To expect the same childcare as your SIL is receiving

I am not finding these responses abupt? just straightforward! How much help are you getting from them? You have not said

If your MIL is already committed to childcare for her DD when does she get child free days off ? If your DCs born first it may have been that you would benefit. Your MIL has a closer relationship with the DD she has raised than with you . However your DH should ask not you. Also it us not your MIL fault that your own parents are not in the picture . Again no one should expect childcare from an older parent .

"surely that’s a favour to their child", but OP's children are their child's children, unless I'm misunderstanding you?

you are not entitled to feel resentful, and they are entitled to push back as much as they like - it sounds from your post though, that they do in fact offer childcare to your children. Is that right? How much? And how much more do you ask for that they "push back" about? I think you probably need to be grateful for any support you get - They don't have to give you any, and it sounds like they have prior commitments so I expect they are very busy. How old are all the children?

I think it’s totally normal to do more for your own children than for your in laws (male or female). If your husband asks for help do they seem reluctant? I’d expect grandparents to love all their grandchildren equally but when babysitting (for example) surely that’s a favour to their child.

So are you suggesting she should use her free hours so GP can look after your children instead?

I think it should be equitable, rather than equal. And no, no one can expect anything from grandparents in the way of childcare. But it is shit when grandparents favour the kids of one child over the kids of another. I’ve seen it time and again and I can’t imagine doing that to my own kids/grandkids in the future x

I think there's a lot of context missing here. Do both you and SIL struggle for childcare? Do you both work, neither work? Do you have the income to pay for childcrae and she doesn't? Without comparisons of the key factors that might determine how much childcare you need, it's difficult to say

Deeply unreasonable. If grandparents are al readily heavily committed to childcare for existing children, owe are just the breaks.

What other support does SIL have/you have? How much older are they than when Sil’s DC were born? Are you expecting them to be able to take both at once? Have you actually had a discussion or were you just assuming they’d jump at the chance?

It’s not as black and white as that is it. It’s frequency, was one agreed beforehand, ages, number of children etc.

Are her kids older? May just be a case that she got in their first, now the GPs are committed to a regular schedule and are at capacity. Or maybe they’ve aged or developed health issues since hers were babies/toddlers and don’t feel like they can handle little ones anymore. Or maybe it is favouritism and it is unfair. Hard to say really without more info…

May be the grand parents want to help their own daughter rather than their daughter in law. It’s likely that when the grandparents are fragile, their daughter will step up and help rather than the daughter in law

Childcare and responsibility for arranging it disproportionately falls on women. Therefore it's typically more of a help to women if grandparents (and let's be honest, usually the grandma) offer to help out. So in this circumstance I can understand why people would prioritise their own daughter over their daughter in law. I'm not saying any of this is fair or right.

But rereading your op I truly hope I will treat all my GC equally... even if I can't offer childcare..

It’s just the way of it when you’re not the first sibling to have children.
They only have so much energy and time and if they’ve already committed to as much as they can managed it wouldn’t be fair of them to go back on an agreement they’ve already made just in the interest of making it look fair.

I agree with @LightDrizzle. Usually whoever gets in first has priority.

My DD is the mother to my first two GDC. We are very close and we spend a lot of time together.. I have them one day a week whilst she works.
I have 2 DILs and as much as I really really like them, they both have there own good mum's who I'm sure will be very involved when/if they have DC.
I will also be much older and have stressed to them that we'll have to see what I can do when other GC arrive.
I truly hope my Dil understand this..

You are being unreasonable to ‘expect’ anything. Their choice.

What sort of support are you expecting? Are your situations the same?

It's hard to say if it is reasonable without more information. As a general rule, I would expect all children and grandchildren to be treated equally. However, I wouldn't necessarily expect daughters and daughters in law to be treated equally, so it rather depends on whether your inlaws are framing the "help" as a favour to your daughter or as a favour to benefit the whole family.

For example, they might want to provide childcare in order to give their dd a break to support her mental health and/or to enable her to maintain her financial independence. They may not feel that they owe you the same duty because it's for your own parents to support your wellbeing, but perhaps they would feel that they owed this to your DH if he were in a position to need it.

I ticked YABU, because YAobviouslyBVU to expect anything from any grandparent. But I don't agree with your YABU option either, in that it has nothing to do with favouring and supporting their own daughter more. it has nothing to do with anything at all, YABU to expect them to do child care for you. What they do for anyone else, and why, is irrelevant