Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

More of a Wwyd - friends son with epilepsy

134 replies

raspberryberet7 · 04/08/2025 18:05

My friends 17 yr old son has epilepsy and has it bad. For conte t he has had more than 8 seizures this year so far. He’s not supposed to drive until he is one year seizures free however he is continuing to have lessons. I’ve begged her not to let him as he is putting not only himself at danger but everyone else in the vicinity but she just won’t listen. She says he just wants to pass his test then he will stop. I really don’t know what to do it’s so dangerous

OP posts:
Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 05/08/2025 14:04

raspberryberet7 · 04/08/2025 18:48

Yes that is what she is thinking but they cannot take over the steering

Exactly.

But also, even if that was safe, his plan of passing his test and then not driving for months or years is dangerous. He'll have completely deskilled by the time he gets to drive again.

GeniuneWorkOfFart · 05/08/2025 14:00

I tried to report someone I know for driving despite having seizures, but I couldn't make the report without their driving license number and address. So they're still driving Hmm

MedievalNun · 05/08/2025 13:58

Report, report, report. DVLA & the police. If she’s that good a friend you can find out the driving school (eg ask if she’d recommend it) & tell them too.

If she’s this laissez-faire about him learning to drive when it’s illegal there is no way in hell she would stop him driving once he theoretically passes his test - she’s likely to be. ‘Well he was ok when learning / it’s just to the school / quick trip to the shops’ etc so this needs to be knocked on the head now.

However, she is likely to lose it when his lessons are stopped / if the police call round. And don’t forget that if he’s practicing, he’s doing so without a valid license which invalidates any insurance, either on the school’s car or his mother’s if he’s practicing in that - which is an offence in itself with a jail term. If she’s abetting that, she too could face charges.

But you need to get him stopped from driving.

raspberryberet7 · 05/08/2025 13:47

For all those saying it’s dual control it’s fine, it’s really not. It’s illegal therefore I’m guessing the driving instructor has no idea he has epilepsy

OP posts:
ScorchingEgg · 04/08/2025 19:49

I have epilepsy. Please report it. It’s unfortunate for the young man that he may have to delay driving, or may never be able to drive at all, but he needs to learn sooner rather than later that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you want. The mother, however, is who I blame more here - she’s the adult and she should be making it abundantly clear. Does she really want something terrible to happen where her son may be responsible for ending someone’s life? He would be in prison then.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 04/08/2025 19:08

So it was me who said about the dual controls - I did not say it was ok, or legal or a good idea - I was just trying to understand the friends rationale.

RH1234 · 04/08/2025 19:05

It’s a DVLA report, for him to have a provisional license he will have fraudulently completed documentation, they won’t have issued based on his health.

Therefore the driving instructor is very unlikely to know.

For those saying he has dual controls, yes absolutely, however depending on the seizures, he could have clonic spasms, and pull the steering wheel left or right, with minimal warning, and before you know it he’s in a ditch. Everyone is always happy when there’s another individual to “save the day”, but if you loved one was killed, you’d soon stand up in court against them.

CopperWhite · 04/08/2025 19:04

raspberryberet7 · 04/08/2025 18:48

Yes that is what she is thinking but they cannot take over the steering

Do you think instructors have extra short arms or something?

FullOfMomsense · 04/08/2025 19:03

Hm17 · 04/08/2025 18:58

The instructor has a brake (and clutch) and can reach over steer the car to pull over. I wouldn't report this. I would be far more concerned if he had a test pass and was driving alone.

Have you been sniffing glue?

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 04/08/2025 19:01

I can't believe some people don't think this is an issue. What if the seizure causes the guy to ram his foot down on the gas pedal?

Smartiepants79 · 04/08/2025 19:00

Hm17 · 04/08/2025 18:58

The instructor has a brake (and clutch) and can reach over steer the car to pull over. I wouldn't report this. I would be far more concerned if he had a test pass and was driving alone.

So it’s ok for him to learn to drive but not to actually drive?? What?
IT IS ILLEGAL!

