To expect the same childcare as your SIL is receiving

At a guess because that poster’s brother and his wife had children before she did?

With my in-laws this definitely is the case. DHs sister had her first a year before I had our first.

In fairness we live abroad and SIL lives an hour away from PIL so she's obviously going to get more support. They usually help her out once a week with school pickup or similar. But they have babysat for us on a few occasions when visiting mainly because they want to see the kids. It doesn't bother me but what does bother me is we get no priority and there was one occasion when we did ask for babysitter and they said no as had already agreed to babysit for SIL. Fair enough. Then about a year later we asked and they said yes and put our date in the calendar (we were going to a wedding) a couple months later SIL asked for the same night and they agreed and said it was fine watching all the kids. That did grate me that they didn't say no to her but did to us and would have again if we'd asked second. But hey ho.

What annoys me is they have very regular contact with their other grandchildren over the phone, facetime etc but never think to call ours and when I do try to call it has to be arranged. Sad really they only talk three times a year on the phone if that.

In contrast my parents have my brothers children more than mine as they live closer. No big deal really.

And why shouldn't she?

Yep we had this with my SIL with my in-laws and it really annoyed me for ages as when they saw us inlaws would go on about how exhausted they were from looking after her kids! She got a load from her inlaws as well!

We really benefited from having first granchild on my side though so I can't complain that much.

I do think the daughter often gets more childcare than the daughter in law and it isn't really fair. Also the first few grandkids usually get more as grandparents have more energy.

Actually both sides have said they are too old for anything regular now which is completely fair enough.

Op you are starting to sound very jealous of your sister inlaws.

Maybe they don’t feel up to looking after younger children. My daughters have had babies in the last year, I am offering 1 day a week for each baby, I’m very happy to be able to do this. However if in 3 years time they decide to have another I may not feel I could offer this as I might just not feel able to do so.

Has your DH spoken to his parents about this?

You have not really given any context, age of children, amount of support being given, but actually, I don't really think we need any further details.

you are being given far more than you are entitled to, and you are resentful and demanding rather than grateful, and I think your attitude needs to change. Many of us have no grandparents in the picture at all

My own Mum gives by SIL a million times more help than me!

You're not wrong to be annoyed. You're not entitled to their help, but it is shitty when parents favour one child over another, and by extension grandchildren.

My brother and his wife had kids first so I have to slot my baby seeing her Nana around her existing childcare commitments to my nephews. If anything as the daughter my relationship to my mother is more flexible but because of the more formal relationship to her daughter in law her access to those grandchildren is more rigid so if anyone is going to compromise it's going to be me. Everyone's family will be different but exactly equal support may not be possible.

But we're still lacking some context here - how often do GP have SIL kids? How often do they have yours? Do you and SIL both work FT, PT or what? Where is the disparity?

No OP is asking not her husband (their son),

Well, quite right, he should not be putting any pressure on his parents. Can you hear yourself! You are getting support. You are "resentful" that there is "pushback" when you ask for more support, and you want your husband to put "pressure" on an already busy, elderly couple to do more for you!

You are being very unreasonable indeed. You are in a very lucky position, getting any childcare from grandparents at all

Well they would probably help if he asked but if he actively doesn’t want to why on earth are you asking @Notyourproblem ?

On the face of it, it’s unfair but in order for your in-laws to provide equal support to you, that means doubling their commitments in terms of childcare and maybe they just don’t want to do that anymore! Also, people get older and are less able/willing to manage small children. I didn’t even live in the same country as my mother when our first born came along but when we visited she was quite hands-on with him, three years later when his brother was born she had aged quickly and for instance was no longer able to lift our second easily out of a cot so no way was she able to provide equal levels of interaction or care with him.

But if they have already committed their available time to DGC, they would have to reduce that in order to provide childcare to DGC that come along later. That could cause problems for SIL.

Sorry but I think it’s a first come, first served situation and you will have to suck it up.

Its your choice to have children. It is your responsibility to look after them or arrange alternative childcare. It is not an entitlement that grandparents should automatically have to babysit your children

No, I'm not. My child was put in nursery and I paid for childcare like many others. I was actually trying to get some context.

Because they have an established routine and an established relationship, and an easier, older child, and you are getting support, you have said so, but you don't sound very grateful, you said yourself, you feel resentful, so in their position, I would stop helping altogether if that was the response I was getting

If you’ll calm down for a second the intense fear of getting a smaller slice of cake than the other toddlers at the party, surely it’s not hard to understand that if grandparents are doing FT childcare for three existing children, they’re not just going to keep adding more depending on how many more of their children reproduce?

What are they supposed to do though if they have their hands full with their daughters kids?

Would you like them to go to childcare 50/50 so that they can have your children?

Your complaint is a common one unfortunately

YAB completely U. It depends on a huge number of variables

How old were the ILs when dealing with a 1yo grandchild. If they are 5 years older now, don't be surprised if they say no.

Does your SIL rely on them, with no alternative. Then they are already committed.

Do they live closer to one family than the other.

They are quite within their rights to say they have had enough of childcare and don't want to do any more. Children are exhausting at the best of times, never mind when they are 60+

Honestly i can trump your resentment in a humerus manner my ex mil had grandchildren from ONE of her children she didn't bother she kept no toys for when they came over nothing never offered nothing.....her other child's DOG however had toys and treats at her house she offered to look after him so they could go out to dinner the best of it was she didn't really "like" dogs and always wanted grandchildren

That's what favoritism looks like

Anyway I would rather struggle than send my child to be around a resentful/unwelcoming/ grandparent