To worry about a 4 year age gap for kids?

My sister and I have 3.5 years between us, which has always meant different schools, different clubs etc during childhood but we still spent loads of time together. Less so when the older of us was a teenager, but it wasn’t a problem.

My kids have 4 years between oldest and middle and 5.5 years between middle and youngest. They’re all under 15 at the moment and they all play together in various combinations. The oldest isn’t too old to fly aeroplanes around the garden, play football or build Lego, and the middle/youngest both enjoy those things too. The oldest taught the youngest to ride his bike and they bake together. The middle child can still find fun in a sand/water park moving and shifting sand with the youngest.

They’re all close in their own ways despite the differences in age. While I’m sure there’ll be times when they spend less time together, childhood has definitely been a shared experience!

I wouldn't worry about it. My sister and I are two years apart, which was the recommendation at the time. We are middle aged now and I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.
Personality will win over age gap

I have the same gap, older girl younger boy, they adore each other and are very very similar in personality. Yeah they might not be close as adults but so what? That doesn’t stop the benefit and joy they have here and now, which is equally as valuable.

Four years between my brother and I. We didn’t gel as kids but I think that was down to personality difference rather than age gap. Once we were both old enough to go out drinking/socialising, we really clicked and are now great friends as adults.

two of my closest friends are very close with their siblings who have large age gaps (7 years and 8 years). I think personality matters more.

It worked perfectly for my friend. They are apart enough not to be in competition but close enough to be friends. I think it all depends on the personalities involved and how you manage the relationship. Definitely put a baby gate on the four year old's bedroom door so she can get away from a toddler and her stuff is safe.

My sisters are 7 and 8 years older than me, so were always at different life stages (by the time I was in secondary school, they were going to uni). We weren't that close as children (I don't know how they got on with each other when they were younger), but are closer as adults.

There is no ideal gap, and every family is different.

4 year age gap here and I adore it

I had irreplaceable one on one time with DC1 and they were at the perfect age to accept their sibling when she came along.

No jealousy, lovely sharing, they adore each other

I've got a twin, a sibling 6 years older and a sibling 11 years older
I'm closest to the one that is 6 years older

My DH has 2 siblings all have a 3yr age gap (he's youngest) I have 2 siblings with an 11 & 15 yr gap (I'm oldest) My DH rarely sees or speaks to his. No falling out etc just not close. My siblings & I are close, talk, visit often.

I currently have the gap you describe where ‘one is about to start school and the other is learning to walk’.

The biggest problem is just a practical level where I have to keep an eye on what they are both doing while I try and cook dinner, or that they want to go to completely different areas of the playground or soft play because of their different physical abilities. But I know this will pass eventually as the younger one gets a bit older and i’m not worried.

My mum was the eldest of 5 with 13 years between her & her youngest sibling. She got on well with all of them except the next eldest sister who was 2 years younger than her - they couldn’t stand each other & it was made worse by them having to share a room. The relationship never improved.

At the other end though, the two youngest had the same 2-year gap, also shared & were best mates.

Totally forgot to add, there's 10 years between my DS and I and another 5 years between her and our DB and we all get on well too.

I recently had some training from an expert on attachment theory, she said 4 years is the ideal gap attachment wise as the brain and nervous system are pretty much fully formed by 4 and they are less reliant on their significant adult(s). I have a smaller gap but in hindsight wish I had gone for 4. My DC1 is now 4 and I can see how much having a sibling at 2 affected her and our relationship, I think we both would have been much more ready at this point. Plus I love the baby / toddler years so could really have enjoyed each of them that way rather than having to divide my attention between them and racing through it all.

4 years between my younger sister & me. I mostly wanted nothing to do with her when we were kids but now we’re really close, go on holiday together & have seen each other through all kinds of shit.

I have 4.8 between mine they are now adults and get on great proper friends. Growing up we had peaks and troughs the worst bit was when dd1 was a young teen and dd2 was just "annoying " but we got through it.

My friend had 2ish years between her 4 children and they don't get on i remember them all as young kids just constantly fighting!

Are you completely insane? There must be hundreds of thousands of people in the country with a greater than 4 year age gap with one or more of their siblings, it doesn’t mean they can’t be close.

If anything, it’s probably easier, lower potential for competition and jealousy issues.

My brother is 4y4m older than me and was always my best friend, hugely kind to me, we had loads of fun together as kids. We're still incredibly close friends now – he and I were flatmates for 8 years in our 20s/30s.

My DH has 2 brothers - 1 is less than 18 months younger and one over a decade younger. He gets on really well with the 10 year gap and not at all with the closer in age one.

We have DC 4 yrs apart and they play together all the time. I found the gap really good as we had a structure to our day of drop off and pick up at school etc for the bigger one but also I could do baby focussed stuff (or lie on the sofa eating biscuits) too. My 2 under 2 gap was awful! (Though they get on really well too).

All about the individuals and nothing to do with the age gap, I suspect your DH and his sibling just aren't as compatible.

My sibling and I have an 8 year age gap. When we were younger I looked after her, in adulthood we're absolutely the best of friends, couldn't be closer.

There are four school years between my DC and it works well for us. It wasn't hugely intentional but it took until DD was three before I could even start to contemplate going through childbirth again.
I read somewhere that a four year age gap between an older sister and younger brother is the set up most likely for siblings to get on due to lack of competitiveness. DCs are 20 and 16 and have always got on well and been close and still go on days out together.
On the practical side DD will have finished uni before DS starts so that spreads financial outlay out a bit. Also all of DDs exams were done before DS started his GCSEs which made things less stressful and we could offer full support.
So, yeah, it works for us.

I have a 4 year age gap between my girls. They are the best of friends! My oldest is now 14 and youngest is 10. They still play happily together, sometimes with youngest's toys, sometimes hanging out listening to music together.

Not that big of a deal, there is 5 years between my oldest and second child, 3 years between 2nd and 3rd and 7 years between 3rd and 4th, which means my oldest was 15 years old when my baby was born who is now 12 months old, there hasn't been any issues with the age differences

I think that’s a close gap! Mine are 6 years apart. Best of friends and it’s great

There's a 4 year age gap between DS1 and DS2, they're really close. They're now nearly 18 and nearly 14.

4 years between my 2, they have always had a brilliant relationship (DD and DS), had the occasional falling out as siblings do, but are very close. When DD's house share moved out, DS moved in with her and they have lived very happily as housemates for over a year. So yes, a 4 year ago gap can work 🙂

Mine are 3 years 8 months apart but 4 school years and I think it’s a great age gap. They play together a lot but rarely squabble. Eldest is a big help.