Hm17 · 04/08/2025 18:58

raspberryberet7 · 04/08/2025 18:49

It is if he has a seizure

The instructor has a brake (and clutch) and can reach over steer the car to pull over. I wouldn't report this. I would be far more concerned if he had a test pass and was driving alone.

Smartiepants79 · 04/08/2025 18:58

CopperWhite · 04/08/2025 18:51

Why?

The instructor would be able to safely take control of the car and pull over. If you’re concerned about the management of his seizure while he is in a drivers seat, then it’s none of your business but there’s no reason it can’t be dealt with appropriately.

It’s completely illegal even if you’ve passed your test. Let alone a 17 year old having lessons. He could kill someone.

Smartiepants79 · 04/08/2025 18:56

What type of epilepsy? When was it diagnosed?
This could kill your friends son and his instructor and anyone unlucky enough to be in his way. I can’t believe anyone would be this stupid.
I have a Teenager with epilepsy we have had to accept that she may never drive.
Please report this. Now.

AuntyDepressant · 04/08/2025 18:55

CopperWhite · 04/08/2025 18:51

Why?

The instructor would be able to safely take control of the car and pull over. If you’re concerned about the management of his seizure while he is in a drivers seat, then it’s none of your business but there’s no reason it can’t be dealt with appropriately.

Are you being deliberately obtuse? The instructor won’t have a clue when a seizure is imminent and won’t be immediately ready to take the controls. Anything could happen before he realises what is happening, by which time it may already be too late for a pedestrian when they mount the kerb. He can’t steer safely from the passenger seat with a seat belt on anyway.

AnSolas · 04/08/2025 18:52

CopperWhite · 04/08/2025 18:48

If he’s having lessons in a car with dual controls, it’s not a problem.

He has no pernission to drive on a public road.

Epilepsy and driving
You must tell DVLA if you’ve had any epileptic seizures or blackouts.
You must stop driving straight away.
https://www.gov.uk/epilepsy-and-driving

Epilepsy and driving

You must tell DVLA if you've had any epileptic seizures or blackouts - download the correct form to let them know

https://www.gov.uk/epilepsy-and-driving

AuntyDepressant · 04/08/2025 18:52

CopperWhite · 04/08/2025 18:48

If he’s having lessons in a car with dual controls, it’s not a problem.

Any idea how the passenger steers?

CopperWhite · 04/08/2025 18:51

raspberryberet7 · 04/08/2025 18:49

It is if he has a seizure

Why?

The instructor would be able to safely take control of the car and pull over. If you’re concerned about the management of his seizure while he is in a drivers seat, then it’s none of your business but there’s no reason it can’t be dealt with appropriately.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 04/08/2025 18:49

No, but they can slam their foot on the brake which stops the car? And grab the wheel if necessary.

Presumably the instructor knows?

I wouldn't be overly fussed about someone having driving lessons in his position, after that more so.

raspberryberet7 · 04/08/2025 18:49

CopperWhite · 04/08/2025 18:48

If he’s having lessons in a car with dual controls, it’s not a problem.

It is if he has a seizure

OP posts:
raspberryberet7 · 04/08/2025 18:48

Yes that is what she is thinking but they cannot take over the steering

OP posts:
CopperWhite · 04/08/2025 18:48

If he’s having lessons in a car with dual controls, it’s not a problem.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 04/08/2025 18:46

I guess her rationale is that in a dual control car, if he has a seizure, someone can take over and drive it safely.

raspberryberet7 · 04/08/2025 18:31

@UninterestedBeing12 sorry if my overreacting and panic attacks is have offended you. Seriously why even bother to comment?

OP posts:
Marmaladelover · 04/08/2025 18:29

Campingisnexttogodliness · 04/08/2025 18:18

Dvla did nothing when I repeatedly reported exh for driving whilst wearing 2 surgical boots.
Manual car.. And he had diabetes..

To be fair - epilepsy is far more clear cut 12 months without any seizure .

I guess he is also driving the friend’s car for practice between lessons so you could report both to police . But your friend would be culpable too . The Driving instructor should be told too its also his/ her livelihood at stake too.