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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect the same childcare as your SIL is receiving

760 replies

Notyourproblem · 04/08/2025 17:33

AIBU to expect to get the same support from the grandparents as given to their own daughter?
I am married to their son. I am talking about child care time and effort (not talking about money)

YABU - no, it's common for parents to favour and support own daughter more.

YANBU - yes, same treatment for grandchildren support.

For context - we live closer that SIL and my husband is very close to his parents so no issues with relationships.

OP posts:
PractisingMyTelekenipsis · 04/08/2025 17:42

I think it depends on the situation. I was a single parent with a full time job. My parents provided childcare so i could work (healthcare role including early starts, late finishes, weekends and nights)
DB told me once it was unfair that he didn't get the same. But he was married and his wife didn't work. My parents had their DC so they could have a social life, but less often than they had mine.

IMO it wasn't unfair, we had different needs.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 04/08/2025 17:39

Depends. Is SIL married? Does she have more children or children with SEN?

LightDrizzle · 04/08/2025 17:39

If she was the first to have a baby and receive childcare from them then it might just be bad luck for you that she got in first. They are not unreasonable in not wanting to take on more and where does it stop, if they have three children who have 3 children and one couple has shifts to work around then should they be looking after anything between 2 and 8 children 7 days a week for say 10 hours a day?

Wolfpa · 04/08/2025 17:39

It depends entirely on the specific scenarios. How old are the children? Are the grandparents retired if so how long for? What is the employment situation of all of the adults?

what is the relationship between the grandparents and parents?

there are a lot of variables in this situation my parents will not be looking after my children but they look after my brothers three times a week. I don’t live as close so it would be impractical

Campingisnexttogodliness · 04/08/2025 17:39

Ils practically raised sil's dc.. Ours never had more than a glass of juice and a biscuit twice a week in our schedules hour visits.
Their loss.
Though they have rewritten history if I ever see them
.. Stories of great times. Except they have got the dgc wrong. Sil's ds.

Paganpentacle · 04/08/2025 17:38

Where are your parents?

WhatNoRaisins · 04/08/2025 17:37

OP could this be a case of comparison being the thief of joy?

For what it's worth I don't agree with the premise that their daughters kids should get more support than their sons kids. I do understand that there are more factors that might influence their decision. On a practical level if they are now older with your DC they may feel the need to do less.

Snorlaxo · 04/08/2025 17:36

If SIL grew up being the golden child then it doesn’t surprise me that she would get more attention from her parents than your h. I’m not saying that it’s fair but when there’s a golden child, the golden child’s kids end up as the golden grandchildren.

Is it possible that they are holding back because they don’t want to step on your mother’s toes? Some people have strange views on childcare.

Sirzy · 04/08/2025 17:35

Is her situation the same? Married working etc?

ArabiattaPrawn · 04/08/2025 17:35

I'm sure people will say that you shouldn't expect grandparents to do ANYTHING for you, regardless of what they do for SIL, because expecting anything from anyone is apparently rude and selfish, but no, YANBU. It's unfair.

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