’t sure if i wanted another after dd was born. Always imaged a couple with 2-3 year gap as i have one sister i haven’t seen in years as we don’t get on and have a 6 year age gap & growing up i hated it and had to share a room as well. I didn’t want to ttc before my daughter was 3 - was on the fence about trying but we’ve no family around and worried should anything happen to us she’d be all alone so went for it. Knowing it would be a 4-5 year gap did make us on the fence all the more but i fell pregnant right away hence the 4 year gap and had twins! I was glad she was older when they came along but now they are older (12 & 8) i would probably have a 3 year gap if i could go back and change it!

Me and my brother are 22 months apart, 2 school years, we aren’t close at all. Age gap isn’t the only factor in closeness.